Maids/Nanny

[Sehrysh]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@Umer

Over here in Europe it’s quite uncommon to have a nanny anyway. Even when we lived in Dubai we didn’t have a live-in nanny. Only a cleaning lady who came by twice a week which was perfectly fine.

I always found it very disturbing to see the following very common scene in Shopping Malls in Dubai:

Husband and Wife (mostly Arabs, but I’ve seen Desis do this too) are walking together, while the nanny walks with a bunch of small kids, managing them all on her own with ZERO participation or help from the parents even if one or two of the kids are crying. That always made me really mad.

Totally agree with you!!! For these kinds of people, the nanny is a status symbol who lets the mummy and daddy all but forget that they have kids. The parents carry on with their lives and socializing and leave the kids to the nanny - the nanny keeps the nuisance of parenting away from the parents

[chips6]

Re: Maids/Nanny

This is a status symbol (mostly) in Pakistan and as someone else mentioned these are young girls helping with the kids,round the clock.
This is where it becomes wrong.
There is nothing wrong with hiring help...Paksitan or abroad...SAHM or working mom...one kid or more...
As long as you are not designating them to do your job as parent,I think it is good.

I am a SAHM and if I could,I would take some help from a nanny/maid any day..!!...

[hareem01]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@Umer

Over here in Europe it’s quite uncommon to have a nanny anyway. Even when we lived in Dubai we didn’t have a live-in nanny. Only a cleaning lady who came by twice a week which was perfectly fine.

I always found it very disturbing to see the following very common scene in Shopping Malls in Dubai:

Husband and Wife (mostly Arabs, but I’ve seen Desis do this too) are walking together, while the nanny walks with a bunch of small kids, managing them all on her own with ZERO participation or help from the parents even if one or two of the kids are crying. That always made me really mad.

Wow that’s just wrong.

[akmoti]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@WendyDarling

If I could afford it I would get one in a heartbeat. Just thinking abt handling my tot AND a newborn is driving me nuts.
I don’t see anything wrong with hiring a nanny. It’s not like your kids will start calling her mom or anything like that. I think women, esp mothers, need to make life easier for themselves … everything should not be hard in life. Heck, I’d even hire a nanny now .. and** I’m a SAHM** ** Chalo, ab judge me.**

SAHMs are not that farigh jitni nazar ati hain…
i’m sahm too n i want a nannyyyyyy

[arshad5]

Re: Maids/Nanny

I kept a maid as a helper almost 2 yrs after my baby was born because I have a very tough kid, he is active, hyper, naughty and super dangerous and all day long I would just be looking after him, cooking for him, chasing him for each bite, picking his mess. As a result it would be 4pm before I could properly eat when he would nap. And it took me 1-2 hours to get him to sleep, and same at night and he would wake up 3-4 times a night. I just completely gave up on my health and personal well being, I couldn't bath or use the loo in peace, I brushed my teeth with one hand whilst holding his other so he wouldnt open the dustbin, heck I blame my m/c on my poor health and mental well being. Now that I have a maid it makes a world of a difference. I can eat in peace, she helps clean up, etc etc, I also take her out with me because my kid is the kind who will just run blindly at the speed of lightening and I can get no grocery or errands done. I wish I had gotten help earlier because I was also anti-maids and wanted to raise my kids totally on my own. if I had an easier, calmer kid And if my in-laws would've been helpful and hubby didnt work crazy long hours i would not have kept a maid at all. Every kid/family is different.

Sounds like my little one and my wifes routine. You cannot leave him out of your sight for even a minute. He is also very hyper. We don't have a nanny and I don't believe in keeping nannies however my wife has a helper that comes in for a couple of hours each day and tidies up the house. However if we have another hyper kid then I just don't know how we will manage to look after 2.

[Lusi]

Re: Maids/Nanny

^^ goodluck @ parent teacher conferences :D

[arshad5]

Re: Maids/Nanny

I am just hoping that he settles down by the age of 2 or 3. He wants to climb over the balcony, play in the bathroom, climb up and down the stairs, pull the sockets out of the wall, you cannot switch a laptop in his presence, climb on dining table, rip up the books, break the tv. As soon as he gets out of the car he wants to sprint. You take him to a park and he just keeps on running and you have to chase after him.

