coccoo......read her previous thread and you'll find that many members (women AND men) advised her along similar lines you have.
i know . but i also understand the situation of the gal in question .
diverting frm the question , i know where she s comin frm
the prblm here in pakistan is that even if a gal has a very successful career (wht to talk of those who dont hav one) n things happenin for her n everthing, after crossing a certain number say 25+ she isnt married or engaged her mother starts getting panic attacks, whereeva she goes wid the family say to weddings or gtgs her mother s always askd the question by nosy relatives " ap is kay liye rishta kyo nahi daikh rahey?" .... " is ki baat nahi chali kahin ?" etc n these things do effect the gals psyche ...... she ends up settling for any kuta billa that comes her way . unfortunately in pakistan when a mother goes looking 4 a gal 4 her son even if the son is 35 she d want a gal not more than 20 , they r considered ideal , as it is believed that they wud adjust easily . as a mature n independant gal wud hav a mind of her own they dont want that .
i know hundreds of gals in early n late thirties with good careers , acceptable lookin n modest still single coz of this psyche here . shame on all those ppl.
i know . but i also understand the situation of the gal in question .
diverting frm the question , i know where she s comin frm
the prblm here in pakistan is that even if a gal has a very successful career (wht to talk of those who dont hav one) n things happenin for her n everthing, after crossing a certain number say 25+ she isnt married or engaged her mother starts getting panic attacks, whereeva she goes wid the family say to weddings or gtgs her mother s always askd the question by nosy relatives " ap is kay liye rishta kyo nahi daikh rahey?" .... " is ki baat nahi chali kahin ?" etc n these things do effect the gals psyche ...... she ends up settling for any kuta billa that comes her way . unfortunately in pakistan when a mother goes looking 4 a gal 4 her son even if the son is 35 she d want a gal not more than 20 , they r considered ideal , as it is believed that they wud adjust easily . as a mature n independant gal wud hav a mind of her own they dont want that .
i know hundreds of gals in early n late thirties with good careers , acceptable lookin n modest still single coz of this psyche here . shame on all those ppl.
I know the double standards that our society has regarding men and women. The poster is in her early twenties. She is with this guy......not because there is a shortage of rishtas............but because she fell in love with him. It's basically a "love marriage"...IF she's already married him or still firmly intends to. She had known him for a considerable amount of time before he proposed. She met him........in cyberspace........online. I can understand the concern parents have for finding their daughters a "GOOD" match.....especially if they're getting older. But......the key word here is "GOOD" match. Regardless of whether a girl is 22 or 29 or 32.....her parents would want a guy who respects their daugther. What people were concerned about was her fiance's behavior. It raised questions about his ability to be a good husband let alone respect her. Had the poster......revealed mostly positive things about her fiance's character/behavior......people would be more encouraging of her getting married to him...even if he does live outside of Pak. But since his behavior raised some eyebrows.......people are wary of not just the living arrangement but the rishta itself. I wish her the best.
i will tell u the criteria of a typical paki mother , since they have bore n brought up a "son"
they hav divine right to judge gals
tall
fair
not more than 20
parents loaded
submissive
ready to work like a slave
wid these kind of demands gals r bound to get panicy afta a certain age n settle for less.
and in acountry like pakistan an unmarries gal is considered an outcast , a freak, ppl assume sumthin must be wrong wid her thats y she s still single , gals often panic n make wrong decisions.
i will tell u the criteria of a typical paki mother , since they have bore n brought up a "son"
they hav divine right to judge gals
tall
fair
not more than 20
parents loaded
submissive
ready to work like a slave
wid these kind of demands gals r bound to get panicy afta a certain age n settle for less.
and in acountry like pakistan an unmarries gal is considered an outcast , a freak, ppl assume sumthin must be wrong wid her thats y she s still single , gals often panic n make wrong decisions.
I know........lol. I believe ALL desi girls..........even the ones who have been born and raised outside of the motherland............KNOW about these double standards :)
What's funny is that a mother wants a beautiful and submissive and no less than perfect bride for her son........even if .....her OWN daughters themselves might not be fair....or slim.....or submissive, etc.
getting panicky to get married @ right age is OK but such gals n their parents should accelerate their search n not stick to anyone that crosses their way. do they wanna get married to shut ppl up or for a secure future? coz if its just to shut ppl up they never actually shut up esp in a scenario as hers they would find more mirch masala to gossip around.
HI Guppies
i experienced the same thing,but i lived sometime with my inlaws and sometime with my parents....IN ISLAM THERE IS NO CONCEPT OF INLAWS...ITS JUST IN PAKISTAN
IN ARAB COUNTRIES GIRL NEVER LIVE FOR A SINGLE DAY IN HER INLAWS
there r only 2 places for her mentioned in Islam(a boy get married at the stage whn he cn provide accomodATion to his wife)
1.her father's place
2.her husband's place (after wedding)
no any single line about inlaws,,,it cn never go well when the NUCLEUS is not there ......
I have read somewhere but i dont know about its authencity nor do i remember teh source that in islam if a husband leaves his wife and go somewhere without her permission for more than 6 months then she has the right to seek divorce.
well this is only applied if the husband just gone away without telling where he is going and not informing or in contact with his wife for a year or so. and wife is not sure that he is ever coming back or his whereabouts, then she can file for "Khulla ".
living without hubby is just rubbish idea unless its mutual decision for the better future of both wife and husband AND only short term. ie if the husband has to go abroad and sort out job and settle first and then will be able to invite his wife to join him there.
living life as this as pattern where hubby living abroad for years, not good for a emotional and physical relationship, non existent bond between children and father, effect on upbringing etc.
this practice is quite common in our villages where hubbys off to middle east or other countries for earning missions, most of these spouse left behind for so long apart from other things go for other relationship in his absence.