Mandatory parenting classes for everyone

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Maybe - more thought needs to be given into whether or not parenting licenses, or at least parenting classes, should be made mandatory for all first-time parents.

If we have to obtain licenses to drive cars, then why not to raise an entire human being? i was at a store the other day and i just can’t seem to get what happened out of my head. i was in one particular aisle of the store; from another aisle close to mine, i could hear a young boy crying. Weeell, he wasn’t really “crying” as we know it (bawling waghera); if you have ever seen an injured animal make soft ‘whimpering’ noises when the animal gets hurt - that’s what the boy sounded like. He was whimpering, and then a few seconds later he would become quiet, then start it again. i could hear someone with him, a female voice, screaming at him to be quiet. i’m sure everyone in the store heard her as she would scream “ADAM! Stop that right now” in a shrill voice. Her witch-like voice would have made a 50 year old man cry, what to say of a young child.

They made their way into my aisle, and finally i saw him - a tiny little infant, with his mother and grandmother. The poor kid was no more than three years old, had a pacifier in his mouth, and he just looked so tired. He was probably sick and tired of the shopping… and i didn’t blame him.

Anyways i made some excuse to go near them and pretty soon i was chatting with the two ladies - Adam turned out to be such a friendly little boy. All he wanted was some attention… even if you smiled at him, his face would light up. When i tickled him lightly, he burst out laughing. He was such a beautiful little kid Masha’Allah. Even infront of me, the mother and grandmother were screaming at him for nothing, telling him to “shut up”. i felt sooooo bad for him.

Was it any of my business though? Maybe they are kind to him on other days, i don’t know. Maybe they were both feeling stressed, who knows, and took it out on the one person who couldn’t argue back. Does that justify it - heck no.

i used to volunteer at a crisis centre for parents who felt they were becoming unable to take care of their children and were afraid they would start physically abusing them… Why do some people make the choice to have kids if they are not willing, or able, to invest the time and patience needed into raising them with love?

sigh Sorry for this rambling thread. Just felt like getting that off my mind.

2

Yeah its tough these days Nadia...

its not like adam's mom didn't love him * but its just that she was so stressed...

ideally she shouldn't have done it and should have controlled herself but its tough sometimes to not let the stress get to you...

though ofcourse its still wrong...

that is why the joint family system was so good...if your mom was stressed out you could just walk over to your dadi or chachi or someone else or just play with a cousin...

these days with single moms in the USA and so many stresses in daily life, kids suffer coz they don't have so many loving family members around...

i don't think classes are gonna solve many problems...its not like the mom didn't know that her shouting at adam was wrong...but she did it coz she just couldn't control her stress...she probably hurt her own feelings more than adam's feelings coz kehte haen na ke apnay bachay ko dard de k maan ko hi sab se ziada dard milta hae...*

3

whoa you’re so mature in how you think, Niqabi :k: Good for you Masha’Allah.

Interesting point.

Yes i totally understand your argument. You are absolutely right. i am certain his mother does love him (i want to believe this so badly); you are right, they both looked stressed themselves. Maybe they had had a long day of shopping, or it was the heat, or the crowds at the mall, or it could be any number of these (and other) factors. i like to believe that all parents love their children. i just wish that sometimes people would think twice, or ten times, before they make that conscious decision to have children. But i know i am saying this from my point of view where i don’t have the 24/7 stress of having to look after another human being… it’s always easier to say things from my perspective rather than from the other person’s shoes.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Niqabi :flower1: i really appreciate it.

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The end result is alwayz eminem & 2pac.......

Ur damn right when u say - "to have kids if they are not willing, or able, to invest the time and patience needed into raising them with love"

This sick world is comin 2 an end & this is just da beginning.

U really gave a good visual description of ur encounter, & da least u did was bring a smile 2 that kids face. If I were in ur boots, I would have been doin da same. U did ur part - u played a good role & u cheered da kid up, u could have done more, but da way they(em elders) were behaving, I guess it was a wise decision 2 leave them alone.

5

[QUOTE]
Originally posted by mal1k: *
**U really gave a good visual description of ur encounter, & da least u did was bring a smile 2 that kids face. If I were in ur boots, I would have been doin da same. U did ur part - u played a good role & u cheered da kid up, u could have done more, but da way *they(em elders) were behaving, I guess it was a wise decision 2 leave them alone.
[/QUOTE]
**

Well i just made up some excuse so i could at least get closer to them and maybe stop that little kid from whimpering so he wouldn't get yelled at by his mother and grandma. The funny thing was, they actually seemed proud when i mentioned how cute Adam was, and they kept saying thank you and smiling waghera, and then they started telling me cute stories like about what he does at home etc. i wanted to show them - he's just a three year old, how does he know the difference between what's right and wrong. Screaming at him isn't going to teach him anything, except perhaps when he's older - he will learn to scream at others in his turn when he is feeling angry. This is what his parents have taught him - anger-management techniques: when you're feeling angry or frustrated, scream and that's how you're going to solve everything.

i really don't know why some parents make that conscious decision to have kids. Agar itna shauq hai kissi ka dekh bhaal karnay ka, tau why don't they get a dog or a cat and look after it. Why do they have to mess up another person's life because of their own selfishness and meanness.

6

A few decades ago, with grand-parents around and families more closely bonded, the new parents had huge resources available to them in terms of knowledge base from experienced parents on how to bring up kids.

With the wave of independence and do-your-own-thing, in many cases, the kids move out of their parents homes when they go to college and seldom move back. They'd settle down whereever their careers take them (not necessarily a bad thing). The by-product is that families are no more so close and the role of parents has diminished, both in terms of their influence in selection of spouse and their advisory role for helping the new parents with child-rearing.

Add to it, that many couples are now carrying on full-time jobs, and with smaller family-size have less exposure to other kids, the whole support system relies around the paediatrician and friends, reading self-help books and limited telephonic involvement of parents and other relatives.

While this is not an open-and-shut case for having mandatory parental-courses, it certainly explains the inadequecy in some parents on how to handle the kids. The nature's way of dealing with this is to provide a lot of love for the kids in the parents' hearts, so that any lack of knowledge does not automatically mean that the kids are abused or hurt. Although this does not work always, I have seen plenty of new-parents who really didn't had much clue on what to do, but will just shower the baby with a lot of love.

Bringing up kids is not really rocket science. I can tell you that, for sure :) It just requires a lot of common sense, patience and love. Some help and advise from experienced people comes in handy too.