^ R u serious? i honestly thought you were joking.
back to the topic; can one not have a love and an arranged marriage? as in love comes first and then you leave the rest up to parents. or vice versa you get married and then comes love. According to some psychologist (i cant remember who), studied love vs arranged married couples for a decade.
The result of study was interesting in that, intially, the LM couples rated ‘love’ quite high as an imp. factor in marraige, whereas the AM couples rated ‘love’ very low. However, towards the end of the decade, the AM couples rated love very high as an imp. factor in thier marraige, whereas the LM rated it much lower. An interesting perspective no?
“Nobody really knows what love is until they’ve been married a quarter of a century.” (Mark Twain)
love or arranged,
love one is the best only, if you stay happy together after marriage too. but life after love is not always same as both have thought to be. so if the people are not naturaly compatible this will not work out.
arranged has the same problem, it can work if both are compatible enough. but because there is support from both sides , if there is little problem (not a major one) both parents side will tie them together and they have a chance of saving a relationship which may not have been possible if it was love one and they both have to deal with it. and slight misunderstanding can still break it.
any marriage love or arranged, at the end of the day demand compromises. if both are willing and have some common grounds, it can work out well.
care, sincerity and honesty is the key :) that may lead to love later and good life.
before you ask me, i m not married four times i would never do that. this is based on my observation and mind product.
The best thing to do is to live together for a few months or yrs before getting married. TRUST ME. My second marriage failed (arrange) within a yr, the girl refused to put up with me, but she was a total rotton spoiled brat, mummy this mummy that, I am going to tell mummy, mummy, muumy, to the point that I told her to tell the mummy to come marry me and we can all live happily ever after, she actually went and told her mummy and I had had it so I bought her a one way tix to UK and good riddance. My first one (love) was from China what a nice girl, but my family refused to deal with her and her family. So it just had to end (lasted 4 yrs). The third one was love again and I still love her dearly, she is a woman of every mans dream (I mean I have joked around and called her dits and all on this forum, but she is highly intelligent and a loving caring person). My fourth one and I kid you not was done with a gun pointing to my head by her chachas (she is the wife in the village back home). My wife here understands that but it is tough on her being an outsider to our culture. My third wife we lived together for two yrs before tying the knot.
I think it has to do with the way you think of marriage, either arranged or love. If you go in either one of them with committment, they both can work. But both of you have to have the same goals and philosophy for either to work. One of the things my husband and I agreed on before we married is that divorce is not an option and we had to be willing to comprimise and work on issues, as in any relationship.
I can't say anything about arranged marrages, but I know some that work and some that don't. But that is the same as with love marriages.
Married twice, both love marriages, both with Pakistani and Muslim men (I am Irish-American and Catholic).
First - Pakistani and wonderful, had cancer, passed away. I had two children with this man.
Second - Pakistani and everything you could want in a husband. Going on close to ummmm five years... (he always remembers dates better than I, we met in 1999, married 2000) My children are 17 and 15 now and consider him their father.
I don’t agree that that’s always the case with ‘passion’. A love at first sight can be a spark that grows to a flame and stays burning through the whole marriage. My marriage for instance…over 5 years ago was semi-arranged. We were introduced through family, his aunt. His family came over for dinner and we didnt’ see each other until after dinner was done and chai was served. I was too shy to enter the room and since my parents hadn’t asked me to come sit down, I just ‘helped’ in the kitchen. My husband and I later agreed that the first meeting was it. We had both made up our minds then and there, that it was meant to be. I was lucky though that my parents were very easy-going, no pressure. They just asked if I thought he was nice and encouraged me stay in touch with him.
The problem with strictly arranged marriages is that one major factor is neglected, personality issues. You can both be from the same cultural, economic, racial, class level etc, but if you don’t see eye to eye it won’t work. It’s culturally a woman’s responsibility to make sacrifices, to ‘shut-up’ and just keep everyone else happy except for herself. If she is married to a man she can neither love, respect or agree with then that’s no life. I’m not saying women are perfect either. How many men have married a ‘simple girl from back home’ and once she adjusts to the West, she gets out of control. Anything is possible. So there are pros and cons in both arranged and love marriages. But I think it comes down to personalities and God’s Blessings.
That’s pretty much the definition of arranged marriage in most Pakistani families. Now if by arranged marriaged you mean, “Kareemo, marry your son to my daughter and I will give you a tractor and two goats” then that’s another thing.
If Love merriage goes wrong everyone will blame you for it but If Arrange marriage goes wrong you can blame others (the one who arranged that marriaged).
Sorry FG I couldn't resist and have to respond to two responses so I am coming out of self exile from Life 1.
Leo101: Using your logic If I am failure in life then I should plainly put the blame on my parents for having sex and conceiving me.
People need to take responsibility for their actions. If you are in arrange marriage it is your responsibility to make it work. BTW do you blame TV and video games when you fail your home economic class?
Nilu: Allah created Quraan to warn people like you about people like me. He even dedicated a chapter on hell fire and fuel. Well the feul is me. I hope that explains why living together was OK by me.
