Blonde in Disguise
A blonde wanted to buy a TV, so she went into the store. She found one she wanted, and asked the shop assistant what the price was. “I’m sorry, we don’t serve blondes,” his reply was. The blonde walked out, and got her hair colored into red. Next day, she walked in, and asked the shop assistant how much her chosen TV was. “I’m sorry, we don’t serve blondes,” his reply was again. She was confused. So, again, she walked out. She got her hair colored into black. Next day, she walked in, and asked how much was her chosen TV. “I’m sorry, we don’t serve blondes!” his reply was again. Now the blonde was really confused. “How did you know I was a blonde?” asked the girl. "Well, because what you’ve got there is a microwave. "
A Blonde in real life
This is a true incident, and thought you might enjoy it.
[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]While my wife and I were on our way out to dinner with another couple, my buddy’s girlfriend, a blond, decided to tell us a blond joke. It went something like this:
The Blond: You guys want to hear a blond joke?
Us: Sure!
The Blond: If you have two blonds and a brunette, what is the brunette doing?
Me: Interpreting.
The Blond: No, she’s translating!
(at this point I almost crashed the car cuz my eyes were filled with tears from laughing so hard.) The boyfriend, trying to help, is attempting to explain why the three of us are dying. Her next words:
The Blond: But they’re not the same thing! One is when there are different languages.
Fortunately, we reached the restaurant then, because I was unable to drive much farther before hitting something 
The Blonde Painter
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door bell and say, “HI,is there anything I could do for your house or u???”
The man thinks and says, “Sure, can paint my porch. You will find all the stuff in the garage.”
The girl says, “O.K., How much will you pay me?”
The man says, “How much does fifty bucks sound?”
The quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says, “50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!”
25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, “O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?”
surprised the man replies, “O.K. Let me get the money”
he comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, “By the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porch!”
Deer Tracks
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said “Oh, look at the deer tracks.” The other blonde looks and says “Those aren’t deer tracks, those are wolf tracks.” “No. Those are deer tracks.” They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Have another Drink
A brunette, redhead, and a blonde go into a bar. The brunette says [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]to the barkeep, “I’d like a BL.” The bartender replies, “What’s a BL?” The brunette answers in a snotty voice, “A Bud Light. DUH!”
So, the bartender dutifully serves up a Bud Light. Then, the redhead says, “I’d like an ML.” The bartender asks, “What’s an ML?” The redhead answers, as if to a slow child, “Miller Lite. DUH!”
After serving the redhead, the bartender, now wary and on alert, turns to the blonde.
She says, “I’d like a fifteen, please.” The bartender thinks and then says, “Okay, I understand that a BL is a Bud Light and an ML is a Miller Lite. But, I can’t figure out what a fifteen is.”
The blonde rolls her eyes, tosses her hair and answers, “A Seven and Seven. DUH!”[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]Locked Out[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]
Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: “I can’t seem to get this door unlocked!”
Blonde #2: “Well, you’d better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!”
Drive Time
There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The brunette gets [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]in the driver’s seat and the blonde gets in the passenger’s seat.
The brunette says, “We’re late, so you watch out the back window for cops.” As she speeds down the road she asks the blonde, “So, do you see any cops?”
The blonde replies, “Yes.”
The brunette says, “Are they behind us?”
“Yes.”
“Are they close?”
“Yes.”
“Are they going to stop us?”
“I don’t know.”
The brunette says, “Well, are their lights on?”
The blonde replies, “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.”[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]Row Your Boat[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]
There’s a blonde in a rowboat in the middle of a field, just rowing and rowing her heart out. Another blonde comes down the road, looks into the field, and stares at the first blonde.
“What do you think you’re doing?!” she asks.
“I’m rowing, and I’d better hurry up! I’m going to be late!” says the first girl.
The second girl gets mad. “What?! You know, it’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name! And if I could swim, I’d come out there and slap you silly!”
They Are Getting Smarter[FONT=Times New Roman]
[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]A blonde was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes she was constantly hearing. She decided that she would learn all the state capitals in an effort to defend blondes everywhere. She went home and spent the entire evening learning them all.
The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde joke and she immediately retorted, “Hey … I bet I know something that ALL of you don’t know. I know ALL of the state capitals which proves that not all blondes are dumb.”
The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of her co-workers finally asked, “Ok … what’s the capital of Texas?”
To which she smugly replied, “T.”
No, Over There
There were two blondes driving to disney land in Los Angeles. The were looking for signs that would lead them there. One of them finally saw a sign. It said "Disney, Left … so they turned around and went back home
Blonde One Liners and Riddles[FONT=Times New Roman]
- [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]
- How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it…with a thought![FONT=Times New Roman] [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]
- How can you tell a smart blonde from a dumb blonde…the smart blondes have dark roots.
- Why don’t blondes eat pickles…because they get their heads stuck in the jar.
- Why did the blonde get fired from the M & M factory…she threw out all of the W’s.
- How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday…tell her a joke on Friday.
- What do you call a zit on a blonde’s butt…brain tumor.
- Why don’t blondes make kool-aid…can’t fit 8 cups of water in the little packages.
- What do you call a blonde with half a brain…gifted.
- Why do blondes have T.G.I.F. printed on their shoes…stands for [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]T[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]oes [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]G[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica] o [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]I[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]n [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]F[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]irst.[FONT=Times New Roman] [FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Helvetica]
- How many blondes does it take to change a tire … 5–2 to get sodas, 2 to cry and 1 to call daddy.
- How do you give a blonde a brain transplant … blow in her ear.
- What do blondes and beer bottles have in common … they’re both empty from the neck up.
- What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear … thanks for the refill.
