Do you treat your loved ones with a lot of love like give them a hug every single time they or you leave the home, call them with terms of endearment like, jannu, honey, sweetie, darling etc. Do you tell your children everyday that you love them. I was watching Tony Robbins and he was saying that the way you treat people becomes your reality.
I would always make a huge fuss every time kids come back from school and hug them like I haven’t seen them for years.
I see a lot of people who talk to their wife and children in a harsh and demeaning way.
People have different ways of expressing their love. I don’t receive/give hugs to loved ones on a daily basis. But I try to ask them how they’re doing, how was their day. My parents don’t say “I love you” to us children…but I know their love is so apparent and very much felt through their actions and the time and energy they devote to us. There are people who express mostly thru actions and those that only express thru words but not so much with deeds…and those that express through both words and actions.
They say aapas main do bartan bhi takraa jatay hain. It is inevitable that you will get into spats with those you share a roof with, harsh words will be uttered from time to time. It’s a bittersweet dynamics, but hopefully the good times outnumber the bad and while no one is perfect…hopefully one sees more good qualities/memories than negative ones in their loved ones.
Nah!!! I am not feeling your answer, love needs to be continuously and regularly expressed in words and in actions and in service. So if you are in a relationship and your husband gives you the biggest hugs every time he leaves and every time he comes back, he buys you little surprises, praises you, shows appreciation addresses you with terms of endearment would that enhance your relationship with someone compared to someone who doesn’t express his love and has a frown on his face and talks harshly with you and children? and asks you to assume that he loves you.
Err… I never said that love shouldn’t be regularly expressed. When did I ever approve of harsh behavior…and that too on a regular basis?
I personally would get annoyed with daily, twice-a-day hugs…whether it’s from a spouse or even a parent. It’s too much for me. But if it works for you and your family, then great. You often talk about how you treat your wife and your kids and what you’re doing for them and what you want for them…and you seem like a very devoted husband with a good, stable family MashaAllah se and may it always remain this way…but understand that every individual, every family, every home is different in how they do things.
The important thing is that we try our best to do right by our loved ones, to show them love and patience, etc. And the best reward for our efforts is not the approval or applause from outsiders in the real or virtual world…that doesn’t matter and nor should one strive for that. The best reward or payback is Allah’s approval/raza and that our efforts result in the strengthening of those family bonds and that they bring out the good in our loved ones.
Humans are not that different, behavioral science will tell you that. We all love sincere compliments and we all hate negativity and criticism. Kids raised in homes with negativity, criticism and abuse will become damaged goods and will have a hard time adjusting in life. I was just dealing with a Pakistani family and the mother seemed so miserable and I really felt sorry for her and her daughters.
Yes, we all love sincere compliments and need affection and emotional support; I’m not gonna argue with behavioral science in that regard. But we differ in things like frequency, for instance. For example, some people are not as touchy-feely and don’t need or want twice-a-day, daily hugs. For others, it’s perfectly fine. Some people prefer to hear “I love/miss you” everyday; others don’t require it as often. Love is necessary, but there is still some variation in preferences and expression. And I never condoned abusive households.
I know everyone is different but some people are okay with just existing and are happy if they are breathing and I am talking about thriving and a life of passion and excitement and living to our fullest potential. I need to run up to the door and give my child returning from school the biggest hug and filling the room with positive energy. This one by Obama explains it.
I remember when I was little my mom used to give me a “Jadoo Ki Jhappi” every time I left for school. But over time I drifted away from her. Now if she’s up in the morning and I’m leaving for work she just says “Allah hafiz beyta” and I always think of the Jadoo ki Jhappi and how much I want to reach out to her and hug her, but the clock is ticking and time is money. So I rush out of the house and those memories just go to the “Reminisce folder” in my subconscious. I wish those days would return, I wish I could go back in time. But the sad reality is that we must drift apart from those whom we truly love. Only then we gain the importance of loving someone.
You are lucky that you have these memories, I don’t and that is why I took that approach. I want to fill their memories with millions of these jewels. My wife’s father passed away and she endlessly talks about how loving he was and how much he did for them.
Never too late, I used to be nasty and mean and the woman I married changed me. Now she is becoming a bit mean to the kids and I have to remind her to be nice and she turns around.
