you are loosing control of your teenage child.
He is hanging out with non desi people and he himself is turning into one.
He is loosing respect to elders, and is forgetting his religion.
You will tell him to stop, and he will start to lie to your face.
Maybe a girl is involved.
What should be done?
Re: loosing control
Story of many parents raising teenage kids.
This didn't happen over night - there is nothing wrong with hanging out with non desi friends but you need to make sure that you are aware of the activites he is up to WITH ALL his friends.
Open the lines of communication so you understand what he needs right now.
It is tough road to introduce religion, culture, respect at THIS AGE. Those things need to be intiated very early in life.
You won't know if a girl is involved unless you ASK him or desi style investigating
:halo: It’s not a sin! Please stop treating it that way :halo: It should not matter if they are non-desi. What really matters is that those friends (regardless where they are from) are good people and WANT TO BE A GOOD CITIZEN.
Re: loosing control
talk 2 ur partner. decide on some rules. also decide on consequences for not following them.giv the rule sheet to teen. if constant disobeying start takng prvileges n control meeting with friends. Another option finding abt all fiends n contacting heir families on regular basis.
Re: loosing control
You take 'em to Pakistan and give them beating of a lifetime.
If they are really messed up, you know drugs, etc.
ultaa latkaa ke hari-bhari mirchon ka dhuwaan sungwaao, seedha teer ho jai ga - sari marijuana bahir aaah jai ghi
What is the problem with hanging out with non desi people?
And with being involved with a non desi girl?
Do you realise that you discriminate yourself?
This is silly, indeed.
Re: loosing control
Losing respect for elders, losing religion, lying. Those are the real issues. And it's all too typical of teenagers. It doesn't mean he'll be that way forever. He may very well grow and realize his mistakes and make full circle back to religion and respect. But sometimes teens just grow into adults who don't want religion or their culture or their parents. The important thing is to not push him away. Be a support, tell him you love him. Tell him that you trust him and he can come to you with anything.
Re: loosing control
thanks for the advice all!
and spanishgirl i'm not saying that there is anything wrong with hangout with nondesi...but when they start influecing you to step away from your deen and Islam...ex) alcohol, clubs etc....then i have a problem with that! And what i was trying to say was yes i have a problem if the girl is non-muslim...i didn't mean non-desi...she could be white for all i care...or spanish...as long as she is MUSLIM!
Please pray for those young generations to be kept on the path of Islam and not go astray from it...Ameen!!!!
Re: loosing control
I dread the teenage years with 3 boys! Its a time when their hormones are raging and they feel that they're adults now. They do not want to be told what to do, how to do it or with whom. They're asserting their independence.
The best thing to do is avoid lectures and demands. This approach serves only to make them more defiant and rebellious. Talk things out, keep communications open and talk in a way that isnt condescending - let the teen come to his own conclusions about making the best choices. Guide him rather than tell him what to do. Ask him about his friends and their activities without being judgemental!! Talk things through calmly! And make mild suggestions rather than demands as far as what he does and with who. He will hear that much better.
Most teens will evolve away from religion for a while. If you dont force the issue, they will return on their own when they're ready.
As far as hanging out with non-desi I think the only issue would be that alcohol is not forbidden. But it IS forbidden (in USA anyway) until age 21. So if he and his friends are teens and drinking, they're breaking the law. Talk about this.
If he is dating a non-desi girl, so what? Teen romances typically burn themselves out. And if he does happen to marry a non-Muslim, that isnt the end of the world either. Muslims are allowed to marry "children of the book" which includes Christians and Jewish. I was raised christian and my husband and I are raising the boys Muslim. This has never been an issue in our family and we have had a very happy marriage for over 10 years.
Just guide him to the right path instead of dragging him down it with a leash and collar and he will find his way.
Re: loosing control
what if the girl is the lowest of the low (i don't want to use inappropratie words)...and she has somehow attached herself to him...and this being such a new feeling for him that he can't see right from wrong? And he's making all the wrong decisions because he's under her influnece? Do you just let it go?
Re: loosing control
gg, surely he's having himself a bit of fun. Not the kind of fun that a parent would approve of. But ask him "what kind of mom would this girl make if she happens to become pregnant?"...ask him "what kind of wife will this girl make if you persue this relationship?". Dont forbid him to see her but get him thinking about his future and the possible mistakes he could easily make for a few hours of romping fun that he gets with this gal. Get HIM to think about these things.
Re: loosing control
Thanks for the advice Mamaof3...it really helps!
And i'm just going to throw this out there...what if he doesn't care about his future and just wants to live in the moment...should i just let him be and see if he just needs to get this all out of his system?