Here is something i got way back …
its funny … 
)
A VVIP telephone chat
By
The F-16 imbroglio was
finally resolved on December 19, 1998 when a beaming Nawaz Sharif announced the brokered
deal. Everybody heaved a sigh of relief and the PML celebrated this momentous victory.
Their leader had pulled off a miracle through sheer persistency. For the Knowledge of the general public, the final breakthrough in this deadlock was achieved during a telephonic conversation between the two great leaders of our times.
Nawaz Sharif: Helloji. Are
you speaking from White House Washington. Oh Bhabiji. How are you?
White House: This is the
President’s secretary. Who is this?
N.S.: May I speak to Mr
Bill Clinton who is President of United States. I am PM from Atomic
Republic of Pakistan
Bill Clinton comes on the line.
Bill Clinton: Hello. Who is this?
N.S.: Good morning Bill Sirji. I am Nawaz.
Remember me. I met you few days back when I was visiting U.S.A.
B.C.: There were scores of Pakistani. Which
one were you? O.K. I got it. You were the one who wanted to embrace me
and I ducked. So how are you?
N.S: First class. Sir, a small task is stuck at your end. I already discussed it personally with you on my trip. It
is about refund of our
F-16 money.
B.C.: Look, I have promised I would do
whatever can be done. Right now I am facing domestic problems.
N.S.: Your wife bugs you too. My wife also
keeps nagging me and complains that I am messing up the country. But
what these housewives know about politics? Brother Bill, don’t delay the matter. I am feeling crunchy due to foreign exchange
position. Your respected green bag, I mean Greenspan or whatever is running out.
B.C.: Your are surely strange. It would be
better if you sort out the matter with Albright.
N.S.: I did speak to her but she is not all
that bright. Instead of returning our money, she said Pakistan should
pay for maintenance of F-16s in U.S.A.
B.C.: So what exactly do you desire? I am
getting late. I have to write my latest apology to the American public.
N.S.: Let me calculate. It comes to 500
million dollars and 50 paisa. This is the amount that we paid you for
F-16 aeroplanes. Please send a demand draft in my favour and please cross it.
B.C.: Sorry. This is too large an amount and
it cannot be refunded just like that. But we may consider some more
investments in shape of more junk food chains in your country.
N.S.: You are not understanding. We have to
repay foreign loans. IMF would never accept burgers and sandwiches as
repayment.
B.C.: Okay we may consider paying you in kind.
N.S.: That is very kind of you but which kind
of repayment is this?
B.C.: Let’s see what we have in surplus.
Illegal immigrants, call girls, maybe snow. Yes, you will be given snow
over a two-year period.
N.S.: Let me remind you sir that you are not
talking to an Igloo living in an Eskimo in North Pole. And call girls.
No sir they do not fit in under my Shariat Bill scheme. Sir
forgive me but please give more respect to a nuclear power.
B.C.: (Listening to someone) What? Oh Boy, I
am impeached. Find out the Senate trial date. We have to bombard some
country to postpone the hearing. (Coming back to N.S)
Which country did you say you are calling from?
N.S.: Sirji we are atomic nation. You cannot
look at us with dirty eye. Now please settle the issue of F-16.
B.C.: For God’s sake. Don’t you have anything
else to do? You come here, in hundreds, stay in the most expensive
hotels, hire limos and then beg me for a few million
dollars. You baffle me Mr. Whatever.
N.S.: Sir, people have given me a mandate to
do that. We Pakistanis have to give ourselves respect to earn respect.
We did not want you to develop a misplaced notion that
Pakistan is bankrupt and we came with a begging bowl in our hand. Bhai
nahein hai, I mean, be my brother. Please grant.
B.C.: Okay 326 million dollars, the rest
wheat.
N.S.: Your highness, you are great. May God
protect you from the evils of this world. You are most generous. I thank
you from the bottom.
B.C.: It’s all right. After all it was your
own money. You will get your cheque by the end of this year. By the way,
you must reciprocate my kindness. I assigned you the task to capture Bin Laden. What progress have you made in this respect?
N.S.: Sir I am fasting and when we Pakistanis
fast we do not lie. I swear we have been hitting prints (chapay maar
rahe hain) but God knows land eaten him or sky gulped him.
Rest insured, we will capture him and he would be extra-transported to
your great nation. Today we will launch our operation
before sehri.
Now my lordship. I beg you to leave. Say my
regards to your first wife err first lady Hillary apa and also to Miss
Lewdinski. God
bless you - Good bye.
So this is how the curtain fell on one of the
most complex international problems of modern times through a great
display of shrewd
diplomacy.