Aren’t you all scared to bits to be so emotionally vulnerable to another person that is capable of one day breaking your heart? When you emotionally invest yourself in another person, whether it’s divorce, adultery(that person momentarily losing to temptation), “falling out of love” and dropping that bomb on you all of a sudden. How do you protect yourself from such potential emotional pain.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
All that doesn't seem that bad unless kids are involved. You can't do much except part ways when someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. Never been in a relationship but I'll make sure I don't forget this when/if I do get in one.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
All that doesn't seem that bad unless kids are involved. You can't do much except part ways when someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. Never been in a relationship but I'll make sure I don't forget this when/if I do get in one.
I'm saying I am the type where if I fall in love it's all or nothing. I would completely immerse myself in the marriage and if on paper a person seems right and there personality might show kindness from initial meetings, we take such a huge risk getting into marriage. I'm not even talking about after kids come. Adultery is anger worthy and for me a deal breaker and a spouse being an emotionless pig most of the time also is pretty hugely horrible.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
I'm saying I am the type where if I fall in love it's all or nothing. I would completely immerse myself in the marriage and if on paper a person seems right and there personality might show kindness from initial meetings, we take such a huge risk getting into marriage. I'm not even talking about after kids come. Adultery is anger worthy and for me a deal breaker and a spouse being an emotionless pig most of the time also is pretty hugely horrible.
There only so much you can control. I won't waste my life on someone who doesn't want to be with me. Someone could seem right on paper but that does not guarantee much. Walking away is all you can do in a situation like this.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
I'm single but noone who is married here has a backup plan just in case the dreamlike married life ends up being a nightmare so prenuptial agreement anything to protect ourselves from the 50% chance of it going south or do we go into marriage with all faith that all will be well and take the plunge?
What are the chances that the person will also put their 100% and won't take the whole marriage and blow it to smithereens by being careless, arrogant, unadjusting, and a major jerk (man or woman)?
Re: Marriage and Emotions
I'm single but noone who is married here has a backup plan just in case the dreamlike married life ends up being a nightmare so prenuptial agreement anything to protect ourselves from the 50% chance of it going south or do we go into marriage with all faith that all will be well and take the plunge?
What are the chances that the person will also put their 100% and won't take the whole marriage and blow it to smithereens by being careless, arrogant, unadjusting, and a major jerk (man or woman)?
Well I guess this is why they say that Marriage is a GAMBLE
This is something we need ot take a risk for and then leave it on our naseeb.
About the pre-nuptial agreement thing, this is why in Islam there is the concept of Haq mehar, which is basically given as a security for the girl in case something goes wrong and the girl has a backup
Re: Marriage and Emotions
I'm single but noone who is married here has a backup plan just in case the dreamlike married life ends up being a nightmare so prenuptial agreement anything to protect ourselves from the 50% chance of it going south or do we go into marriage with all faith that all will be well and take the plunge?
What are the chances that the person will also put their 100% and won't take the whole marriage and blow it to smithereens by being careless, arrogant, unadjusting, and a major jerk (man or woman)?
Marriage is a gamble. I totally understand the fear, but guess what.... those who live together before marriage also end up getting divorced. I don't believe anyone goes into marriage thinking of divorce, but know when to cut their losses. For some it's not so easy.
Just have to keep your self respect and dignity in tact.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
I'm single but noone who is married here has a backup plan just in case the dreamlike married life ends up being a nightmare so prenuptial agreement anything to protect ourselves from the 50% chance of it going south or do we go into marriage with all faith that all will be well and take the plunge?
What are the chances that the person will also put their 100% and won't take the whole marriage and blow it to smithereens by being careless, arrogant, unadjusting, and a major jerk (man or woman)?
Marriage, just like anything else in life, is a gamble. You weigh the pros and cons and decide whether the risk is worth it for you. There are plenty of people out there who choose to never get married and that's ok too. There's no rule that says you HAVE to get married.
If you want to protect your financial, then you get an education and make sure you have a career where you earn enough money to protect yourself. In cases where you hear about the wife ending up on the street after divorce, 99.9% of the time it a wife who chose not to pursue her education/career. Nothing wrong with that if being a stay-at-home wife/mother is what you want but again....that's a risk you take IF there is a divorce. A prenup isn't going to help you if the agreement says that you get to keep your earnings during the marriage if you never earned during the marriage to begin with. And unless your husband is a millionaire and somehow agrees to give you millions in a prenup, you're still going to need to support yourself after a divorce.
And NO ONE can you give a % on the chances that the person you marry is going to give their 100%. It could be 10% or 90%. You get to know the person and try to make a educated/informed decision. But it's still a risk.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
All that doesn't seem that bad unless kids are involved. You can't do much except part ways when someone doesn't want to be with you anymore. Never been in a relationship but I'll make sure I don't forget this when/if I do get in one.
it's because you have never been in a relationship, you are saying this. it's MUCH easier said than done
Re: Marriage and Emotions
Aren't you all scared to bits to be so emotionally vulnerable to another person that is capable of one day breaking your heart? When you emotionally invest yourself in another person, whether it's divorce, adultery(that person momentarily losing to temptation), "falling out of love" and dropping that bomb on you all of a sudden. How do you protect yourself from such potential emotional pain.
yes, actually I am. that thought crosses my mind sometimes. not because I doubt him, but because, we are all human, and no one has seen tomorrow. that being said, you can't protect yourself form that pain. its the human in us that makes us feel that pain. I would say, if you DONT feel pain, something is wrong.
and if you spend your days worrying so much about your significant other leaving you etc etc, then you wont enjoy the time you have with him/her
Re: Marriage and Emotions
Like you, I was scared of marriage and did my best to delay it. I was successful for six years but then gave in. Needless to say, I made marriage hard for myself because I went in with a really weird mindset and was too careful to mess up. Everyone messes up, everyone makes mistakes. The key is to be able to forgive yourself and others. The more you think about these things, the more they will happen. Marital life can be blissful if you learn to let go of whatever is bothering you. The more you feel, the more painful your problems become. Abuse and adultery are two things I would not compromise on but most things can be sorted out if you love each other.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
it's because you have never been in a relationship, you are saying this. it's MUCH easier said than done
I haven't been in a relationships but I've seen some messed up ones. And things go from bad to worse when people refuse to call it quits.
Re: Marriage and Emotions
The biggest mistakes people make when choosing a life partner - muzmatch BLOG
Read this blog article, its very enlightening I think.