so I am in love with this girl since last 5 years… she is my ex-class fellow, i did not make her my friend, she was my love from the day first and i thought i would make her my life partner and when the right time has came to do so, my ami and elder sis start making lame excuses like abhi tmhara umar he kia hai, she is 2 months older than u n stuff.
I am not in any kind of hurry of marrying her, just want an official engagement coz there are random rishtaas pending or in process and i am afraid may be i am gonna loose her.
We have seen worst sort of financial crisis where i was finding it difficult to even get my matriculation completed, i was the first to person in my family to take initiative of start doing part time job to financially support my family and continue my education, i sacrifice for them, take a large part in completing home construction n and stuff. after all this they are not completing my one and only wish.
after getting pissed off i am thinking to leave my home but she plainly says she would not come along with me until or unless my parents happily shows a green signal and would visit formally her home for rishta.
Same situation is with my Relative these days, the family of the guy she likes and is emotionally involved with is not agreeing. Her family has found very good proposals for her but she is not agreeing to consider them. I am also looking forward to people's responses and comments.
Talk to you mother about it seriously . Let her know how serious you are about the whole situation. In a respectful manner explain why you think her reasons are not valid and that you will really like to marry this girl. Don't go behind your parents back, talk things out logically. Like maybe when they say you're too young you can reinforce the point that Islam encourages early marriages ... Remain humble, after all they are your parents. I am sure they want the best for you in life, let them know how much this means to you. When everyone begins to realize how serious you really are maybe they'll agree.
Um, I don't know why you're allowing them to control this aspect of your life.
You are obligated to care for your family, parents, siblings, etc. You're doing that very well Mashallah. Your marriage is NOT a part of your duty towards your parents. These are two separate things. You have the right to live a happy life and marry who you want. If you went against their wishes in this situation...you won't be guilty of mistreating your parents.
Um, I don't know why you're allowing them to control this aspect of your life.
You are obligated to care for your family, parents, siblings, etc. You're doing that very well Mashallah. Your marriage is NOT a part of your duty towards your parents. These are two separate things. You have the right to live a happy life and marry who you want. If you went against their wishes in this situation...you won't be guilty of mistreating your parents.
Please try not to fall into that age old trap.
While I agree with the sentiment there, and he should marry someone he likes as it will be his life, there are other things to think about as well. If his parents are really against it and it is going to be a joint family system, that would probably make things tough for his potential wife.
I don't think she would be too keen on entering a household where she was not welcome, and thus that is why she wants his parents to agree and then come to her house for an official proposal.
Unfortunately what is right or what makes someone happy does not always mesh well with reality.
I have talked with my parents with utmost seriousness hundreds of time, i even said tell me some solid reason and i would not insist next time but all they say is she is 2 months older, she would look much older after some year of marriage etc
I would try to convince them at any cost. and yep she is afraid that may be after our marriage your family wouldn't treat me nicely but i am here to support her. Her ami have no issue, i am yet to know about her father decision though.
Actually she is more than good at every thing, like ikhlaaq, respect for others, like doing home chores, a typical mushriqi and islamic girl, even she knows stitching and stitch her own clothes which looks very cute to me and i am mad for her.
I don't think she would be too keen on entering a household where she was not welcome, and thus that is why she wants his parents to agree and then come to her house for an official proposal.
^ This. The girl is smart enough to realize that the drama she will face if she chooses to marry a guy his family doesn't want her. It makes sense for her to not enter into a situation knowing that there will be arguments, passive-aggressiveness and other negative emotions/behaviors involved. And this will only get worse when kids come into the picture.
Yes, but the issue is...she's still being rejected by your family. Your support needs to be more than just telling her this. It should be apparent to her. If she doesn't feel confident...that means you're not being strong enough.
I get it that everyone needs to be happy with the decision.
But lets face itttttt..........................even in an arranged marraige...no one is happy. Even if mom chose the wife, it wouldn't matter as soon as she signed the papers. These are desi people and the reasons for rejection I am seeing are superficial which lead me to believe that in any scenario...the OP's family will be the typical desi susraal. (sorry hitman) If their complaints were valid (she's battameez, bad reputation, rude, etc etc etc) I would get it. But being 2 months older is not a valid reason to reject your son's choice. Its just a reason to make him quiet while they frantically look around for someone else they like better.
Put your foot down and tell your family that you want to marry her and only her, and you want to do it now. Otherwise you may find one day that your love is getting married with someone else.
Are sure you can support her after marriage? Because in the past few threads, your parents doubts and fears (over trivial matters) had rubbed off on you and you started having doubts of your own as well.
Is there any elder in your family (grandparent, uncle, aunt) that has influence over your parents and can reason with them? You're still waiting for the girl's parents to approve and if they don't, then things will be tougher. Hope you don't have that obstacle to contend with.