long story short
I got engaged at age of 16 he was 20 then. when at age of 22 he was done with his graduation he came to pak from states n we had Nikkah, he went back same day of function.
in the start he was nice but after sometime he get distant, after 6months he got into med school for MD degree for first 2years v had no contact except 6emails I believe.
then after 4 years he came back to pak with his whole family in 2012 for my bro wedding. he was normal like not so lovey dovey but good. he get romantic with me when v were alone n infront of others teases me along with my Brothers n other cousin
he treats my bro n mom n dad realllllyyyy well so I thought things r fine if not superb
he fly back he was fine than after 4-5 months he said he is not sure he talked to his parents n bro they r saying give it a time its distance which is troubling u blah blah n that he want to Prolly call it off
but next day he apologized n said I’m nt good at distance etc etc
from then to now its been 1 n 1/2years n he is getting nicer n sweeter
n in last 6 months he start saying I love yous etc n he sent gift from his pocket money on my birthday
so my question is does he really like me now, or he is just trying to give it a try
cause back then he didn’t liked me much thats y he wanted to call off the relationship I believe when I ask him do u like me n y so he says cuz u r the most nicest person I met n I’m sorry for things I have done to u, n sometimes he says when he get tired from hectic board studies
’ can’t wait for u to come v ll start nice life follow Islam have beautiful kids travel world make parents happy
so u think he is nice to me because he likes me actually or because of family he compromised?
re: long distance husband/fiance
Why can't you get married sooner? Why can't you go to live with him - if he's still studying? I would probably get tired too after such a long distance relationship. Kind of unfair you guys are nikkahfied for so long but can't live together.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Why can't you get married sooner? Why can't you go to live with him - if he's still studying? I would probably get tired too after such a long distance relationship. Kind of unfair you guys are nikkahfied for so long but can't live together.
My visa application is almost in the end process, full marriage is expected (rukhsati) in September, October this year.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Why he have to be the one to convince you that he is in love? Why can't you tell him the same thing?
Stop blaming him for your own doubt.
re: long distance husband/fiance
My visa application is almost in the end process, full marriage is expected (rukhsati) in September, October this year.
Okay that's good. Personally, I wouldn't worry about the 'lapse' in attraction, if you like, which he showed. It seems like you guys have been married for years but not living together, so it must have been quite hard on both of you. As long as he is showing commitment now, that's the important thing. You should focus on preparing for the wedding and life afterwards. You're both happy as of now - so why ruin it by trying to overthink?
re: long distance husband/fiance
Why he have to be the one to convince you that he is in love? Why can't you tell him the same thing?
Stop blaming him for your own doubt.
im not putting him in situation to prove if he loves me and i do tell him i love him
Sometime i just get confused and thinks what if he still dont like me because i was sweet with him since start and we spend 3 months together prior nikkah even then he get distant and told me he was not happy what if he do it again
does it worth it i go all the way to US for him and he dumped me once again?
am i thinking too much?
i am posting it here as read some very sensible answers posted i want to know is it just me thinking too much or u can actually think i ll trouble myself and him by forgetting the past and focus on new him ??
re: long distance husband/fiance
im not putting him in situation to prove if he loves me and i do tell him i love him Sometime i just get confused and thinks what if he still dont like me because i was sweet with him since start and we spend 3 months together prior nikkah even then he get distant and told me he was not happy what if he do it again does it worth it i go all the way to US for him and he dumped me once again? am i thinking too much? i am posting it here as read some very sensible answers posted i want to know is it just me thinking too much or u can actually think i ll trouble myself and him by forgetting the past and focus on new him ??
You r best judge of ur circumstances, but for personal experience some guys r just not gud in a long distance relationship. I had the same situation with my husband we were apart after marriage for his visa process, even though he has a very understanding and loving nature. But distance he was not able to express him self well. So if your husband is making a effort appreciate it. Insallah everything will be ok
re: long distance husband/fiance
I don't think any of us can tell you if he's sincere.
By the way, he is your husband. The nikkah is done. Please do not overcomplicate an already complex relationship.
re: long distance husband/fiance
There seems to be no issue just communicate with him.
re: long distance husband/fiance
I don't see an issue here. You guys got engaged and then married at a very young age, so there was a lot of learning you guys had to do, but it doesn't seem like the affections towards each other has changed. Don't read too much into how often he communicates.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Long distance relationships are difficult. Calm down. Focus on your upcoming marriage :)
re: long distance husband/fiance
Woho. I hope there is a very good reason for getting you guys engaged and nikkahofied when such a long wait was due. No offense but I wonder why even at this age and time people are going for such complex relationships and situations. Not a wise idea at all in my opinion.
Goodluck
re: long distance husband/fiance
Long distance relationships are difficult. Calm down. Focus on your upcoming marriage :)
Ditto!
re: long distance husband/fiance
As a med student myself, it's hard enough to maintain relationships with people that are near me...I can't even imagine trying to maintain a marriage with someone that lived across the world and I hadn't had much opportunity to spend time with. I'm not making excuses for him, but cut the guy some slack. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain on their own and your situation has lots of complicating factors--one of the largest being that HE'S STUDYING FOR BOARDS.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Zoya, none of us are mind readers so we cannot tell you if your husband's declarations of love are sincere or if they are a result of compromise. You have two options.
The first option is that you can choose to trust your husband and not entertain doubts about him. Pay attention to his actions and not only his words. If, despite his busy schedule and the long distance, he still keeps in contact.... and respects you ...and enjoys talking to you...and takes an interest in your life/beliefs/goals/etc.....then those are good signs. But as Soconfused has said, you will have to be flexible because med school students are very, very busy. My sister is a med student and didn't have time for immediate family let alone anyone else.
Your second option is that you can talk to him if you cannot shake off the doubts you have. If, God forbid, he is not truly interested in this marriage....then the best time to end the marriage would be before the shadi/rukhsati...before you both start living together as that secures your image. If he assures you that he is not marrying you out pressure, then you need to believe him aur baat khatam. Don't annoy him by asking him this same question over and over again.
re: long distance husband/fiance
i recommend you read RVs post carefully and attentively.
and when you are done, it;d be 2 years and hubby would be there.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Seems like he is really involved now. There are only a few months left to your wedding and I think he would have said no if he was in doubt. He is an adult now and shall have the life of people in his hands as a doctor, I hope he is mature enough. I would not grill the guy too much especially since he has not spent too much time with you. Ask him light heatedly without making it too intense. My assumption is he is fine with it as you are soon to be together In Sha Allah. Also, ask him (if you haven't already) what qualities does he expect in a potential spouse and start working on those in the meantime if these are reasonable and you are fine with these. Moving to a new country will be hard enough and if you have already got some idea of how to make your husband happy (and hopefully him as well), it would be a smoother transition. learn to drive, if you don't, read up on the internet about his home state etc. and so forth as well.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Also understand that he will have lot of student loans so be understanding and supporting. Besides, he is going to have a quite stressful schedule which will require lot of flexibility from you. Make the best of the time you two spend together.
re: long distance husband/fiance
Your marriage is a relationship. Similar to the one you have with your friends, parents, sisters, brothers, etc. Meaning its a two way street and also not a bed of roses.
Be realistic and pragmatic please.
You WILL have fights, arguments, doubts, issues and this isn't the last one either.
You haven't even started married life yet...this is nothing. There is a lifetime ahead of you...itni si baat se haar man gayeen?
re: long distance husband/fiance
I think it's about time you two had a honeymoon.
Or at least the elders need to lock you both up in a room.