noor321
October 16, 2012, 10:06pm
30
Re: Maids/Nanny
^ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take advantage of available help though! even if you’re asking your mom or mil, its still asking someone else for help. and if they’re not available but a nanny is, well then, you use a nanny. there’s no need to be a super mom and try and do everything by yourself, esp if its affecting your health. a tired, stressed out, sick mommy is not a good mommy.
i think every situation is different. i know someone who is very well off, has two kids and a live-in nanny. its not about being lazy or making a statement for her, but she finds she can give her undivided attention to the younger one when the older one is off on play dates and various classes (ballet, karate, etc.) with the nanny during the day. the nanny works regular hours (9-5), has weekends off, is paid very well and gets unemployment insurance, so its not like she’s their slave and is available always. its more a case of having a helper around. both the girls love her (they also love their parents, in case anyone was wondering :p). she also goes on working vacations with them, and does the vacuuming, laundry and general housekeeping when at home. if i could afford it and i had more than one child, i would absolutely opt for a situation like that.
its different in pakistan and dubai- there, nannies are treated like slaves, really. they’re underpaid, overworked, and in the worst cases, abused. thats when it gets ridiculous and out of hand.
Reha:
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hiring help as long as you’re still being the parent.
Having a kid or kids doesn’t mean you should be frazzled all the time. Having help means you should be able to do more with your child versus worrying about the cleaning and the cooking and household all at once.
My sisters have help but its for the house…not to help raise the kids. It helps them free up their time so they can do more with the kids. We’ve never had a nanny or babysitter. No one has ever fed them, clothed them, cleaned them or anything aside from their parents or us.
Nannies are good though for people who have a lot going on, no family to help, more than one kid and need the help. Why not?
Oh my , I would love to have a maid right now. With two kids 2 years apart and a husband who is not there for 6 months of the year. I would love to have someone help me with doing laundry, folding, ironing, vacuuming, cutting and chopping, kitchen clean up, bathroom clean up and general chores so that I can play with my kids, take them out without rushing them to get back in time to make dinner and fresh roti.
I don’t think nannies/maids should be raising our kids am against it but I think a mom is allowed to have someone who can help her keep a good home and environment for the kids. I think women who have help are better rested, less stressed and that helps them being great moms coz their solo focus is the kids. And they get some time to take a decent shower and actually use conditioner.
^i love last line of your post auto:)
i have one kid only but still would love to have a maid/nanny who can help me with HOUSEWORK and NOT raising or spending time with kid…i dont know how you guys are handling your house n 2 kids all by yourself:bummer: i could even sell my jewellery to have a nanny-help with 2 kids…
Gemini_the_Great:
So the ones who are against nannies n maids..do they have kids?
I work full time and I have an 11 month old..I can’t cook or do anything in the house in the evening until my husband is there to watch him otherwise let’s say we have way too many unwanted falls here and there while he is trying to walk. I will not lie when I say my day starts at 6:30am and ends around 11pm but I haven’t threaded my upper lips in months because I don’t have time for myself. Anyway, my child does go to daycare for 5 hours everyday and I don’t think she s raising him for me..I spend a lot if time with him to make up for those missing hours.
My sister has 4 boys under the age of 12 and she has a live in Maid in pakistan,.I can’t imagine her life without the maid.. I strongly believe that she needs that to keep her sanity. I visit her and I can’t keep up with her activities for her kids..swimming, riding, playground time, homework.. I may have needed two live in maids if I was inner situation.
If you can afford it, please hire help. No one is getting award for being a superwoman!
Ps! This is my second pet peeve and the first one is natural birth vs epidural or c section! We don’t come out if child birth wearing medals but only holding our little bundle of joy who came into this world one way or another.
Ps2: rant over!
Nothing wrong with hiring help. Its when the kids are completely given over to the nannies, who unfortunalty happens to be 10-12 year old little girls in pakistan, that I think the issues appear which OP is addressing.
