Again, your mother didnt leave her home, your wife did. Your wife is new withing your own family and you owe it to her to make that transition as smooth as possible.
and when the wife did not move in to a joint family system? but they are living on their own and there is stil chikh chikh, by that token the gy should just say, hey your problem, u deal with it eh?
Again, your mother didnt leave her home, your wife did. Your wife is new withing your own family and you owe it to her to make that transition as smooth as possible.
[Why should he not smooth them out? He is an equal partner in the marriage and if she brought him home to her family, HE would definitely rely on HER to protect him. How many DIL do you know go to their MIL and say "Mommy, lets sit down and be grown up and try to resolve our differences in an adult manner"??? AND VICE VERSA??? And BTW, its not about being told how to behave (or did you miss that part?) its about the man realizing and understanding that he DOES have a role to play in all of this. The role of a good husband and good son.
him being in the middle does not absolve the ladies in the question to act like morons and then expectc him to resolve it. does it how many DILs I know who do that..err many. why is it so hard to try and sit down and resolve their own differences?
of course it is being told about how to behave because in the end the clashes are due to behavior..whether its actions, statements, whatever..that is what behavior is.
The man does have to play a role, but his is not the major role, the major role in resolving a dispute is that of the two ladies fighting, the primary responsibility is theirs..not the lad who is stuck in the middle.
Why not? Did he not marry her? Or did he marry the woman next door? Men can say that when they stay out of it, but when they get involved and take one side over the other, thats where the problems begin. You guys dont do a good job of letting us resolve it on our own either...you roll up your sleeves and revel in the drama just as much. You LOVE being pampered by mama and wife during these battles. Ek taraf se "mera pyara sa bacha" aur doosri taraf se "my sweet baby". The point is, if you're going to get involved, be fair or stay out.
ahhhhhh see, the issue came up...niether the MIL or DIl likes if the guy happens to say one or the other is right. As I stated, an adjudicator whose performance is measured soley on the scale of how much he agrees with the views of the person rating him.
alhumdulillah my mother and my wife are two very sensible and mature women, who have their differences of opinion but they have never let it come between them and never put me in a situation where I have to have some sort of townhall meeting.
I think some guys get involved because they see the atmosphere of the family being destroyed by the ego battles and cant deal with it any more.
Again, if they choose to get involved, they have to be fair or stay out. If they stay out, they really have to stay out. They cannot jump in whenever its time to defend the wifey or mommy.
why such rules, they can alwaysget involved if things escalate and get uglier. if one person is being extremely disrespectful and its out of hand why cant they jump in?
as I have already said, when two ppl are fighting like kuttay billian..the guy can be as fair as possible but he will be considered biased by either oen or both, because if the MIl is right and he says that then the wife would say he is biased, if teh DIl is right and he agrees with her position then the MIl would say he is biased. if he thinks both are wrong then ofcourse..both dont like that.
.No one is blaming you, this thread is meant to help people understand what they can do to help the peace in their homes and lives...**
what they can help maintain peace is to set the expectation that they are not refereee, and people should act and behave in a responsible and civilized manner.
you know who can help the peace in homes and lives..the two warring parties.