Re: love vs status
love love love all d way , just coz somebody duznt hve money or a good status duznt mean dey shud nt b married as long as dey love u n r nice also nobody knws kiski kismat kab khulay .. i mean he/seh may get status after marriage.
wen my mum n dad gt married my dad hd nothing he ws a normal middle class man wid a normal job after marriage he went to holland n from dere on deyre life hs gt better n beter n if nt den today dey do hve enuff money for everyfin
Re: love vs status
arshad, sure compatability and personality counts...but if you take a closer look at arranged vs love matches, theres really a big difference. You cannot know for sure about compatability and personality in an arranged setting. You can get a general idea but contact is generally so limited that you only get to see the potential mate at his or her best and get no idea whatsoever about the day-to-day behaviors, likes, dislikes etc of the potential mate. In a love relationship, western style, the couple generally gets to know each other very well before taking the "big leap". That doesnt really make desi gals and their parents more "materialistic", to some extent sure...but I mean they really dont have much else to go on, yeah?
I think you can get a good idea of the personality of a person and compatibility after chatting with someone for an hour. Companies interview people for upto an hour and can decide who is better suited for the role. People can go to speed-dating and decide within 5 minutes if they like someone or not. Intuition plays an important part in deciding. I think Pakistani men and women have a lot more contact with each other now than ever before and should be able to get a good idea of the person before marriage.
Re: love vs status
Martin Luther King 
Desi 
Re: love vs status
I find deen to be the most important thing. That and committment to the marriage.
Re: love vs status
I think you can get a good idea of the personality of a person and compatibility after chatting with someone for an hour. Companies interview people for upto an hour and can decide who is better suited for the role. People can go to speed-dating and decide within 5 minutes if they like someone or not. Intuition plays an important part in deciding. I think Pakistani men and women have a lot more contact with each other now than ever before and should be able to get a good idea of the person before marriage.
^I only met my hubby once before marriage , it was when our rishta was about to be done . he was invited to dinner at my house . he kept answering my family and me his family , we dint talk to each other directly for once .
My marriage was a totally arranged marriage and the reason my parents got me married to my hubby was dat the family was really decent n the larka too. my hubby doesnt have a proper job yet , he works only part -time.
i dont agree with the fact that the parents opt for their daughters to get married to wealthy individuals instead of decent n responsible guys . howeva there might be some cases where poverty is a big issues n the gurls would prefer to get married into wealtheir families
Re: love vs status
my nani, when she was getting her daughters married off, she said that as long as the guy is educated, that is all that realyl matters. doesn't matter how rich he is now, because as they say, paisay haathon ki mitti hoti hai. and she's right. my khalas and mother agree with that point. and that is exactly what my nani did. she got her daughters married to really well educated men mashallah. and sure their lives in the beginning were a bit of work and struggle, but now, they are mashallah well settled.
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same ideas as muy mum , howeva she adds sharafat n responsibility to it.
Re: love vs status
If we are going to make general statements (wooohooo), then by in large, in almost all cultures, everyone marries in their respective social circles. Though it is true that it is more likely that you marry for status in high context cultures of Asia.
Re: love vs status
I dont know that I'd be all too comfortable (personally) after meeting for an hour with a potential lifetime mate....I mean you're right - companies interview for an hour give or take and decide whether or not its a good match...but then there's the 6=month "probationary" period during which any offense whatsoever can cost you the job and send you packing within minutes. Marriage is quite another thing, a thing that is to last a lifetime. Is an hour enough? For some, I'm sure its worked out delightfully. For others not.
Even so, marriage is a complex undertaking and even those who enter into it after knowing the partner very well and for a long period of time have experienced failed marriage.
Personally, I went for the love marriage. Now that I have my boyz, I lean toward arranged lol, I want to have at least a LITTLE say in their choice of a mate. Funny how perspectives change.
Re: love vs status
mama is right, in most employment situations if it does not work out the company lets teh guy go and while they lose some investment into the resource and time and effort of recruiting, the company moves on.
marriage is a very different scenario, and the more one gets to know the potential mate the better. It will never be 100% certain, people change, perspectives change, situations change. (although one can say that if you have picked teh right person all those changes will still mean that the person basically is the same person they were)
In any choice you make, would you not want to investigate as much as possible? and this decision is a very critical decision in life.
Re: love vs status
It had previously been suggested that in arranged marriages contact is limited before marriage between the potential partners and perhaps even the families. Therefore it is difficult to assess the personality of the potential partner and compatibility between them. That was suggested as a reason why greater emphasis may be placed on materialism in pakistani marriages.
I stated in my previous post that even in a short interaction you can get a pretty good idea of the other person. Therefore I feel that personality and compatibility should play a greater role in the decision-making process as opposed to materialism. Obviously the longer that you have to interact with the other person the better, but that may not be a luxury in arranged marraiages. Say even in an hour you can make a fairly accurate assessment of the personality and compatibility providing that you use that timely wisely and in a business like manner, rather than just stare at walls or the floor or even to make polite conversation (not that one shouldn't make polite conversation or there is anything wrong with it but it should be limited to say the first 5 minutes).
Typically the questions asked are, what is your education? what is your job? how much do you earn? do you own your own house? These questions suggest an emphasis on status and materialism. A different set of questions would indicate an emphasis on personality and compatibility. If both sets of questions are asked then say someone does well on personality and compatibility but not so well on status aspect. I suspect that most Pakistani families would put more emphasis on the later. In western culture more emphasis would be placed on the former.
Re: love vs status
money (status) cannot become husband or wife. willingness and drive to improve one's socio-economic status is a good thing, especially when a young couple will mean it, to grow in this aspect of life together.
education and personal integrity however can be the first and foremost qualities which ought not to be ignored because of someone having money.