Legend:
ING: Internal News & Gossip of a family
Family: Parents and siblings
I am assuming your husband is a talkative guy and finds it hard to keep secrets. Do you think your husband overshares family issues with his buddies often? If yes, I think I can understand your situation.
A lot of assumptions here. The husband and I both have active social lives and know the boundaries of how much or how little to share depending on where we are or who we’re with. I don’t think the husband overshares family issues with friends at all.
There are levels of access to ING the spouse of a family member is understood to have. I would not like if my brother/sister would give full access to this ING to their spouse. Yes, with time, levels of access gradually increases but the operative phrase here is, ‘with time’. And some ING should never be shared with a spouse. These are private matters of someone who has not given consent for it to be shared outside of family. When spousal pressure or the family member’s oversharing nature causes unauthorized sharing of ING, expect serious backlash from the family !
Totally agree and I would be the same. However, in this situation, I’m not asking for skeletons from the closet to be shared or certain people outed on private/sensitive matters- I’m talking about news relating to births, illnesses, deaths, marriages! So basically EVERYTHING is hidden and I’m not meant to know. My grandmother in law had a shoulder replacement on the weekend for example and I spoke to my mother in law on the day and asked how everyone was and got ‘sab teek hain’. My husband however, found out from his mother later! The breast cancer I found out about because my husband was the one taking his mother to appointments and it would’ve been silly/unreasonable/illogical if he would’ve kept me in the dark. Just to clarify as well: the entire extended family knew about her diagnosis. Seems she had an issue with just me knowing.
For example, if I come to believe that my brother/sister cannot keep my secrets from his/her spouse. I would not share them with my brother/sister. I will feel betrayed because there must have been something that led me to that belief. So I’ll go overboard. Getting my drift here?
While I agree with you, the way you’ve stated your point is actually quite patronising!
I think your husband overshared some ING too soon with you and your MIL feels betrayed by her son. She and other family members would have no way of knowing how big of a breach that was so they are assuming the worst. Trust me when your husband overshares something about you with his buddies, you’ll get how your MIL must have felt.
Again, way too many assumptions here. As stated in my original post and my reply to you in this post, my issue isn’t that my MIL/in laws refuse to tell me what their favourite colour is or what they had for lunch earlier, it’s that I’m/we’re not told about ‘big’ things happening in the family. The thing annoying me is that these we’re missing key events for avsose or Mubarak which are reflecting badly on us or me, since I’m the one that’s portrayed to be a baddie by the MIL.
Sometimes DILs are victims of their own success, they get what they want only to realize later the high price they paid, so don’t try to settle scores with your MIL. There is no quick fix for your situation. It may sound counter-intuitive but I would suggest allowing your husband often some alone time with his family and do not debrief him later. It will heal the damage gradually.