I must have done something wrong in my previous life:D.

[Lusi]

Re: Maids/Nanny

well just make sure no matter how tired you are, he gets plenty of outside playtime that can help him release his energy. try setting a some sort of schedule with hi...like when he hears the whistle in the park, it is dinner time, or swimming time (whatever). maybe it will help him. good luck :D

[cherryontop]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@arshad5

I am just hoping that he settles down by the age of 2 or 3. He wants to climb over the balcony, play in the bathroom, climb up and down the stairs, pull the sockets out of the wall, you cannot switch a laptop in his presence, climb on dining table, rip up the books, break the tv. As soon as he gets out of the car he wants to sprint. You take him to a park and he just keeps on running and you have to chase after him.

I must have done something wrong in my previous life:D.

Actually, that sounds like a typical toddler. Heck most of it sounds like what my 10 month old girl is doing these days. Most kids are hyper. They eventually settle down by the time they are 3 or 4.

Mothers should be free to hire a maid or a nanny. I don't know why people concern themselves with the affairs of others. How is that affecting you? I have seen tons of stay at home moms with no help but their kids don't get enough time from them because the poor moms have to take care of a gazillion household errands. How is that any better?!

[noor321]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@somegroovychick

^ doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take advantage of available help though! even if you’re asking your mom or mil, its still asking someone else for help. and if they’re not available but a nanny is, well then, you use a nanny. there’s no need to be a super mom and try and do everything by yourself, esp if its affecting your health. a tired, stressed out, sick mommy is not a good mommy.

i think every situation is different. i know someone who is very well off, has two kids and a live-in nanny. its not about being lazy or making a statement for her, but she finds she can give her undivided attention to the younger one when the older one is off on play dates and various classes (ballet, karate, etc.) with the nanny during the day. the nanny works regular hours (9-5), has weekends off, is paid very well and gets unemployment insurance, so its not like she’s their slave and is available always. its more a case of having a helper around. both the girls love her (they also love their parents, in case anyone was wondering :p). she also goes on working vacations with them, and does the vacuuming, laundry and general housekeeping when at home. if i could afford it and i had more than one child, i would absolutely opt for a situation like that.

its different in pakistan and dubai- there, nannies are treated like slaves, really. they’re underpaid, overworked, and in the worst cases, abused. thats when it gets ridiculous and out of hand.

@Reha

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with hiring help as long as you’re still being the parent.

Having a kid or kids doesn’t mean you should be frazzled all the time. Having help means you should be able to do more with your child versus worrying about the cleaning and the cooking and household all at once.

My sisters have help but its for the house…not to help raise the kids. It helps them free up their time so they can do more with the kids. We’ve never had a nanny or babysitter. No one has ever fed them, clothed them, cleaned them or anything aside from their parents or us.

Nannies are good though for people who have a lot going on, no family to help, more than one kid and need the help. Why not?

@automne77

Oh my , I would love to have a maid right now. With two kids 2 years apart and a husband who is not there for 6 months of the year. I would love to have someone help me with doing laundry, folding, ironing, vacuuming, cutting and chopping, kitchen clean up, bathroom clean up and general chores so that I can play with my kids, take them out without rushing them to get back in time to make dinner and fresh roti.

I don’t think nannies/maids should be raising our kids am against it but I think a mom is allowed to have someone who can help her keep a good home and environment for the kids. I think women who have help are better rested, less stressed and that helps them being great moms coz their solo focus is the kids. And they get some time to take a decent shower and actually use conditioner.

