Marriage Humour
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. – Henny Youngman
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it. --Anne Bancroft
Any husband who says. “My wife and I are completely equal partners,” is talking about either a law firm
or a hand of bridge. – Bill Cosby
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought
jewelry. – Rita Rudner
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. – Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong. – Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – George Burns
What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner
When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It’s a whole different way of thinking. – Elaine Boosler
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. – Phyllis Diller
My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping. – Rita Rudner
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. – Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their
secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. – Erma Bombeck