1- Should the partner be supportive of each other in every aspect?
Yes or no?
2- Should it be considered an obligation/duty to please each other or should it be from free will?
3- Should it be the mindset that for better or worse each partner has no ego and be ‘pro-active’ to make other happy?
In other words, why should there be a question of ‘free will’?
Re: Marriage and the Expectations And Requirements Which Go Along With It
Yes, yes, and yes.
Selfish people should seek someone with zero self confidence. Otherwise, you have to saccrifice. Something our women understand but men refuse to accept. Reason for so many obese poorly groomed aunties and uncles. You know they exist. You avoided their puppies since you were 2.
Yes, yes, and yes.
Selfish people should seek someone with zero self confidence. Otherwise, you have to saccrifice. Something our women understand but men refuse to accept. Reason for so many obese poorly groomed aunties and uncles. You know they exist. You avoided their puppies since you were 2.
OK. Got the answers yes, yes, and yes. Thanks.:)
I did a mistake and did not make a very important question as the fouth one.
4- Should there be a question of free will to begin with?
Re: Marriage and the Expectations And Requirements Which Go Along With It
Meh. There is no black and white in real life, but there is a lot of gray.
There will be days and hours and minutes where you will make a decision for YOU and days and hours and minutes where you will make a decision for YOUR FAMILY.
People need to quit asking these kinds of questions when it comes to marriage. You wouldn’t ask these sort of questions when it comes to your mom or your dad. A spouse, believe it or not, IS FAMILY.
And when it comes to FAMILY, sometimes apni chalti and sometimes not, but its not something that should shake the foundations of your marriage if you decide to have a gasp personality in the marriage.
You CAN CHOOSE to have a skinny soy latte, as oppose to a fatty mocha frapaccino. Whether before or after marriage. :pcg:
So the fourth question indeed was important. 
Yes. Agreed.
Free will still should play an important role. However, if there is discrepancy between the partners (not talking about what to order at a coffee shop) then what?
I know partners in marriage say " I need a space too" and take it too far.
And someone asked a question earlier about “too much sex” not appreciated by woman and she had to resort to ‘headache’ excuse.
Granted woman may not be a happy camper in other scenario when the man comes home tired and watches TV and sleep and snore all night on the couch.
By the way the definition of “too much sex” could be different for different people.
People need to quit asking these kinds of questions when it comes to marriage. You wouldn't ask these sort of questions when it comes to your mom or your dad. A spouse, believe it or not, IS FAMILY.
As far as I have seen, most desi people do NOT realize that a man's FAMILY is his spouse & children, not his PARENTS. Why do desis have everything backwards?
1- Should the partner be supportive of each other in every aspect?
Yes or no?
2- Should it be considered an obligation/duty to please each other or should it be from free will?
3- Should it be the mindset that for better or worse each partner has no ego and be 'pro-active' to make other happy?
In other words, why should there be a question of 'free will'?
Supportive; yes. In each aspect; No. If I want to go hurt someone, my SO should not support me. He should understand my feelings; sure, but not support the actions that I may want to take. He can't control my life, for sure, or my decisions. But he should have control over his life to decide if he wants to live with a troll (read: child who can't manage his/her emotions healthily). Secondly, if the person supports you with whatever crap you want to put yourself through, and him through, and your kids; well, then they don't love you enough to help simplify your life.
Obligation/duty to please each other; HELL NO! Do you want your marriage to be a jail sentence? Yes, there needs to be mutual care and understanding, without that, no relationship can survive. But it can't be obligatory. If the people involved don't FEEL those feelings (most of the time - assuming there are no psychological disorders in the works) for their partner; the two shouldn't be together. Secondly and most importantly, it is YOUR duty to make yourself happy.
Being proactive grownups, as opposed to little kids driven by ego; YES! I don't think there is any explanation needed here.
Free-will; YES. Responsible adults who can manage their free-will, who recognize and care for the person they claim to love and are willing to be sincere, compassionate and genuine to them.
None of that is obligatory. But if you want a good life and a healthy relationship, you might want to be an adult.
While in principle I agree that one should not become accomplice to other's bad wishes. The word support I used was in more of the broad sense.
Support is a positive word and support could still be there if someone refuses other not to help in actions which could hurt someone. By not helping other one actually support other not to be looked as a bad person.
Example: Wife wants to go and argue with neighbor, a friend or MIL. Husband says don't do it. That is a support of his wife since she will actually hurt herself too. :)
How is it considered a jail?
The last question brought this free will issue further by saying that if there is even a question of free will then it means, one person does not want to please other but 'should'.
The answer to fourth question should be no.
If there is willingness to please each other then there will never be a need to ask the question of free will.
Saying that it is your duty to make yourself happy actually is wrong. This will make other person selfish. Actually both people will be selfish in this sense.
How?
One is saying is not my duty to please you (being selfish) and you should be responsible of yourself make happy (encouraging other to be selfish).
Let me tell you a story here:
A person walks in to one room where two people are sitting across the table.
There is food and water in two big bowls lying on the table.
Both individuals have big spoons attached to their arms in such a way that they cannot feed themselves. Both are trying to feed themselves but cannot. Both are weak and dehydrated.
The person walks in to other room and sees same scenario but both individuals in the room are well fed and healthy. Becasue instead of trying to feed themselves, they are feeding each other! :)
Good. :)
OK. :)
None of that is obligatory. But if you want a good life and a healthy relationship, you might want to be an adult.
Marriage relation does put some obligations to each other. Don't you think so?
Running in two circles separately and 'ocassionally' overlaping each other (I do not mean literally get your mind clean please..:D) is not what marriage should be about!