Ok… So, I was a bit hesitant to post this thread as I wasn’t sure if it was right to write my personal things on here, also I don’t want people bad mouthing my husband but iv decided I’m going to ask for some advice on here as I don’t have anyone “real” to talk to about this as all my friends are just blond air brains and not much good at advice giving… So here it is… I’m fed up oft husbands negative behaviour and it’s letting me down, I’m already going through a rough patch in my life (iv lost my family and am now in a rocky patch with my employer) but iv got my chin up high and am marching on… I have recently came up with a business plan and I am planning on making my idea become reality, I told my husband about my idea and plans and his response was rather negative and deflated, he told me I was made and living in a fairy tale and that I should be happy with what I have got and that we have enough and if anything happens he is there to provide… I felt like his manly ego was hurt and that he thought I was trying to over take him an b the “bread winner” I felt like he was threatened that I might become something…(I’m not trying to overtake him, I just want better for us, we live in a privet rent flat that I’m not happy with and he does on off unstable hours … One week he had work the other none) I just want to be some one, prove myself .., nothing bad in that right? But why every time I talk about this bussines topic and I feel my self getting excited while I talk about do I see a jelouse angry look on my husbands face? When I confronted him about it he told me I’m mad and going Lala and that I should stop dreaming and take action and once my plans have started only then will he believe me/help me… Also iv noticed that when ever I do something after asking his advice (which is not much advice e gives) or when ever I include him in my plans and it goes right he try’s to take all the credit… Like for example I asked for some advice on setting up my web page, he recommend a web designer, now his taking all the credit saying I can’t do nothing without him… I want to use some of my saving to start of my business but now his suddenly got the idea of opening up a stupid shop and wants to use the saving to!!! I’m getting fed up to the point where I feel like not telling him anything and just doing everything only own…but then I feel lonely and lost like there’s no one there to share my excitement and happiness and emotions while starting up something new… I feel like I want him to be a part if my journey but his trying to pull me back down… I was hoping to start this business send of this year beginning of January but because of all his negative comments and tutting and "r"ing iv fallen behind and feel deflated… Should I just stop telling him and just go it alone?
It's seems to me that ego clash is happenibg at both sides. The two sweetest thing I read in your post are where you said that you don't like anyone to badmouthing him, and where he said that I will take care of everything. That just shows that at some level, both of you care about each other.
Now about which business to start, and who should get the credit part. I suggest that work towards the betterment of your family unit. You both need to bring your egos down. Who cares who gets the credit or which business idea to implement. If it adds value in the life of both of you, go for it.
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
have you tried asking him to find out exactly why he is so against your business idea? you haven't mentioned anything of the sort in your post, so if that converation hasn't happened yet, it might actually help you because then you will have an explanation to his behavior
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
ego and healthy self-esteem have a very fine line.
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
have you tried asking him to find out exactly why he is so against your business idea? you haven't mentioned anything of the sort in your post, so if that converation hasn't happened yet, it might actually help you because then you will have an explanation to his behavior
I asked him but he says his not against it, his just fed up of me getting excited and talking about it.... He keeps saying his not against it but his actions show me his not for it either! Every time I mention anything about the idea he just turns off or says something snide.... It's getting me down.... I feel like his forcing me to not talk to him about it... I like telling him stuff, my feelings and ideas but his blocking it out :/
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
Maybe he's scared to try something new or worried you'll be disappointed or he finds it obnoxious to hear about only one topic all the time. I know you're excited and he's basically the only person you're confiding in but you may not realise it's taking over your whole life and consequently his. There's a reason people like to keep home and work life separate.
It would be better if you keep all your brain doodles in a blog or personal diary. Just let all your excitement and ideas flow into the written word and filter out all the ideas and only inform him about concrete steps you've taken.
And since you're doing it for the betterment of both of you I would dial down the ego. He might be feeling as nonsubstantial as you're feeling so it would be in your benefit for him to feel proud too.
Re: Lost… Need a little guidance please
did you run your business plan with some 3rd person, I do not mean to disappoint you but ho sakta hai k plan waqi viable na ho?
Sometimes, people just do not have in them to correctly convey their message. May be the plan is actually not viable but he is unable to convey that properly to you and since the plan is your baby, you get irradiated and it all is just snowballing?
I am just throwing it out while enjoying my tea…
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
Hmmm
OP, if he's consistently scoffed at your ideas, stop telling him about it. You say that you won't have anyone to "share" your plans with....errr.....you can't call it "sharing" cuz it's not. He does not "share" your views or enthusiasm about your business venture. So, what you have is called "informing" ...and I think you should stop telling him about it.
Decent6chora has made a good point. Why not run your idea by some people who have relevant experience/knowledge. Try to get several opinions. It can help you fine-tune your plans and break them down into more attainable steps. And if the people you speak to think it's a viable idea, start taking some concrete actions then.
Tell your husband that you have set aside an amount of money that will be strictly used for this venture (after determining if it's viable) and that you will not be using it for any other purposes and stick to your guns. That lets him know that there's a limit he can't cross with you in terms of financial help for his own goals. He's understand (hopefully) that you'll help him, but that you're saving the money for other things. So, it sets a boundary and that can be done gently; need not be rough. And if he's telling you to put your ideas into action...he's not wrong about that though his tone is not nice. After all, you also want to put your ideas into action, no?
See, if you can get help (web designers etc etc) from other sources as opposed to depending on your husband. Do you encourage him in pursuing his own goals? If not, then start doing so...it might make him more encouraging of you. If it doesn't, then you have more grounds for calling him out on this mean tendency of his. It makes you more credible if you practice the behavior that you would like to see from your spouse. If even despite encouraging him, he continues to be dismissive of you....then I think you need to call him out on it. Address his behavior with him and explain how it's hurtful and that it's contrary to the support you show him....and that while help is appreciated and that you have no problems giving him credit for his support....it's not fair for him to take all credit if the bulk of the work is done by you. Emphasize that we're a team, not contestants in a competition and that if we can't help in tangible ways that we should at least offer each other verbal and emotional support. But....start exploring your ambition on your own (with greater independence) but give time to your marriage as well.
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
My guess is that most probably you're over excited about your idea and sharing that excitement with your hubby instead of making a practical plan to work on it. That most probably is why your husband is not taking you seriously and thinks you should come back on the ground or that your idea is impractical. And that is why your husband is now thinking of starting a "stupid shop" because as per him, atleast that shop idea is more practical than a mere 'dream' and can be safely implemented without any or least risk involved. And your idea, he probably fears is a risk which may make you lose the savings you have made.
What you should actually be doing is make all the arrangement of implementing your own idea. Once your husband knows you are capable of implementing your idea is only when he would take you seriously. You remind me of my teenage years when I used to have 101 ideas about so many different things and used to be equally excited about each idea and used to discuss with my brothers or cousins who then would make fun of me & tease me because they were just ideas with no practical layout to implement them.
So thoroughly think through your idea & its practical implementation before discussing it with anyone. Make a business plan, focus on all the small details. Then take the basic steps to implement it. Then discuss with him.
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
My guess is that he might be looking out for you, maybe thinking that you feel under accommodated since you are thinking of starting a business. He might also be worried about the finances and time conflicts that all entrepreneurs go through. Besides that re-read @redvelvet post
Re: Lost..... Need a little guidance please
maybe your husband just has a very different personality? often when people tell me about any new ideas i don't always react with the same enthusiasm. But it's more because I'm a very cynical and realistic person, and require a lot of information and evidence to really believe in something. I certainly don't mean to be discouraging but I just have a different opinion of what it would take to actually be successful in such a venture.