Hi everyone!
I’ve a friend who loves a girl,and he wanna marry her,but,the problem is that,his mom isn’t willing because she doesn’t want him to do love marriage,because hers was a love marriage,and it turned out to be a bad experience for her,and it ended up in divorce.So she has no faith in these love marriages sort of things,and doesn’t want her son to go for love marriage.
They both usually have quarrel on this topic,and he tries to make her agree,but nothing really seems to make her change her mind.In such a situation,what should he be doing?And is his mom’s way of thinking is right?
What are your suggestions and thoughts?
Re: Love marriage
damm you ppl .. if you dont listen to ur parents .. what future do u ppl / some ppl have ..
they must be right .. cos they ve been through something before ... and end of the day they love you .. and want whats best for ya . so if you think ya parents are wrong .. then God help you ppl ..
:)
Re: Love marriage
And she isn’t willing to hear anything just because she got a bad experience with love marriage.But all love marriages don’t fail,isnt it? 
Only 50% fail. I say go for it.
Re: Love marriage
She shouldnt prevent the son from marrying this girl, simply based on the fact that it would be a love marriage and her's failed, so this will too. Arranged marriages can fail just as easily...or id think more chances since the 2 people wouldnt know anything about each other. Does she have any other reasons for not allowing this rishta a chance?
Re: Love marriage
If he has tried everything else this is my suggestion. He is a boy , she cannot force him to marry whoever she wants him to marry. He can go get married in court and then let her arrange a wedding ceremony with all the bells and whistles if he and his mother wants to do so after the fact.
Re: Love marriage
Is this her only reason? I would have the guy get to the bottom of this and figure out what her reasons for rejecting her are. If they are solid, think about them. But if this is it, then he needs to convince her.
Re: Love marriage
I've seen situations where boys have liked a certain girl and the parents have said 'no way' and the boys have basically married parents choice just to please them even tho there isn't an ounce of attraction or chemistry and then gone on with seeing their gfs behind their poor wife's (and parents) back. Imo some parents can be quite naive in that they think that kids that have grown up in the West and have had a completely different upbringing are basically the same and think the same way they do, that even if they aren't happy with a potential match they should marry and just get on with it to keep people happy and hopefully fall in love as time goes on and if they don't well that's just life. A lot of us born and raised in the West just aren't conditioned to that of thinking and it can lead to a lot of bitterness and resentment towards parents in the long run.
Imo best thing for ur friend to do would be wait till Mum comes round, could take months, could take more than a year but if he really loves the girl would be be worth it and altho the parents don't always come round as time ticks by most desi parents will back down. If he talks a lot about her they should realise it's a serious thing and not a matter they can just forget about or just brush under the carpet and pretend it's not there. If it was a girl u were talking about I would say tell her to 'dig her heels in.' I think it's quite sad that 'love' is almost like a dirty word in some communities and seen as a negative.
And in response to fbi786 parents don't **always **know best, that's a very dangerous view to have. Look how many desi parents will turn a potential son/daughter in law down purely on what job they do or don't do, they don't come from the same part as 'back home' as them, girl/boy isn't fair skinned enough or not attractive in their eyes, not the right 'caste' or ethnicity and other rubbish oh and of course those dodgy ones from back home who just have ££ signs in their eyes and will basically give their daughter/son to anyone with a British or US passport.
damm you ppl .. if you dont listen to ur parents .. what future do u ppl / some ppl have ..
they must be right .. cos they ve been through something before ... and end of the day they love you .. and want whats best for ya . so if you think ya parents are wrong .. then God help you ppl ..
:)
Totally agree.
Mohabbat aik aisha nasha hai jo logon ko andha kar deta hai.
Re: Love marriage
Yeah agree with that to try to convince her and ask reason why rejecting her.
One of my relative ask her mom she wasn't agreeing for love marriage at no one ever done that in his family. After involving her sister her mother agreed to let him marry that girl.
