Demesne, honey, I’m going to give you some very dear, sisterly advice…after being married 13 years, and giving birth to three kids, I can very frankly say that I speak for 99.9% of married (and rukhsatified!) women when I say:
-you WILL argue with your husband and NOT give in
-there will be nights when that “nudge” and “come hither” look will annoy the hell out you, and you will say “NO”..there’s nothing wrong with that
-“headaches” are perfectly valid reasons to not want to have sex
-and just as many times as you don’t feel like it, you will have many more mind blowing, fun nights!
I make my husband breakfast, lunch & dinner everyday, serve him chai with my own two hands, do his laundry, iron his clothes, help him with the bills, raise his kids, all while maintaining a full time job OUTSIDE of the house as well, and I do not even call him by his name! (yes, honestly, in 13 years, I have never addressed him by his name..it’s always “suniyay…”)…I’d say that constitues being a dutiful wife.
And after ALL that, if he nudges me at 2 am, after I JUST fell into a blissfull slumber, he’s going to get smacked. he knows it, i know it, and that’s the way it is! When i have to be up at 5:00 am so that I can first get ready for work, then get the kids up and ready so that I can be out the door by 6:30 (after going to bed at 12:30 am because there were 3 loads of laundry to finish and lunches to pack), the last thing I want to do is give in to him, because let’s face it, he’s a man and he wants it 24/7!
Kidding aside, there is a big difference between the physical act and the emotional intimacy. One cannot happen successfully without the other. It’s not a Western notion, or some made up feminazi (which I most certainly am not!) heory, it’s the truth. And being a practicing Muslim, who is fairly well read and intelligent when it comes to our deen, saying “NO” when you are tired/upset/ or just plain not in the mood does not go against your wifely duties as a Muslim.