Is it easy for you to make new friends or strike up a friendship with someone? Not just someone to chat with to pass time but a real true friend?
I feel like making new relationships past the college age is so much more difficult, reason being you have many more responsibilities (work/career/marriage/kids) and finding extra time for someone who is just an acquaintance is difficult.
Also, if you’ve been burned a few times by bad friendships (and I’m sure almost everyone has been at least once), did you learn from that experience and apply it to all your relationships?
I find it easy to strike up a conversation with someone new...but in terms of actually striking up a friendship and maintaining it...that's more difficult. Partly because of the responsibilities you mentioned Sara, but also because of previous experiences that ended badly. In the last few years, I've learned that the real friends are those that come through for you during the hard times and who don't make the hard times even tougher by adding their drama. Those people are harder to come by and because of that, I'm way more cautious about what I say and who I let in.
Hmm, I think it used to be easier for me to make friends when I was younger....cuz I was very open about myself....and that seemed to draw more people to me.
But since I've learned (and am still learning) that not everyone can be trusted.....I've become more guarded......and that can make it harder to make new friends sometimes. I've been told that I can be hard to get to know.....which is something (despite being an introvert) I never really heard before. On the plus side....I think that being more careful....can save you drama. I think that there are only a few people that can be considered good/sincere close friends anyways.
Theres a difference between sharing stuff with "friends" or just have a good time with friends....so may be every1 has two different category of frnds....those with whom u can chat and share...even some personal details or family matters...n then the other category with whom u discuss general issues and simple talks...like shopping, food, country affairs...like political, showbiz..etc n have fun time....not everyone can be trusted...so its better to be social and have good talk with everyone and keep the first category of friends limited....
thats what i do... :)
I don't have all of those responsibilities that you mentioned, and I still find it difficult to make true friends. Striking up conversations isn't difficult. I just don't like investing so much in new people, when I have my friends. I also keep very few close friends, everyone else is acquaintance. I only seem to have enough energy to maintain those few friends; that too if I am not pushed to see them/talk to them too often.
Last I made a good friend was last year. Before that was 3 years ago. Made friends with these people at school/in residence. So, I really should hold on to these people. Became friends with other people too in this time, but not very close to them.
it is EXTREMELY difficult for me to make new friends.
Talking to random people and striking up a conversation is very easy though. Sometimes, and lately, I have had to stop myself from just talking to anyone possible.
Generally dont get a chance to meet anyone new though cus im at work all day long and dont quite meet anyone between work and home... I chit chat to mothers and fathers at munchkins kinder.. and i think have exchanged my number about 4-5 times already with mothers there...
I need friends though.. just to have a good time with. Not necessarily share bad times and good times with. I have the hubz for that.. my friend
This is an Internet population so naturally these are the responses you'll get. If we all could make good friends really easily we wouldn't be here.
Easy to strike up a conversation.
Hard to find good friends. I don't have time or the patience to mold a friendship so for me friends are people i'll go out with. Or people I share common interests with and we do activities together. Long gone are the days when I'd get on the phone with my bff and confide in her my secrets. I'm more guarded about that kind of stuff now because just like I don't want to deal with anyone's drama, I don't think it's fair to share my drama with my friends. We are all super busy girls and when we take the time to go out I want all of us to enjoy an have fun instead of complaining and griping about our lives. I still have friends who will put their weight on me by sharing their worries and honestly, I don't want to deal with it anymore. All our lives suck. I don't need you to be a broken record about your miseries and bring me down. You want to gripe? Go to GS and cry them a river. :D
This is an Internet population so naturally these are the responses you'll get. If we all could make good friends really easily we wouldn't be here.
Easy to strike up a conversation.
Hard to find good friends. I don't have time or the patience to mold a friendship so for me friends are people i'll go out with. Or people I share common interests with and we do activities together. Long gone are the days when I'd get on the phone with my bff and confide in her my secrets. I'm more guarded about that kind of stuff now because just like I don't want to deal with anyone's drama, I don't think it's fair to share my drama with my friends. We are all super busy girls and when we take the time to go out I want all of us to enjoy an have fun instead of complaining and griping about our lives. I still have friends who will put their weight on me by sharing their worries and honestly, I don't want to deal with it anymore. All our lives suck. I don't need you to be a broken record about your miseries and bring me down. You want to gripe? Go to GS and cry them a river. :D
do u think this changes as we grow older?
I am thinking that when we're a bit younger and a lit more naive, we confide in people/friends a lot more... spend hours on the phone going over minute details of a conversation we had with so and so.. analyse it to bits and pieces... but as we grow older, we notice its really not that great.
But then again, maybe its because we all have our blogs to confide in.. i dunno.
I'm soo bad at starting conversations, making jokes, gossiping or eventually making friends.. I know people who are very good at it, and they sorround themselves with many friends..their phones remain buisy with calls and texts, and honestly I sometime wish I could have got that..
new friends? trying to keep up with old ones is hard enough
haha seriously! i'm pretty out going but i don't have many close friends. most of them are just acquaintances and family friends that we see every now and then. i have the advantage of having a pretty big family mashallah and we've all grown up together so my BFFs growing up have been my cousins.
What I find difficult is desi girls. I can go make friends with non-desis, and there is no problem. You meet someone at a party and next thing you know you're facebooking each other, you're texting each other, etc. You go to a desi party, and I guess desi girls mess with each other so much that they're all guarded. I gave my number to this nice girl a few nights ago, and I've received no call or anything. I'd overcome her guardedness by inviting her to go shopping with me or something, but honestly, I'm going to leave for another city soon, and I probably will not see her again anyway.
But yeah, desi girls take a lot more work, because they're so suspicious and you have to really convince them that you're benign and will not make life miserable for them.
I am thinking that when we're a bit younger and a lit more naive, we confide in people/friends a lot more... spend hours on the phone going over minute details of a conversation we had with so and so.. analyse it to bits and pieces... but as we grow older, we notice its really not that great.
But then again, maybe its because we all have our blogs to confide in.. i dunno.
Yep.
My definition of a "best friend" as oppose to a "friend" used to be that we
1. call each other every day
2. any detail in your life --> you share with each other
3. you spend as much time together as possible.
4. Any activity you engage in --> you try to invite your BFF along too (ex. it is not appropriate to go to the beach without asking her if she'd like to come too).
I don't know where I got these rules from but my friends and I just figured that this is how it works.
Well, it gets OVERWHELMING.
And I was the first to realize it, so I didn't call every day - i'd call every other day. And the other girls in the group were like "Oh well she's so impolite and rude, she doesn't call us every day"
Uff.
Thank God I got away from those mind jobs.
Who has time for that?
And I explained to them, that look, I got work to do - that wasn't an excuse for them.
I think now my definition of a "best friend" is someone that I can call, who will respond nicely, and I'd feel comfortable taking a road trip with them.
Yes, its so hard. I yearn for those college and uni days when I had a group of friends to chil out and have a good laugh with.
But saying that, don't get too desperate to make new firends. I have friend how does this and its so cringy to watch. she will do anything to make and keep friends and I've seen her get so exploited and manipulated by people, she's recently found a new firend who she's relentlesly pursuing. may be I'm just jealous that she's better at making friends than me :-)
I think as you get older the pool of single people out looking for good ol' plain friendships just decreases, because people get married and have kids.
The only singles out there in their 40's are weirdos. Still a lot of good single 30 year old women out there, I know for a fact, but its hard to find good single men in their 30's. They're either taken and are not looking for friendship, or they're just unsociable.