Can someone please tell me the concept of marriage in Islam. I have heard so many elderly people talk about Jo naseeb mein likha hota hai wohi milta hai (spouse) and shaadian aasmano mein likhi hoti hai, chahayeh jo karlo jiskay saath aapki shaadi ka likha hota hai wahi jakay hoti hai…aur sab khudhi hotay jata hai…Is it true? But then why do we do Istikharas before shaadi…if both the families and the boy and the girl are ready doesn’t that mean its meant to be? or if its not meant to be then no matter how hard a person tries it doesn’t happen… I am really confused…so confused that I don’t even know how to explain myself in a better way and ask for what I am actually trying to figure out but can someone please enlighten me/ help me out in understanding this. Also if joris are already made in heaven then what about inter-racial marriages or marriages between people from different religions, even the religions that in the Quran is said we (Muslims) shouldn’t consider getting married to…is that then also decided before hand? and if you’re destined to get married to someone then does it still happen even when you keep on trying to avoid it or what? How does this work man?
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
So many questions in one mind :D I will try with an example. Other members, Psyah, The Jinx, TLK, Ibn Siddique, LKK can help you better than me.
Our lord has given us freedom of choice where we can choose one out of multiples. Let’s suppose on a table there is a salt and sugar. Both are looking same. Angels are ordered to pick the sugar so angels will only pick the sugar. They know on that table there is another thing in white same as sugar but they do not have freedom of choice nor they know what is that. So Angels will only pick the sugar without paying any attention to that another white thing.
We human are blessed freedom of choice by our Lord. We know on that table there are two things one is salt and another is sugar both looks exactly the same. But we want sugar not salt. So we pray (make dua) request our Lord that please be create such cause so that I will pick the sugar not the salt.
Here we have freedom of choice either we pick salt or sugar. Keep in mind that our Lord knows that, that you will come across such situation where you have to choose one out of two and HE also know that you will going to pray (make dua), request me (HIM) so that you can have the sugar not salt. So when you pray (make dua) request to Lord, you will get that thing i.e. the sugar, which is pre written. So making dua will give you strength i.e. to make a decision.
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
^ Thanks for the reply but its still unclear and confusing. Because from what I understood you just said that Allah already knows what or should i say who we're going to pray for...and then he gives that person to us...and we believe that we got that person because we prayed while its pre written...then what about all those people who don't get to be with the ones they want to be with...and I am sure they pray to get who they want as well...but then they learn to move on and find someone they like all over again and believe that he/she was the one they were actually meant to be with all along - nahi ya kiya?
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
Whats the point of making dua and asking Allah for something when its not going to change or if already meant to be that way (i.e. we're supposed to get what we ask for but a few situations make us believe otherwise or something so we pray for that particular thing) but that was also "pre-written" all along? samajh nahi aya...
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
God bless you JerryM now you are confusing me more :D. Let me try again. Pardon me if it doesn't make any sense :)
As I said earlier we human are blessed freedom of choice by our Lord. We know on that table there are two things one is salt and another is sugar. Both looks exactly the same. But we want sugar not salt. Question is how we know that which one is sugar and which is salt? How to differentiate? In that case we make dua to our Lord that we need sugar but still we don’t know which one is sugar.
In real life when a person desire for another person, that person either could be like salt or sugar for us. So we make dua we need that person. Making dua is our choice and Allah SWT knows that you will ask for that person but you don’t know whether that person is salt for you or sugar. Only Lord knows that.
So if HE doesn’t grant your wish than its means that is salt for you and another unwanted person is sugar for you.
The main point; what about that dua which was asked only for that person? In Ahadith it is narrated some dua’s are kept for later for acceptance. So your dua was not fulfilled at that time but actually fulfilled later on in shape of another unwanted person.
I hope now it’s clear and un-confusing.
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
Whats the point of making dua and asking Allah for something when its not going to change or if already meant to be that way (i.e. we're supposed to get what we ask for but a few situations make us believe otherwise or something so we pray for that particular thing) but that was also "pre-written" all along? samajh nahi aya...
Dua = strength, strengthen our believe. Believe in our Lord 'Allah'.
See the answer in your own post. :)
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
Okay clear hai for now..but I still have one more question - then what about the situation where you just pray that you get someone good and all and get married considering a rishta the best of all good family, nice job a house etc...but then only to realize that things still aren't working out and situations lead to a divorce and all...then what is that? you didn't in particular pray for someone just something thats good for you lets say how you call the the sugar yet you get to pick the salt?
Re: Marriage according to Islam?
Its not necessarily that you will going to pick salt yet made dua for sughar. It is said some dua's will be kept for later to fulfill. So just wait and keep doing dua's. :)