What we found out now that she made her daughter like her. Now no one wants to marry that nasty girl.
A nasty girl go behind men keep looking and sleep with different ppl and after long searching and men after using her dump her who are chalak and then one day she find a fool who marry her.
Now that bad lady always make her kids bad like her they do the same thing. Kapeesh ppl who are not like that don't marry those type of girls.
Aik buri aurat apnay buchchon ki buri tarbiaat karti hai aur aik achchi aurtat achchi aur aik naik parhaiz gaar aurat apnay buchchon ko naik parhaizgar bananay ki koshish karti hai.
Yayhi wajah hai kay parents aisi larkion say shadi karnay ko naheen tayyar hotay poori family ki izzat dau pay lug jaati hai. JO hum buchchay naheen samajh saktay.
Ussay agar aap ki walida samajhti kay achchi larki hai to inkaar naheen karteen. Zaroori naheen kay wo apni flop merriage ki wajah say mana kar rahi hon. Wo larki ki kisi baat ko notice kar kay mana kar raheen hoon.
Parents aur specialy maan jub kisi baat ko mana karay to us ki sunna chahyay kay us say ziada khair khuwaah aap ka koi naheen ho sakta.
LAIKIN
Pyar main insaan andha ho jata hai to ussay na kuch nazar ata hai aur na hi samajh.
I'll say ask your mom what is the reason behind this no. Sometimes parents can't tell you what is the reason behind this. You might not understand at that time or might be too big for your age to understand.
I've seen arranged marriages that have FAILED and I have seen ones that are SUCCESSFUL. Because divorce is such a social stigma in our culture, who knows how many arranged marriages there are where they couple puts on a happy face for the outside world and are miserable within the privacy of their own homes. Similarly, I've seen love marriages that have** FAILED** and I have seen ones that are SUCCESSFUL.
It's not practical to generalize like that. It's not the TYPE of marriage that makes it work. It's the COMPATIBILITY of the couple and their EFFORTS to make the marriage work that determines its success.
The guy in question needs to ask his mom what her real reasons are rejecting this girl before getting to know her. He needs to ask mommy, "Did your marriage fail because it was a love marriage, or because their was a lack of compatibility or other issues?" It takes more than just the word "love" or "arranged" to make a marriage fail or succeed. The words themselves don't have that much power, in my opinion. People in love marriages have to work hard to make their marriage work just as those couples who had an arranged marriage.
If the mom is making this generalization, I think the guy should provide her with some CONCRETE EXAMPLES of love marriages in his family/community that are a SUCCESS. Similarly he should point out to his mom examples of ARRANGED MARRIAGES that have FAILED. Then he should ask his mom "So, mom, do you think that I should marry a girl for YOUR SAKE and be stuck in a marriage where I feel nothing for the girl. And that way all three of our lives will be ruined. But I'll just put on a happy face and live a life of lies. Would that suit you better?"
The guy should reassure the mom that she has raised him well and after marriage he will continue fulfilling his duties of being a good son as well as a good husband. He should reassure mom that he loves her and is not going to "leave her" for this girl, so there is no need to be "insecure" if that is the root of mom's problem. He should have the mom and his girl meet for lunch maybe, so they can get to know each other. He should explain to his mom why he thinks she will not only make a good wife but also a great daughter-in-law. And when the mom and the girl meet, the girl should make a sincere effort to bond with the mom and make her feel comfortable.
And if all this doesn't work, and he's still serious about the girl, then he simply needs to keep persisting until mom can clearly see that he won't accept any other option....and that there's no choice for her but to let her son make his own decisions about who he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
I've seen love marriages where initially the mother HATED the girl, and then after marriage the mom grows to accept and even like the girl.....provided they make the effort to bond.
Re: Love marriage
I had a love marriage. Turned out so beautiful.
Keep trying to convince Mom patiently.
Re: Love marriage
I think that depends how he tries to convince her.If he does it patiently,and lovingly,his mom will definitely agree.