@akmoti

^i love last line of your post auto:)

i have one kid only but still would love to have a maid/nanny who can help me with HOUSEWORK and NOT raising or spending time with kid…i dont know how you guys are handling your house n 2 kids all by yourself:bummer: i could even sell my jewellery to have a nanny-help with 2 kids…
but OP is right in some cases…where there are maids for housekeeping…n moms still keep a seperate maid infact a 10-12yr old bachi and it looks really annoying…in that case moms are not spending time with their kids at all…moms are walking around the malls all lush push in jewellery,designer clothes,blow dried hair n makeup while the little nanny who cant even hold the baby for so long…is walking behind the mommy like a slave…that is definitely not right…i’ve seen it in pakistan only

@Gemini_the_Great

So the ones who are against nannies n maids..do they have kids?

I work full time and I have an 11 month old..I can’t cook or do anything in the house in the evening until my husband is there to watch him otherwise let’s say we have way too many unwanted falls here and there while he is trying to walk. I will not lie when I say my day starts at 6:30am and ends around 11pm but I haven’t threaded my upper lips in months because I don’t have time for myself. Anyway, my child does go to daycare for 5 hours everyday and I don’t think she s raising him for me..I spend a lot if time with him to make up for those missing hours.

My sister has 4 boys under the age of 12 and she has a live in Maid in pakistan,.I can’t imagine her life without the maid.. I strongly believe that she needs that to keep her sanity. I visit her and I can’t keep up with her activities for her kids..swimming, riding, playground time, homework.. I may have needed two live in maids if I was inner situation.

If you can afford it, please hire help. No one is getting award for being a superwoman!

Ps! This is my second pet peeve and the first one is natural birth vs epidural or c section! We don’t come out if child birth wearing medals but only holding our little bundle of joy who came into this world one way or another.

Ps2: rant over!

@Sweetmoi

Nothing wrong with hiring help. Its when the kids are completely given over to the nannies, who unfortunalty happens to be 10-12 year old little girls in pakistan, that I think the issues appear which OP is addressing.

Personally I would rather hire help for the house and then take care of the kids myself, but then again I plan only to have two angel-like children

@payal_sharma

Maids are a blessing. No two ways about it. In future if I can afford it I will def have one or two or more and I think everyone should have one. Provides employment to those who need it, mothers can go back to work or shopping (which eventually helps the economy).

Whether you are a SAHM or a working mother, you are constantly on duty no matter what. Not like men , who go to wok for 8 hrs a day and then that’s it. So having a maid helps.

If a nanny is feeding a child does not mean she is bringing him up.

As long as a parent is spending time with their child, is focusing on their mental well and physical well being grooming their minds with right education, I think its a job well done.

Here in Bahrain I have seen numerous women whose kids are fed by maids 3 times a day everyday but they are excellent mothers.

What is wrong is when you treat them like slaves, which happens A LOT in Arab / Indian/ Paki culture. That is what should stop , not hiring of maids. Government needs to make sure that maids or driver or cooks etc have their own labor laws which dictate basic pay , no of hours to be worked in a day etc etc. And then ofcourse you get those who see it as a status symbol, again morally wrong but nothing illegal about it.

Even if the mother who you talk about has a maid besides having a cook or a driver or whatever, does not make her a bad mother. A lazy person maybe, chances are there the kid is going to be spoil brat or arrogant. What she has to do is to make sure her kids treat the help with respect , say thank and please to them and has certain chores to do in a day. That way the child realizes that he is privileged but is thankful and humble about it.

Oh yea and hire adults. No child labor please. Which surprisingly happens mostly in the educated class. Thank god in Bahrain there is no child labor. But in India, Bombay I have been to many highly educated people’s home where the help was a teenager.

@WendyDarling

If I could afford it I would get one in a heartbeat. Just thinking abt handling my tot AND a newborn is driving me nuts.
I don’t see anything wrong with hiring a nanny. It’s not like your kids will start calling her mom or anything like that. I think women, esp mothers, need to make life easier for themselves … everything should not be hard in life. Heck, I’d even hire a nanny now .. and I’m a SAHM Chalo, ab judge me.

@Sehrysh

My sister is a SAHM, has 4 kids m’A and she has a nanny (well actually her nanny just went on maternity leave and she needs to hire a new nanny). She considers having a nanny a Godsend because she helps her keep her sanity.

