Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
^
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
rabia3983, very genius. yes mashaal listen to her. bring your uw along but dont forget to place the car inside it
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
Ab inlaws underwear bhi dilayengay kya?
Okay maybe this needs to be said…doesn’t matter if you’re getting married or not…always travel with ample amount of underwear!
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
I don't think she needs to buy anything to take with her...unless she herself wants to. Duniya ki har cheez milti hai yahan...jab zuroorat ho le lena. The price difference isn't like its free ka maal. Bringing it here will cost money too.
Honestly, stop worrying about this...let your dad know that your phuppi is developing some very unrealistic expectations. However, when you're around her...play DUMB! Just agree and say "ji, bohot khubsurat hai...bilkul sahi kaha apne" and that's it. Kehne mein kya jata hai? Not only will playing dumb take the burden of clarification off your shoulders...it will also force her to be crystal clear if she is indeed serious about a tagra jahaiz. At which point - once again - your dad can take charge.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
I am pretty sure he isn't, but why would you go anywhere without your essenitals. If you go over to a friends house to stay over...you still take your own towels etc. Also, these things are really good and cheap in Pakitsan.
A cousin on mine actually traveled to the US with everything but just a pair of underwears... when she got here the situation was very odd and her inlaws kept the couple separated until the valima was done (not sure why, but thats another issue,) she was too shy to ask her SIL, so she asked me to buy are some underwear. So, there you go...hubby had all the money, but she had to ask me for them. She did this because some had told her underwears are better in the US so wait to get them there.
Desi clothes are super expensive in the US and hard to find good stuff...why wouldn't you bring that from Pakistan. Also, the whole issue of MIL's choice and your own choice comes in as well. Would you really want to have outfits that are picked my your MIL when you have a choice of getting your own.
She is going to her husband's house not some friend etc. I am talking about clothing but home necessities like bedsheets, towels, etc.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
Ditto!!
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
Hey guys I want unbiased suggestion so here I am posting it here. My mother in law is also my dads sister, so I got engaged to my cousin last year they live abroad its arranged thingy and v r also happy with it. marriage is in this winter. This summer she came to pak for my cousin wedding 1. so she told my mom on phone the girl side make such beautiful curtains and bedsets u should come see them. 2. She keep on mentioning they like carving furniture and they want to set their home in islamabad. Etc etc like Dinning, drawing etc 3. She is mentioning car a lot these days. 4. she keeps on pointing out every ad on tv or poster on billboard see how beautiful this model is how skinny that model is in functions pointing on random girls n compliment their beauty n clothes etc buy never give any compliment to me btw I'm above average girl n other people do like me 5. I was wearing wide leg jumpsuit, she said don't wear it in family gatherings its for going out on movies or appropriate for uni gatherings but this other day v were in beach tree shop n she picked one jumpsuit that I like it for my daughter my.mom said oh this is the one mashaal was wearing in other design she said oh no my daughter actually don't like wide leg jumpsuit n than she said to me my elder bahu daughter in law who is also my cousin bought jumpsuit with her from pak her was better y yrs had silk jacket like something with it I said hmm its in fashion these days than she said I don't like wide leg my daughter like it in fitting. 5. The other day she was mentioning to my mom girls should be Islamic, respectful towards elders, could Händel house chores, could pamper husbands n take care of every need , respect them , social n fun loving , could let go husbands mistakes, smart n beautiful, could manage work n home life , should take permission from elders before doing anything etc my mom said so girls r suppose to do everything she said yes shadi is not suppose to b bed of roses etc etc 6. I took her for shopping as she wanted to buy some summer lawn suits n tailor work, she constantly was sayin make list n shop accordingly for shadi from my mom side so she mentioned bed sets, buy towel set for urself n hubby, shawls fr me 3 to 4 , suits n their types oh n she insists on giving suits to every single relative in family in shadi rasam
So I'm irriate now I mean my mom dad r doing all this not because she wants it but because they want to n I m tryin so hard to but she is losing respect in my eyes she is blessed Allhumdulilah they r financially v stable. And why she keep mentioning other girls n models beauty n dressing sense everyone likes me n my dresses I know it may sound stupid y I care but again n again its getting a lil irritating, basically I don't know what she is upto I m clam person so i don answer her back ever But now i want to
so your MIL wants you to be islamic when it comes to being respectful towards elders, but she' readily following non-muslim tradition when it comes to demanding/expecting jahez?
hopefully your fiancee will be on your side. if you want to bring clothes or whatever personal need items you want to, thats different. but she shouldn't have a say in what you should or shouldn't be bringing.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
that was just one example of what she didn't bring. You guys can make fun of it all you want...but its true and actually happened. Some people travelling from Pakistan are just that stupid. Also, are the people telling them DON"T TAKE anything with you. There is nothing wrong with taking some stuff like your own towel, clothes that you have picked out outfits.
My own inlaws didn't ask for it, but I knew what I will need once I came back to the US...I got everything with me...my own money.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
rabia3983, very genius. yes mashaal listen to her. bring your uw along but dont forget to place the car inside it
I never told her to buy a car. why not read everything before saying anything.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
She is going to her husband's house not some friend etc. I am talking about clothing but home necessities like bedsheets, towels, etc.
Lusi do you know the cost of desi clothes in Pakistan compare to US? why wouldn't you want to take them from Pakistan. If OP would have asked me I would have said the same thing...take a lot of desi outfits. The MIL is being realistic, at least talking about that.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
You did not read my reply. I said I am talking general house hold necessities and not personal clothing e.g shalwar kameez, undergarments, etc
And yes, don't get tons of shalwar keemez either, they go out of fashion, you might get pregnant, etc.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/wedding/640727-help-shopping-for-wedding-and-moving-to-states.html
interesting post by the OP.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
An upcoming wedding often causes some temporary insanity in people. They suddenly become petty, materialistic, paranoid, greedy, competitive, when this is not their natural state. I think there is A LOT of stress that surrounds a wedding:
1. Is this the right decision for my child?
2. How will this new influence in my child's life affect him/her?
3. This new person in my child's life is a reflection of me/our family. Is this person reflecting what I feel is the "right" way to do things?
4. I've judged other brides/weddings in the past -- will this wedding reflect what I think is right/correct?
5. If this person doesn't behave in the way that I would, what will people think of me/my family? The whole "log kya kahenge" thing is REALLY powerful in our culture, especially if your wedding is one of the first in the family.
There's probably a lot more to it. This is just scratching the surface.
As other users have said, let your father handle this stuff. You just smile and ignore. Do not take this stuff personally, as it's probably not really about you. Don't worry about being compared to others in terms of looks or what you've given/brought with you. All that stuff doesn't really matter. What matters is the life you are creating with your husband and his family. Show them what a gem is joining their family by allaying their fears without giving into things you don't believe in.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
Your MIl sounds greedy. When people get married and move abroad, they do not buy furniture etc for their in laws house but some in laws want that their house in Pakistan should be furnished with jehaz.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
She is going to her husband's house not some friend etc. I am talking about clothing but home necessities like bedsheets, towels, etc.
edit: I am not talking about personal clothing but home necessities like bed sheets, towels, etc.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
What's your parents (esp dad's) reaction to all this?
To me, this is a red flag no matter how common this behavior this be in our society.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
Sad how people want the daughter in law to bring everything in dowry that is required to set up a new house without their son providing the girl a new house. I think your phupho is being greedy but I also doubt your dad will protest.
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
I hope and pray that Mashaal Jawad is not your real name...
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
why is that a problem?
Re: m I reading too much into it (MIL)
thank you everyone all I concluded is to ignore this , and focus on the positive good for my peace :)