making a problem out of nothing :(

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

Even Haji sanaullah does that - so get over it lady :hoonh:

22

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

cool iies i just went through your post. i really feel sorry for you. meri problem tu kuch be nahi hai apki problem kay agai. stay strong, my prayers are with you.

23

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

hmm to be honest i am not sure if i had these feelings before maybe because i was so confident about my figure or with my looks even though now i love being pregnant i have not gained too much extra weight.i guess its just my silliness i should not feel insecure...sigh if only i could ignore that

24

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

looking is healthy hopefully that way he can appreciate more what he has. Touching is a big no no.

25

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

Well, I'm sure you already realize that pregnancy brings on a whole bunch of hormone changes that you've never experienced before. And its also a well-known that fact that pregnant women can and do get insecure due to all the physical changes.

Going by your comments....it looks like you're aware of the fact that you're overreacting a bit. It doesn't seem like you're concerned about your husband cheating.

All this being said....I think the first thing for you to do is to realize and continue telling yourself that your husband is attracted to you and loves you (heck your pregnancy is a proof that your husband is attracted to you!).

Secondly....I don't think its a bad idea to sit down with your husband and CALMLY let him know how you've been feeling. Do not blame or accuse him of anything. Simply let him know that you're feeling a little more insecure due to the physical changes in pregnancy...and you'd appreciate him helping you through this process by being a bit more careful around other hot women.

26

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

Everyone looks - men look at other women, women look at other men and each will also look at people of the same gender. I describe it taking a moment to appreciate God's creation and nothing more. If he loves you and is faithful, this is not a big deal.

27

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

are you kidding?

28

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

^ It's all about one's neeyat.

29

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/527931-men-looking-outside.html#post8562535

30

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

^STA...you forgot tip #100: Drink pati dev's bath water as it is sacred and tell him that it tastes heavenly..........and also tip # 101: Seek his aashirwaad at least twice a day.

Such a long list of things that a woman should do. I can see the importance of it....but I feel that it shouldn't just be one partner trying their best to strengthen the marriage. I understand that it's natural to look at someone that you find attractive....that being attracted to the opposite sex does not cease with marriage........but at least a person should have enough consideration to lower their gaze and not gawk in the presence of their partner. Surely at least this much can be managed......it's only ONE thing....and not a whole slew of em.

31

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

Reminds me of a colleague who used to say: I watch women without clothes but my *"niyyah" *is as pure as it can be (Appreciating the God's creation).

I was thankful that he didn't proceed further to say that I would also do with them (prostitutes) what I wish to (appreciating the senses of touching and feeling that God has gifted me with) while keeping my *niyaah *as pure as it could ever be.

I am not sure whom he was trying to fool, himself, or his Creator.

32

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

Peace RV,

clapping always require two hands.

33

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

When we are at public place aur main kisee kee tareef ker doon like

“kia cute BACHEE ja rahee hai”

tu my begum’s reply (normally) is

“uss k saath BACHA bhi tu daikheen kitna pappOO hai”

and that takes care of it for that trip…

:chai:

34

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

:omg:

u nay to apni bv ko bhi decent 6chori bana diya. :@:

35

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

I will use RAW's words

[QUOTE]
I am not sure whom he was trying to fool, himself, or his Creator.
[/QUOTE]

36

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

UM YEAH...that's the point that I was making...that both parties should have consideration for one another.....and it shouldn't be that only one person is doing all the work.

One of my friends and I usually agree on most things....but this one time she said how her husband had said that it's mostly up to the woman to make the marriage work. And she concurred with him. I thought it was an idiotic statement....a great way to exempt oneself from putting any effort of their own into a relationship. I wish I had told her so.....but I held my tongue...wasn't in the mood to hear her defend him.

37

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

Like redvelvet said, it takes 2 to tango :slight_smile:

  1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

  2. When you go home say 'Assalamualaikum. ’ (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

  3. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) described the wife as a fragile ve…ssel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

  4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

  5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

  6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

  7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

  8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

  9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed – sallallahu alaihi wa sallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said ‘I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife’. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

  10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

  11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said ‘When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves’.

  12. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed sallallahu alaihi wa sallam called Aisha ‘ya Aish’ as an endearment.

  13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

  14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

  15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakat in your marriage.

  16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

  17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

  18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

  19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

  20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said gifts increases love.

  21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

  22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

  23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

  24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

  25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

  26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your success.

  27. Don’t put your friends above your wife.

  28. Help your wife at home. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

  29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

  30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

  31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

  32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
    …

  33. Don’t try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

  34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

  35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

  36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shaitaan.

  37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

  38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn’t like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.

  39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) ‘if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.’ It confirms prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

  40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

  41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

  42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

  43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

  44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

  45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

  46. Let her know you are travelling. Don’t tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

  47. Don’t leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

  48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

  49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

  50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

  51. Allah( swt) said ‘live with your wives in kindness.’ Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

  52. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam showed that at the time of intimacy. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

  53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

  54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

  55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam Get rid of this disease.

  56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

  57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

  58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

  59. Accept her as she is. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

  60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

  61. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.

  62. Give sincere Salaams.

  63. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.

  64. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.

  65. Be generous with her.

  66. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.

  67. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.

  68. Look good and smell great for your wife.

  69. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.

  70. Be a good listener.

  71. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.

  72. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.

  73. A pleasant surprise.

  74. Preserve and guard the tongue.

  75. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.

  76. Give sincere compliments.

  77. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.

  78. Speak of the topic of her interest.

  79. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.

  80. Give each other gifts.

  81. Get rid of routine, surprise her.

  82. Have a good opinion of each other.

  83. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.

  84. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.

  85. Expect and respect her jealously.

  86. Be humble.

  87. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.

  88. Help at home, with housework.

  89. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.

  90. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.

  91. Remember your wife in Du’a.

  92. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.

  93. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.

  94. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.

  95. Put food in your wife’s mouth.

  96. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.

  97. Show her your smile.

  98. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.

  99. Avoid being harsh-hearted.

  100. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.

  101. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.

  102. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.

  103. Help her take care of the children.

  104. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.

  105. Sit down and eat meals together.

  106. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.

  107. Don’t leave home in anger.

  108. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.

  109. Encourage each other in worship.

  110. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.

  111. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.

  112. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.

  113. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.

  114. Show care for her health and well-being.

  115. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.

  116. Share your happiness and sadness with her.

  117. Have mercy for her weaknesses.

  118. Be a firm support for her to lean on.

  119. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.

  120. Have a good intention for her.

  121. Cook a dish for her.

  122. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.

  123. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.

  124. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.

  125. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.

  126. Send your wife an email without a reason.

  127. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.

  128. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.

  129. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.

  130. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.

  131. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.

  132. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.

  133. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.

  134. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.

  135. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.

  136. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.

  137. Adopt a kitten for her if she likes.

  138. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.

  139. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.

  140. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.

  141. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).

38

Re: making a problem out of nothing :frowning:

WHERE is @Sogni???

39

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

Confession: I usually don't bother second glancing at beautiful men cuz I'm too cool, lazy (and somewhat sharif) but I was recently at a wedding where I couldn't stop looking at this guy. Subhanallah kya hot aankh, naak aur dari thi. Then I also checked his brother out to see if it runs in the family.

It happens.

40

Re: making a problem out of nothing :(

good question demesne :@: