Marriage and Divorce..

Lifestyle Relationships
1

My nikah was in sept n i was getting married in dec..now due to some family problems my dad wants to divorce my mother after my marriage..she can also live separate..i also have a little sister but she dunt know abt this..i dunt know wat to do..im an engineer n i can work if i stay with my mother..but will my husband let me..cox he didnt approve of me doing job at the first time we talked abt it..but now its different..n my husband is in dubai..wat should i do..im so confused.. :frowning: :bummer:

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

i was to go to with him to dubai..

3

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

**your Dad seems to be a very selfish and inconsiderate person who is putting his daughter to great deal of hardships just to satisfy his own stupidity. sorry for my lingo but he should have been a lil wiser and thought of you and his own wife...a mother of his children.

does your mom have siblings/parents? she may consider to move to one of her siblings if they are willing to take her in or she live on her own and your Dad support her financially, he has some obligations both in sight of Allah's rules as well as the law of the land.**
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another option is that you tell your husband that the situation demands that you work and support your mother. you have the right as well as moral obligation to look after your mom. if your husband doesn't let you help your mom, you have to reconsider the whole issue of getting married to him *.

Good Luck and May Allah bless you and your mom and sister. aameen***

4

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

What are those family problems which are making your father divorce his wife ? May be a solution can be find to save this marriage. If they are hiding this from your younger sister then it seems that issue is not big enough that is why they were able to compromise on the fact that this divorce should not be made public as yet and they should wait till you are gone to your husband.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

You haven't shared you dad's reasons for divorce. Talk to both of your parents...cuz it takes two people to make a relationship work. Maybe your mom has done some things to upset your dad....encourage both of them to compromise with one another. Try to reason with your dad.

Are there any elders in the family such as grandparents, taya, chacha, phuppo, etc who can speak to your dad? If your talking to them does not work...then maybe you can seek the help of an elder.

If things don't get better, you WILL have to tell your husband about this soon (before your marriage). If your husband and his family find out about the divorce after your wedding....that can bring about some resentment. If you talk to your fiance/husband before hand...you both can figure out a way to help your mom. It's possible that he may change his mind about you working.

6

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

yar please w/o knowing the whole story dont label anyone anything

it nullifies ur post and messed me up too even if i want to contribute


*

7

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

If there is NO WAY for your parents marriage to survive and you dad had already made up his mind…then you need to let your husband know about this asap.

Question: Before the nikaah…did you actually agree to give up your career and become a house wife?

You husband went through the nikaah and told you that he wants a house wife. Now if the situation has changed where you feel that you MUST work in order to support your mother…then your husband has a right to know this BEFORE the ruksati. If he finds this out afterwards, I guarantee you that it will cause resentment and anger on his part b/c you’re hiding a major detail from him.

Also, are you also moving to Dubai after the ruksati? If so, will your mother need to move with you too? Or will she live separately in Dubai (or the city you’re in now) and you just want to send her money? Either way…again…you need to decide what you want and discuss this with your husband asap.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

It seems your father does have a very strong reason for divorcing your mother. Husbands who divorce their wives suddenly might do this because of their anger. But if a husband plans on giving a divorce to his wife after a certain time and is perisstent on his decision, there must be some strong basis for this decision.

But no basis is strong enough to not to be revised. You can first talk to your dad about his reason and if he is not willing to share, you must pressurise him since the children will be most affected from this decision and your dad must take into confidence all of his children. You then need to discuss the matter with your mother and try to reach a reconciliation. If no consensus is reached, you can suggest your father to first separate your mother and see if this can resolve the issue since there is a chance for reconciliation.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

^True. If he's planning on divorcing her after all this time.....then surely you (Anam) must have seen with your eyes some sort of tension between your parents during the years. You must have some idea.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

Whether or not you father has a good reason to divorce your mother is irrlevant. He has an obligation to secure her future - make this clear to him. And if he cannot afford that, let him know in no uncertain terms that you will not pick up the slack for him. He needs to find a way to support your mother if he plans to go through with the divorce.

Inform your husband to be of the situation, how you dealt with it, and then live up to the agreement you had with him beforehand re: your being employed (or not).

And if the talk with your father does not yield the desired result, then you have an obligation to tell your fiance about the situation and inform him that you need to work in order to support your mother.

12

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

What does your mom want you to do? I don't think she would want you to leave your husband because you have to support her. You should talk to your parents...both of them.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

thank u so much for all ur suggestions..i talked to my dadi and abbu and my husband and we got to some conclusions..actually my dad wanted a son n so does my dadi thts why she wanted my dad to marry again..but when i talked to him and reason with him..he agreed tht it was his mistake and said he wont do it again n i also talked to my mother to be considerate abt things..well i hope for the best n just pray it all does well..thanks again.. :)

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

^Does your dad really believe having a second wife will mean he'd end up with a son? Your poor mum :(

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

So sorry to read about your difficult situation, as Deeba said, marrying again doesn't guarantee a boy, it's the guy that determines the sex of a baby not the woman. I pray that this resolves to the best outcome for you all soon inshallah.

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Re: Marriage and Divorce..

It is such a relief to see positive outcomes. This is one - so congratulations. Full speed ahead for you life with your husband. You are a sweet caring daughter - and now deserve to live a good life with your husband. Good luck.

17

Re: Marriage and Divorce..

That's good news and I hope that your dad will stay firm in his belief that what he was wrong....and that both your parents will work toward strengthening their marriage.

Has your dadi realized her mistake? I hope she has....and I hope that when you talked to her that she could see how much all this was hurting you. I feel a bit irritated with her for pushing the idea....and I hope she won't do it again. Getting married a second time won't guarantee a son for your dad....but it will hurt will sever people and complicate their lives.