The nanny can help feed one of the kids when she’s feeding the others. Or play with one of the kids when she’s helping another do their homework. Or clean up the kitchen while my sister puts the kids to bed.

Yes, some women leave their child(ren) entirely with the nanny or maid and I agree that’s wrong, you can’t abdicate the responsibility of parenting, but having someone help out so that you have quality time with your children, well why not?

@mirage

I’m not in the situation yet but in future, I think I wouldn’t mind a helping hand in doing little baby chores like washing the feeding bottles, clothes, etc. Obviously its not like handing your kid over to the maid or whatever but a think a mommy DOES need some help from around, if not husband or any relative then why not maid?

Anyway I think only those can give fair and justified opinion who have been into this situation. Someone who hasn’t been in the situation isn’t fit really to comment whether its a fine thing to do or not.

@akmoti

SAHMs are not that farigh jitni nazar ati hain…
i’m sahm too n i want a nannyyyyyy

@cherryontop

Actually, that sounds like a typical toddler. Heck most of it sounds like what my 10 month old girl is doing these days. Most kids are hyper. They eventually settle down by the time they are 3 or 4.

Mothers should be free to hire a maid or a nanny. I don’t know why people concern themselves with the affairs of others. How is that affecting you? I have seen tons of stay at home moms with no help but their kids don’t get enough time from them because the poor moms have to take care of a gazillion household errands. How is that any better?!

To all the above posts, I never accused anyone having a maid/nanny as wrong or said that one shouldn’t have one. I meant that some people take it to the next level and was looking for general discussion.

As other posters have pointed out that people hire 10 or 12 year olds to do this, which IMHO is wrong and cruel. I don’t think it is wrong to have a maid/nanny whether you are SAHM or a Working mum. But all I said was that I have seen people have both maids for housework and a separate one for the kids and yet still don’t give enough attention on kids or expect everything to be done by the maids. Now if you do your own housework and have a maid for your children or vice versa, I don’t think that is wrong either. Someone once told me a maid chewed up the food for a baby and fed it to him, now that is plain wrong.

@GTG, in your situation having a maid to look after your baby is not wrong, and I would never say that, as you deserve rest in some form, either by her doing the housework or looking after your baby or both lol.

[Sara516]

Re: Maids/Nanny

but kids are meant to be like that i dont want 2 be offensive to any1 but i dont agree wih nannys at all

It never ceases to amaze me the gems that come up in here......

:D

[fuzzypeach]

Re: Maids/Nanny

I have a very diverse circle of friends, some do have nannies ( generally Filipino). I've never had one cause I like to do things myself and enjoy my time with the kids. I would rather hire a house cleaner ( I have ).
One of my friends she is so unintentionally funny. We were at a wedding and her baby, leaked through his clothes. She was all dolled up and was treary eyed. I asked if she was ok and she replied " oh I don't know what to do, the baby has leaked and I am calling Helen (nanny) and she isn't picking up. I have my hsy dress on and I can't ruin it!!!"
She didn't know how to wipe her own babies bum for fear of ruining her dress!!!
Her son and my son were only 2 weeks apart, so I had my "mummy artillery and the kitchen sink" bag. Took her baby to the washroom, cleaned him up put clean clothes on him. Whilst she just looked useless!
Honestly it was so funny!

[TLK]

Re: Maids/Nanny

@Gemini_the_Great

Ps! This is my second pet peeve and the first one is natural birth vs epidural or c section! We don't come out if child birth wearing medals but only holding our little bundle of joy who came into this world one way or another.

add to that the medal of potty training your kid at 1 and sending him to Kumons classes at pre-school age.

btw, I understand OP's POV because maid/nanny thingie is truning into a status symbol. But economically its not a bad thing either. I mean, even a semi-rich family in Pakistan is supporting 3-4 por familes by having a full time driver, full time maid, chokidaar and cook. Its amazing and works great for a country like Pakistan.

[Hmmna]

Re: Maids/Nanny

To all the above posts, I never accused anyone having a maid/nanny as wrong or said that one shouldn't have one. I meant that some people take it to the next level and was looking for general discussion.