- What’s the mating call of a brunette … Is that darn blonde gone yet?
- Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink … that’s where you wash vegetables.
- How do you get a blonde’s eyes to sparkle … shine a light in her ear.
- What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde … you can park in handicapped zones.
- What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you … pull the pin and throw it back.
- Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall … to see what was on the other side.
- How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb … 6 - 2 to read the instructions, 1 to find the switch, 2 to stand on, 1 to screw the bulb.
- How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb … two … one to hold the diet pepsi and one to call daaaady.
- The blonde stayed up all night to see where the sun went … it finally dawned on her.
- Brunette to the blonde … Awww, look at the dead birdie … the blonde stopped, looks up and says, “where”?
- How do you know a blonde has been working at your computer … there is “white-out” all over the screen.
- How can you tell if another blonde been using the computer … there’s writing on the “white-out”.
- Why do blondes wear ear muffs? … to avoid the draft.
- What did the blonde visiting O.J. think this was … spilled finger nail polish.
- What is the blonde doing when she hold her hands over her ears … trying to hold on to a thought.
- Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? … because it said “concentrate”.
- Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet … she thought it was diet “coke”.
- Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering … the noise gave her a headache.
- Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips … from trying to blow out lightbulbs.
- Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar … she heard that the drinks were on the house.
- Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs … they don’t know the route.
- Why does blondes have elevator jobs … they like going up and down.
- Why do blondes work seven days a week … so you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
- How does a blond know if she’s on her way home or on her way to work … she opens her lunch box to see if there is anything in it
- How did the blonde die drinking milk…the cow sat down
- Why don’t blondes make chocolate chip cookies … it takes to long to get the shells off the M & M’s
- Why can’t the blonde keep a job at the M & M factory … she keeps throwing away the W’s
- What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts … change
- How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies … 10 … one to mix the dough and nine to sort out the W’s
- How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies … 3 … one to make batter and two to peel the M & Ms.
- How can you tell if a blonde has baked chocolate cookies … there are M & M hulls all over the floor
- How can you tell if a blonde is going to back chocolate cookies … she is throwing out all of the W’s
- What is written at the bottom of a blonde’s fishing pond … bring your own fish
- Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool … no smoking
- what does a blond do when someone says its chili outside … she grabs a bowl
- what do you call a blonde with one brain cell … gifted
- What do you call a blonde with two brain cells … pregnant
- What is a blond with brunette died hair … artificial intelligence
- Why did the blond stare at the orange juice … it said concentrate
- Why Can’t Blondes get "mad Cow Disease … you can’t get it twice
- How do you sink a submarine full of blondes … knock on the door
- What stops then goes, stops then goes … A blonde at a blinking red light
- What do you call two blondes in the freezer … frosted flakes
- Pepsi came out with a new can just for blondes … It has “open other end” printed on the bottom.
- Why do blondes always rapidly flap their hands towards theirs ears … they’re refuelling
- Why do blondes comb their bangs strait up … They don’t want anything going over their head
- How did the blonds brain cell die … alone
- What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios … Hey, Look!! A bunch of doughnut seeds
- What do you call a smart blond … Labrador
- How many blonde jokes are there? … none, they’re all true
- Why don’t blonds ever become pharmacists … It’s too hard to fit the bottle in the typewriter
- Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio … she didn’t want one for nights
- Did you hear about the dead blonde in the closet … she was last years hide and seek winner
- Why are there blonde jokes … to make brunettes jealous
- Why doesn’t a blonde make Kool Aid … couldn’t get 8 glasses of water in the little packet
- What’s the advantage of being married to a blonde … you can park in the handicapped zone
- What is dumber than a brunette building a fire under water … a blonde trying to put it out
- What do you call a blonde with a brand new P.C … a dumb terminal
- How do you call a blond … you don’t … you whistle
- What does a blond say when she see’s a banana skin on the side walk … am going to fall again
- I’m a blonde and still like blonde jokes … must have been written by a true blonde
- Why are blonde jokes so easy to understand … so brunettes can understand them
- How did the blond burn her ear … the phone rang while she was ironing
- What’s a blond between 2 brunette … a mental block
- Why do blondes wear their hair up … to catch anything that goes over their heads
- Why does a blonde smile when there is lightening … she thinks she is getting her picture taken
- There are 17 blonds standing outside a disco but they could not get in … the sign said, “must be 18 to enter”
- How many blonds does it take to change a light bulb … only one … she holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her
- What do you call 3 blondes that walk into a building … beats me … you would think one of them would have seen it
- How do you drown a blonde … glue a penny to the bottom of a pool
- Why are there no brunette jokes … because blondes would have to think them up
- How does a blonde make instant pudding … places the box in the microwave, and looks for the "instant pudding setting
- How do you confuse a blonde, put three shovels against the wall and tell her … to take her “PICK”
- How do you drive a blonde crazy … put her in a round room and tell her to stand in the corner
- Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead … trying to make up her mind
- What do you call a brunette standing between two blondes … interpreter
- What do you call 24 blondes in a cardboard box … a case of empties
- Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink … that is where you clean all vegetables
- Why did it take the blonde 7 days to drive from St. Louis to Chicago … she kept seeing signs that read … stop clean bath room
- A blonde went to the doctor’s with burnt feet, “how did you do it” asked the doctor" … "cooking soup … the instructions said "open can … stand in boiling water for 7 minutes
- Why can’t a blonde make ice cubes … Don’t know the recipe
- How do you get rid of blondes … form a circle, give each a gun and tell them they are a firing squad
*]Why did the blonde buy a brown cow … to get chocolate milk[FONT=Times New Roman]
beat tht KK:hoonh:
