Lost

[Alone00]

Re: Lost

@LP

As aqua suggested, talk to your local imam. He might be of help. Try to look for someone who has lost her parents too and is going through the same problem you are while searching for spouse.

I will inshAllah

[gudiaali]

Re: Lost

OP, its simply WOW that you have achieved so much on your own. That’s remarkable and something you should feel confident about.
As others suggested, you need to come out of depression, you are depressed for being alone and for being rejected. Just remind yourself that you are not alone in this boat. There are so many girls and guys having families, good education, money and houses who are looking for marriage partners and gets rejected on one account or the other and things just don’t get materialized for too long. so don’t get depressed over the rejection thing and don’t get this in to your mind that if you have no family or high social status you wont find a good partner. keep a positive frame of mind and get yourself busy in the social work. You are a doc and there are so many ways you can help needy people around and believe me the Duas of those people goes a long way.
Also, keep on searching for the partner. spread the word in your workplace, neighborhood to refer you someone with similar situation as yours. also, there are orphanage houses in Pakistan that you can contact and see if you find someone with no parents or someone abandoned by the parents and chances are that they will understand your situation.
Also, its not that upper class and upper middle class are not accepting you because you don’t own big house or big income but its because girls parents are scared of the rishtas where they don’t know the guy and he has no family/references from whom they can cross check the guy’s credentials.
i would also suggest you that if you have any relatives like your father’s cousins or your mother’s cousins you must talk to them for their support in rishta hunt.
i sincerely pray that Allah make it easy for you. Just stay strong and have a firm belief.

[Alone00]

Re: Lost

@decentGuy

I have couple of friends who are facing similar problems in getting married due to no parents or parents being old/sick/uncooperative. As you mentioned, you also keep moving from city to city, so I’m guessing that would leave you without a permanent social circle so a girl’s family has only your word to know about you. It’s just too much risk from a girl’s family’s perspective. Have some references ready all the time just as you would during a job search.

My single friends have mostly been ostracized by their married friends. The situation gets frustrating and depressing indeed. Those guys want to see/talk to a girl before investing any more time dealing with the families but families want it backwards and especially with guys who have family issues. You are lucky that you are in medical field which predominantly has lots of women, and live in Pakistan - the land of beautiful girls. I’m sure you’ll find someone right for you iA. Just don’t be creepy.

As far as rejection is concerned, you must remind yourself that it’s their right and they don’t need an NOC about the validity of their reasoning. You should be more worried about vetting those who accept you. Like you, I also needed a companion as I was so lonely living far from my family/friends in a foreign country when I started to think about getting married. Shortly after marriage I was lonelier than ever before as I realized I married the wrong person who is just into playing mind games all the time. Be patient, improve yourself as others have suggested and guard your imaan.​

Thank you this will be very helpfull !!

[Reha]

Re: Lost

@Alone00

Yes it is depressing , my friends unfortunately I dnt have die hard friends , in medical school everybody was from rich families they had their own things going on , I changed places while for study and work so dnt have type of friends you are talking about , I know rejection is part of life I know that but my problem is not depression or rejection but reasons of it ! I am not responsible for those things but I get the consequences …

I understand.

Here’s my honest take on your scenario: No one can pour from an empty cup. You cannot add another human being in your life when you’re not happy with yourself. You need to work on your depression, find your purpose, get done with school, build yourself and then get married. Successful people do not let their past dictate their future.

[NavAhmed]

Re: Lost

You are a Doctor? I presume you graduated from Nishtar and still young and junior?

Why not focus on specialization? or look at other countries. You can go for PLAB, USMLE, AMC or even DOH exam from UAE. I just can’t understand how people are rejecting you right, left and center???

Go and make your life on your own terms.

[NavAhmed]

Re: Lost

And yes, do you get your depression sorted, but medicines, counselling, CBT all are their to help you, they will not change your life and make your past disappear or change your present to a pleasant one, the only person who can do that is you, yourself.

Feel free to message me in private if you would like to talk about it.

[Alone00]

Re: Lost

@NavAhmed

And yes, do you get your depression sorted, but medicines, counselling, CBT all are their to help you, they will not change your life and make your past disappear or change your present to a pleasant one, the only person who can do that is you, yourself.

Feel free to message me in private if you would like to talk about it.

I am taking treatment , I am junior doctor but I dnt plan to go further yet I will determine my future in forensics but after sone years of practice as an MO , I appreciate your offer and help inshAllah I will stay in touch with you , inshAllah I will take over this challenge too