I know of a girl who is a marriage counsellor (PHD Psychology), she is South Asian and offers counselling to South Asian couples. She lives in the Toronto area. Perhaps few and far between but there are South Asian counsellors out there that know the culture and are appropriately trained and unbiased. I know a while ago she attended a seminar to advertise the services of her clinic and spread the word about this. She said that a lot of couple are not keen to get counselling and many only use as a last resort at which point it's harder to help the couple / marriage.
Would you be interested in sharing the contact details of this person here for everyone's benefit?
well the Imam is West Indian, and I've seen all kinds of couples/families see him. Some of them are Paksitani, some of them are arab and some are Bengali as well.
They usually come while I'm at halaqa and wait until the Imam finishes the class to talk to him.
As for my friend. . She first came to me to ask some advice. I advised her to talk to an Imam or a counsellor. That didnt happen. . So she talked to him herself and alhumdulillah he actually listened to what she was saying.
@Niksik -- absolutely true on all three counts......I just find that too many couples have one person that decides counseling isn't going to help them for one reason or another
@Shak09 -- have to agree with your observation as well. I've come across only a select few imams that are able to present our deen in a light that is not biased towards any one gender. And as I mentioned earlier......I don't know if formal training to become an imam includes mediation or counseling education.
@Decent_6Chora -- yes....we do live in denial. But this is confusing to me.....what it is about a person that prevents them from improving their life? Why is "bearable" okay when it could be better?
@Afshi -- that's good to know Afshi. I'm glad that some folks are taking advantage of the resources available to them through the Islamic center. Btw...do you know if those couples that went to the imam were of Pakistani background?
And your friend......how did they sort out their problems if the husband refused to seek counsel?
@yourfriend -- thanks for sharing.....I was becoming a bit disheartened that there was absolutely nobody here on GS that had the experience. Do you mind telling us what you found was helpful in the counseling?
@Mabrook -- how can you know that most marriage counselors have themselves been through a divorce? And why would this make any impact on someone's decision to seek their help?
@Twinklestar -- "you can be married or you can be right" <-- I love this!
@Sara516 -- very good question Sara....perhaps some where along the way in this thread we might find the answer.
@Reha -- do you know of a particular example where an Imam was not helpful?
How i know it doesn't matter but if i know someone himself/herself is divorced i won't go to them coz when they couldn't save their marriage whats the possibility they'll save mine.
How i know it doesn't matter but if i know someone himself/herself is divorced i won't go to them coz when they couldn't save their marriage whats the possibility they'll save mine.
that's quite interesting.....I'm not sure that I agree with you.
but my original question stands......you have painted an entire community of professionals with a very broad brush.....I simply want to know if your are making an assumption or if you have some statistics to back up your statement.
I have seen an Imam act as a marriage counselor, yes.
I felt the specific Imam chosen for the couple was wrong. Maybe they ARE helpful. But the one chosen was not.
His stance was that the female should try to ignore his transgressions because all he is doing is fulfilling his mother's wishes. This is his responsibility.
People don't know how to argue with that one. So they don't.
Counselling between couple is a western idea where things can go really wild, guys can only talk sports.
Now "desis" all they can do is talk.. talk over tea ... then talk again.....
If any thing we need a shrink to shut them up.