I feel this loneliness that I have tried hard to get out for a long time now.
I have tried making new friends after moving to this place when I got married, have tried having good relations with my in-laws and really been sincere in all my efforts.
After all these years I still feel that I am not part of my in-law family. I am never told about important decisions, occassions and when I need help noone offers it to me but instead tells me off about their own needs to be taken care of.
Likewise with all the effort I have made to make new friends I keep finding out that most ppl just use you for their comfort and matlab and move on when they are done. ALhamdulillah I have a few good friends but they are not always available and then I realize that all the other girls I have made such effort to become friends with are just not there for me.
My own family is far away and we dont have kids yet.
It all seems so empty these days and on top of this my husband has become extremely busy with his job so I hardly spend time with him and when I do he is so stressed out that he is easily irritated over small things which then annoys me too.
This is not another whining thread but a sincere call for help. how do you guys fill out the empty gaps in your life? what do you do not to feel lonely?
what do you do to help your partner in not being stressed out? and how do you cope with your dissapointments?
Hello Chameli, sorry to hear that you are feeling like this.
As you said your hubby is busy with work at the moment and you find it difficult to wind down with him. Try to understand that he has a stressful job and when he comes home he needs an environment away from that. Try to do things that you both enjoy and minimise any tension by keeping the conversation light hearted and fun.
Throughout life friends come and go. We find out who our real friends are when we are in times of need. We all meet people in life and gradually lose touch, that's just the way it goes. The friends that have stuck by you are the ones that are worth keeping hold of.
The way to cope with disappointments is not to have expectations that are too high. Be realistic about things, that way if things don't go as you had planned/hoped you won't be too down about it.
What you need to do is find something that occupies your time. Maybe find a job? Get a hobby? Join a group of some sort that have regular meet ups?
Make use of the time that you feel is being wasted right now, because one thing we can never get back is time.
most ppl just use you for their comfort and matlab and move on when they are done.
That is so true but then look at it from their perspective, they also have things to do.... my motto is never have any expectations from friends, they are there just for you to loosen up and chill sometimes, in times of need only your family will truly be there for you.
I would recommend you get out of the house, set an outside routine for yourself to pass the time meaningfully. Since you don't have kids, get a part-time job or maybe join some classes, or take up a fun hobby that keeps you busy.... like photography, pottery-making, etc. You would make new friends (for passing the time) in the process and have fun too. Do you drive?
P.S. I just read AmorAmor's post and she basically said the same stuff. Anyways, best time-pass is a job, so go for it and then uroyofy the money in shopping... so much fun ;)
OR you can lurk around GS all day and read PCG's men-bashing threads :p
Find a job, or if you dont need a job, Go shopping, (that really does cure loneliness) Go for long relaxing drives listening to your fav music. Join a part time course, or a full time one. I also heard a credit card can buy you diamonds and that is the cure to loneliness and a womans best friend for life! xx ;)
Find a hobby. Use the time to learn something you have always wanted to learn .... see what classes your local community centre is offering. But don't sit online all day.
I agree with everyone else’s posts. You should find a hobby. I moved to a new city for school where I knew no one and had no friends … the times when i wasn’t studying, I felt lonely. I took up painting and it was a great way to have time go by. I realized that I have talent in this area and made paintings for my apartment, my friends, and my family. So perhaps you have some hidden talent that you don’t know about?
Getting a job is good ..but if you don’t want to deal with all of that commitment, then how about volunteering??? There are SO SO many places that will be willing to take you on as a volunteer. It is such a rewarding way to spend your time. You will feel so good about yourself that you contributed/helped and you will meet many lovely people at the same time. Who knows, you could end up making long lasting friendships with ppl you meet.
Set up phone dates with your family and friends that you moved away from. I do this… like every Wednesday at 7pm, I call a certain friend up and she is expecting my call. We spend time catching up on what has been happening in each other’s live this past week, we share our feelings, vent about stuff… its great. This is way for you to still feel connected with those that you love most.
Definitely try to put an end to your loneliness. You are blessed with time on your hands.. and the possibilities are honestly endless on how u can use it Time is the most precious gift of all right?
1) Your In-laws will need some time to get to know you better, be comfortable with you before they start sharing very personal details, decisions with you. I Know there are some very fortunate families where this transition doesnt take long but every family is not the same. So just be patient.
2) Take up a hobby which will not only keep you busy and away from all unwanted thoughts but it wl also destress you.
3) Your husband seems to be overworked and i am assuming he is working all that hard for you too. So try not to discuss small issues with him when he comes home. Let him relax, you shud be there with him to enjoy the time u guys get together. Try not to spoil it by complaining abt so n so or what happened all day. I know its not easy n we all need 2 vent and share our feeilngs with somebody but try to avoid doing it with yr husband for a while.
4) Make friends in neighbours, chat with yr family on net, write a diary..........all this will help you relax, take negative thoughts off yr mind n keep yourself stress free.
Again, BE PATIENT! Every relationship requires lot of work from both sides to keep it strong n happy. Every newly married couple goes thru these feelings so don't think you are alone.
Well the thing is that my schedule is so busy and still I feel this emptyness. I work full-time, am volunteering in around 3 projects and much more but still I have this feeling.
Everytime I met new people here I have tried to make friends and have a good time but everyone is busy witht their life and family and already have an established network so they dont need a new friend apparantly...As I wrote before I do have a few good friends but since they are all busy with their stuff I really miss having my family around - especially in the weekends when hubby is busy and I dont have much to do at home.
I have recently re-started my hobby of Urdu litterature and exploring that. I really enjoy reading Urdu books and need to improve me Urdu skills so that was about time.
But I really liked you ideas of going out and joining some kind of hobby class. will look more into that.
Time is the most precious gift of all right?