Personally I would rather hire help for the house and then take care of the kids myself, but then again I plan only to have two angel-like children
Maids are a blessing. No two ways about it. In future if I can afford it I will def have one or two or more and I think everyone should have one. Provides employment to those who need it, mothers can go back to work or shopping (which eventually helps the economy).
Whether you are a SAHM or a working mother, you are constantly on duty no matter what. Not like men , who go to wok for 8 hrs a day and then that’s it. So having a maid helps.
If a nanny is feeding a child does not mean she is bringing him up.
As long as a parent is spending time with their child, is focusing on their mental well and physical well being grooming their minds with right education, I think its a job well done.
Here in Bahrain I have seen numerous women whose kids are fed by maids 3 times a day everyday but they are excellent mothers.
What is wrong is when you treat them like slaves, which happens A LOT in Arab / Indian/ Paki culture. That is what should stop , not hiring of maids. Government needs to make sure that maids or driver or cooks etc have their own labor laws which dictate basic pay , no of hours to be worked in a day etc etc. And then ofcourse you get those who see it as a status symbol, again morally wrong but nothing illegal about it.
Even if the mother who you talk about has a maid besides having a cook or a driver or whatever, does not make her a bad mother. A lazy person maybe, chances are there the kid is going to be spoil brat or arrogant. What she has to do is to make sure her kids treat the help with respect , say thank and please to them and has certain chores to do in a day. That way the child realizes that he is privileged but is thankful and humble about it.
Oh yea and hire adults. No child labor please. Which surprisingly happens mostly in the educated class. Thank god in Bahrain there is no child labor. But in India, Bombay I have been to many highly educated people’s home where the help was a teenager.
If I could afford it I would get one in a heartbeat. Just thinking abt handling my tot AND a newborn is driving me nuts.
Sehrysh:
My sister is a SAHM, has 4 kids m’A and she has a nanny (well actually her nanny just went on maternity leave and she needs to hire a new nanny). She considers having a nanny a Godsend because she helps her keep her sanity.
The nanny can help feed one of the kids when she’s feeding the others. Or play with one of the kids when she’s helping another do their homework. Or clean up the kitchen while my sister puts the kids to bed.
Yes, some women leave their child(ren) entirely with the nanny or maid and I agree that’s wrong, you can’t abdicate the responsibility of parenting, but having someone help out so that you have quality time with your children, well why not?
I’m not in the situation yet but in future, I think I wouldn’t mind a helping hand in doing little baby chores like washing the feeding bottles, clothes, etc. Obviously its not like handing your kid over to the maid or whatever but a think a mommy DOES need some help from around, if not husband or any relative then why not maid?
Anyway I think only those can give fair and justified opinion who have been into this situation. Someone who hasn’t been in the situation isn’t fit really to comment whether its a fine thing to do or not.
Actually, that sounds like a typical toddler. Heck most of it sounds like what my 10 month old girl is doing these days. Most kids are hyper. They eventually settle down by the time they are 3 or 4.
Mothers should be free to hire a maid or a nanny. I don’t know why people concern themselves with the affairs of others. How is that affecting you? I have seen tons of stay at home moms with no help but their kids don’t get enough time from them because the poor moms have to take care of a gazillion household errands. How is that any better?!
To all the above posts, I never accused anyone having a maid/nanny as wrong or said that one shouldn’t have one. I meant that some people take it to the next level and was looking for general discussion.
As other posters have pointed out that people hire 10 or 12 year olds to do this, which IMHO is wrong and cruel. I don’t think it is wrong to have a maid/nanny whether you are SAHM or a Working mum. But all I said was that I have seen people have both maids for housework and a separate one for the kids and yet still don’t give enough attention on kids or expect everything to be done by the maids. Now if you do your own housework and have a maid for your children or vice versa, I don’t think that is wrong either. Someone once told me a maid chewed up the food for a baby and fed it to him, now that is plain wrong.
@GTG , in your situation having a maid to look after your baby is not wrong, and I would never say that, as you deserve rest in some form, either by her doing the housework or looking after your baby or both lol.