Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

Lifestyle Relationships
1

How difficult do you think it is? Do you think an engagement is appropriate whilst studying rather than marriage?

2

Re: Marriage whilst studying

we are doing both getting engaged in two months time and getting married in a years time and neither of us have completed our education yet.

3

Re: Marriage whilst studying

YES..engagement is definitly better.........it is really difficult to manage marriage.

4

Re: Marriage whilst studying

I think engagement would be easier to manage. I have several friends who worked on completing their studies after marriage.....a few made it....a few didn't (cuz the responsibilities of managing a house/marriage/dealing with in-laws/and then later on babies) bogged them down....or the various responsibilities limited the number of classes they could take so it took longer to finish. But one thing that the all of them said was that it was tougher to complete education after marriage.

5

Re: Marriage whilst studying

i dunno about engagement, but i personally wouldn't want to be studying or want my SO to be studying whilst marriage. studying is hard enough without distractions such as shaadi looming over your head, plus you wanna be able to fully concentrate on something that will solidify your future.

unless of course, you both understand the implications at such times and you're both willing to work hard to achieve a good balance.

can you just go away now. please.

6

Re: Marriage whilst studying

I'm the kind of person that likes to think they can handle most situations but sometimes I do think it would have been easier if I had held off just for a year or six months before we started life together.

My in-laws would not let us marry until my husband had finished his education, even though we were more than ready to get married well before that time.

Now I'm still studying. I think when you're studying you want to be and need to be selfish sometimes. It's difficult when you're no longer just responsible for yourself and sharing the same space.

7

Re: Marriage whilst studying

That is so true! From my own experience, whenever I study at home in a bedroom that I share with my younger teenage sister, it can be a nightmare at times. Just the sounds of her shuffling her stuff about as she gets ready for school the next day can drive me crazy when I'm trying to focus! And the other family members hardly ever understand :( Woe to me

8

Re: Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

Depends on what you’re studying and how time-involving it is. I know some marriages that almost or did break because of it. Relationships will fall apart all the time because one person feels neglected while the other is working. Works a little better if both people are studying/working, so you’re not sitting there feeling neglected, and you also know what the other person is going through so you don’t hold it over their head if they postpone a ***** birthday dinner because they have a boards exam the next day.

I think this applies ot all sorts of relationships. My mother often feels neglected by us two daughters because we’re always working and studying and now we don’t live with her because of our jobs and schooling. I’m not even friends with my old high school friends because they would actually get angry that I would study for an exam than spend 1 hr talking to them over the phone - I kid you not, that’s what destroyed my best friendship ever in childhood.

So, you gotta understand that the same principles apply in a marriage. You can’t neglect the other person, but you need to do your work too.

Which is why Im such an advocate of women working. It stops you from getting so angry at your husband for coming home from work tired and then not wanting to talk, or hang out. It keeps you a little sane as well and takes some pressure off him.

:phati:

9

Re: Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

The thing is that if you are engaged you obviously would be spending a lot of time on the phone to get to know each other more, especially if its arranged. It would be really hard to balance out the things because when you are newly engaged all that excitement can lead to either or both getting really distracted and the same would apply if the nikah happened but not the rukhsati.

My personal opinion is that my education is the most important thing to me right now and a guy right now might distract me. No matter how strong my will power is hormones can really ruin it for you lol. I want to wait till I am atleast 23 to get married but then I also want to find someone earlier but get married after I have worked for at least for a year. The best thing would be to wait till uni has finished.

10

Re: Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

My relationship went sour with someone i was close to as a result of this, i wanted to complete my studies and work a few years, she was’nt allowing for that and came up with a sorry excuse that her parents wanted this now, inevitably i was given an ultimate by her and her folks; our love for one another or my studies/work. i chose the latter. i’m not going to have someone give me ultimatums, no sirree. :snooty:

11

Re: Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

I got married during my last year at university and it was hard, but I had a lot of support from both my family and my in-laws. We lived alone and both my mother and mother-in-law would often drop by with dinner and such so we didn't have to worry about it.

But even with that it was hard.

12

Re: Marriage/Engagement whilst studying

Very hard! My husband is furthering his education right now and ever since he went back to school, we literally never have any time together - to the point where I am afraid I will be childless.