okay for sometime i have been very very very confused about this. and everytime i try to argue this point or ask them about this subject we all end up being confused and everyone has a very different answer for it.
I mean to say if two people like eachother and have known eachother for a while, why do desi parents make such a fuss about it? Why do they become so stubborn and don’t care how much pain the son/daughter goes through. Do they do this on purpose or what? because they want what’s good for their kids right, they want to see them happy? then why not listen to whom they wana spend their life with instead of forcing them to marry a certain individual.
I have witnessed the same exact thing with my cousin, he’s been with his girl for good 3-4 years and everyone at his house knew it. But his mom hated the girl just because he talked to her and she ended up getting him married to his cousin and now he’s just not happy and is not treating the wife and i think he still talks to his gf.
But I mean why do parents try to control our lifestyle and how we live n who we choose to live. I understand parents play a great amount of role in this but I think they shouldn’t force us to get married to someone, yes they have seen life more than us and they do know more than us but shouldn’t we have the right to make some of our own decisions especially in marriage?
Why is it so hard for them to understand this? It’s just so sad to see some parents still go by the old rules like marrying in your own zaat or your own family, etc. etc. I think that’s just bullcrap, they need to give their kids a chance, let them make mistakes n learn from it and experience the life that Allah(swt) has given em instead of treating them like lil kids and doing all this.
You have to give a little to get a little. Normally such problems occur when both the parties are stubborn. When kids display their stubborness, parents will usually use their veto power. Flexibility is required from both sides. Kids cannot expect parents to accept anyone they choose, just like that. They have to listen to their parents objections, because some of them may be valid. If you give a good ear to your parents, they too will respond in kind.
I realize there are cases where kids show flexibility, but parents still want it their way, and vice-versa, but most of such issues can be resolved by an open minded discussion, where noone puts their foot down.
Aslam O Alaikum XXChorniXX.
That's confuse me 2 that why some parents make
a big deal if they're son/daughter have found they're
own lifepartner. Im married but im very worried about
what will happen if ive kids.
Coz im free minded i never won't force my child to marry someone
they dont love. But i dont know how my husband think about that.
And the rest of the family that's also a part they also will
involve with that.
And im agree with u that a child have the right to find they're own
life partner.
Lekin kya karain koi koi ma baap woh haq deti nahi hai :(
personally my parents and even my grandparents or uncles and aunts were never the type to impose their wishes, so i've never experienced these restrictions...but one thing i dont get is...if the kids from such families know that their parents are so strict abt this issue, then why not confide in their parents when their whole affair is starting, i mean why take such an impractical step that's going to end in an ugly situation? why do they come to the point of no return and then ask their parents?
also Chorni there are times when the whole world can see one thing but youth and emotions blind us and we can't distinguish black from white. this happenned to two girls i knew. they chose guys whom the whole world could see were not right for them. they are both mashallah happily married to different people now. love, emotions, all this stuff, its just filmi illusions. there's more to life than this. tomorrow if a girl goes and says i want to marry a drug dealer coz i "love" him, her parents cant let her do that can they? they want her to have a decent life and she owes it to them to listen to her coz they've made her what she is.
banday ko kabhee bhee apnay jazbaat mein itna naheen beh jana chahiyay ke us ko sach jhoot, achay buray ka farak bhool jayay.
Many parents think that their children do not have the capability to make sound decisions.
I know so many individuals who chose good partners for themselves, yet the parents found problems. Parents have too many and too high expectations.
Anyway, most cases I know are a total mess. Only because the parents are being stubborn and want things done their way.
And whatsup with the kids and listening to what the parents have to say? Especially when they are already in a relationship. You either don't commit yourself at all or if you do then make sure you fulfill it.
well all i can say is that our parents don think we can take decisions and they try to protect us but sometimes it gets annoying as in ma bhai`s marriage we had so many melodramas in my house that its not even funny.
ITS funny how parents try to find all sorts of khaamiyaan in our choice when it was ma bros marriage as we are from karachi and ma bhaabi is from faisalabad all ma parents could say was key larkee panjaaban hai and blaahh then they came up wid da excuse key larke AMERICA mein palee baree hai pata nahi uss sey tumhaaree nibhegee bhi key nahi and blahh but in the end ma bro stood up and mashaAllah they are happily married and have a cute lil son as in ma case i know its gonna be a night mare i just hope everything goes fine
I won't get into the issues but I would say two things.
My parents understood me and so did her's. Shukar hai Allah ka.
When a love marriage goes bad, parents say "Dekha, humney kaha tha na! Tumhari bhalaayi k liye hi kaha tha lekin tumney hamey apna dushman samjha"...................and when an arranged marriage goes bad, then the excuse is "Jo Allah ki marzi, jo qismat mein likha hota hai, woh tou ho kar hi rahta hai"
Where does the qismat go when a love marriage fails? And the kids can also say "Dekha, humney bhi kaha tha na" when an arranged marriage fails.
how you meet is not important !? Nor will it determine if your marriage is successful or not..
However controlling parents who give you no choice to do anything of your own free will and use emotional blackmail and typical desi stupidity to enforce their own ideas of how you need to live your life is just totally screwed up!!! That's not an act of love though they may truely think it is.
Financial independence is the only way you're gonna be allowed to live your life how you choose.
Nobody can force you to marry anyone!?
Especially if you're a guy and have a job!? Sorry but if you still let your parents tell you what to do even then.. then you are plain stupid!
Parents criticising your every decision cause it's not what they want seems to be a very common desi illness... either do whatever they say and learn to live with it... or grow a spine and take responsibilty for your own life!
Oh yeah, parents forcing you to marry the person of their choice whether you like them or not is a desi stupidity. In Islam, the parents are supposed to ask the guy and the girl (both) if they like the person who they are going to get married with. They are supposed to give the guy and the girl a chance to see each other before the wedding.
So your parents may not allow you to marry the person of your choice, at the same time they can't force you to marry the person of their choice because you have the right to refuse according to Islam, in other words they can't force you. A lot of guys and girls still marry against their own will and according to their parent's choice, that's because they respect them a littlt too much. I am not saying you shouldn't respect your parents, but here, poori zindagi ka sawal hai and Islam has allowed us to refuse. On the day of wedding, the imam asks the guy and the girl the same question "Do you take flaan flaan son/daughter of flaan flaan as your husband/wife?" and you don't have to just say "Yes I do". You can say "No I don't" and there is no way they can marry you with that person islamically.
Financial independence is the only way you're gonna be allowed to live your life how you choose.
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u also have to be a man and stand up for ur relationship
I respect people who care about their parents but i pity the losers who ruin their n other ppls lives
It’s just so sad to see some parents still go by the old rules like marrying in your own zaat or your own family, etc. etc. I think that’s just bullcrap, they need to give their kids a chance, let them make mistakes n learn from it and experience the life that Allah(swt) has given em instead of treating them like lil kids and doing all this.
i just hope everything goes fine
I’m of the same opinion as well …