As other posters have pointed out that people hire 10 or 12 year olds to do this, which IMHO is wrong and cruel. I don't think it is wrong to have a maid/nanny whether you are SAHM or a Working mum. But all I said was that I have seen people have both maids for housework and a separate one for the kids and yet still don't give enough attention on kids or expect everything to be done by the maids. Now if you do your own housework and have a maid for your children or vice versa, I don't think that is wrong either. Someone once told me a maid chewed up the food for a baby and fed it to him, now that is plain wrong.

@GTG, in your situation having a maid to look after your baby is not wrong, and I would never say that, as you deserve rest in some form, either by her doing the housework or looking after your baby or both lol.

well if u wanted a general discussion you centainly got one. all the mums gave you their opinions. i think u wanted everyone to agree with you and join in on the SAHM bashing

[njgal]

Re: Maids/Nanny

There is nothing wrong with hired help. Might even turn you into a better parent.

If it lets you spend QUALITY time with your kids why not?
If you can afford it, why not?

I see maids and nannies going to vacation with their employeers to keep the parents sane. It's a bit OTT but sure what ever works for your family dynamics.

[somegroovychick]

Re: Maids/Nanny

I have a very diverse circle of friends, some do have nannies ( generally Filipino). I've never had one cause I like to do things myself and enjoy my time with the kids. I would rather hire a house cleaner ( I have ). One of my friends she is so unintentionally funny. We were at a wedding and her baby, leaked through his clothes. She was all dolled up and was treary eyed. I asked if she was ok and she replied " oh I don't know what to do, the baby has leaked and I am calling Helen (nanny) and she isn't picking up. I have my hsy dress on and I can't ruin it!!!" She didn't know how to wipe her own babies bum for fear of ruining her dress!!! Her son and my son were only 2 weeks apart, so I had my "mummy artillery and the kitchen sink" bag. Took her baby to the washroom, cleaned him up put clean clothes on him. Whilst she just looked useless! Honestly it was so funny!

for real? that's lame. this is where i think mummy dearest should get off her bum and learn how to care for her own baby instead of relying on the nanny!

[chips6]

Re: Maids/Nanny

A mother cannot change her kids' soiled clothing because that will will ruin hers...??..that is sad....and something what I think Snooki said...!

[fuzzypeach]

Re: Maids/Nanny

In her defence she was raised as a dumb blond quite affluent family. Her mother thought that rich men are alpha male types and don't want a wife with opinions and intelligence, they only want a beautiful trophy wife. She is product of that thinking. But it was still hilarious!!!

[SaadiaB]

Re: Maids/Nanny

I don't have a nanny but a maid/cleaning lady. No way can I have someone else take care of my kids, not even my own parents. I dont have a peace of mind if someone other us parents are taking care of the kids.

[noor321]

Re: Maids/Nanny

well if u wanted a general discussion you centainly got one. all the mums gave you their opinions. i think u wanted everyone to agree with you and join in on the SAHM bashing

Urm excuse me I never bashed SAHMs and my opening post said that there is nothing wrong in should having help but there should be a limit where u are not entirely dependent. Don't people in pakistan go crazy if their masi doesn't come for one day. Also I respect SAHM, my mum is one too and I love that she was there all the time for me and that doesn't imply working mums aren't great either as they are doing a lot of mehnat for their kids future. I never intended to bash either one, only stating an opinion after I had seen some scenarios and asked for others point of view.

Please see the highlighted part below from my first opening post:

My opinion is that I don't think it is entirely wrong, as the mum should get rest and be able to go out and about, but leaving every itsy bitsy thing of the child/children up to the nanny is wrong. I have seen mothers letting the maids feed the kids even when they can themselves and are not busy at all. They can't go out without having the maids with them, even if they only have 2 kids. I mean there should be a limit to how much the help is used. This is not restricted to Pakistani mothers, I have seen people from other countries do it as well. Some people keep a maid per child or two for four kids. Also this isn't just the high society people but some are from upper middle or middle class.