Exactly, I agree. Many situations are not black and white and I’m hoping that Cricketplaya has considered this point. A person with a just and stable mind should be able to discern who is right and who is wrong. Sometimes the erring party is the wife and sometimes it’s the mother. Parents are not infallible.
I think even Islam allows us to disobey parents if they’re actions or requests are unIslamic. Religion has mentioned the rights of various relationships. And if a mother’s demands are interfering or infringing upon the basic Islamic rights of a wife…then yhe mother’s behavior is not in accordance with Islamic guidelines. She can’t be “obeyed” just because she’s “MOM” at the expense of someone else. Similarly, the wife can be wrong as well. One can RESPECT others witout agreeing with them…and this includes parents. If Islam has given parents an elevated status and requires us to respect them…then there’s also the hadith that the best of the men are those that are the KINDEST to their wives. Why pick and choose what to follow? There has to be balance and fairness.
*****IMO…there is no sawaab in supporting a person who is clearly wrong just because they are your parent or immediate family member. Supporting a sinful action…makes you sinful. Staying quiet and allowing the sinful action to take place makes you guilty as well.
The overall situation needs to be considered. One can’t assume that a person is a “jahanami” or a “sinner” because he supported the wife over the mom…or a friend over their parents. Nor is it reasonable to rush to the “Haaaaw haaai…yeh banda hai qiyamat ki nishani” judgment about someone. It’s possible that there is now a greater prevalance for a certain behavior than in past decades…but even then…situations vary.
Also…even decades ago (grandparents) must have complained about our parents…that “Kids are stubborn. Times have changed…they do their own man-maani…Maa Baap ki koi ahmiat hi nahin” These types of scoldings existed back then as well.