the wife does not have a voice? and by the same token is he not responsible for beiong the mother's advocate and voice?
*Again, your mother didnt leave her home, your wife did. Your wife is new withing your own family and you owe it to her to make that transition as smooth as possible. *
why should he be smoothing out differences? shouldnt people who are developing differences be grown up and try to act in a grown up manner? are they so immature that they need a man to tell them how to behave?
*Why should he not smooth them out? He is an equal partner in the marriage and if she brought him home to her family, HE would definitely rely on HER to protect him. How many DIL do you know go to their MIL and say "Mommy, lets sit down and be grown up and try to resolve our differences in an adult manner"??? AND VICE VERSA??? And BTW, its not about being told how to behave (or did you miss that part?) its about the man realizing and understanding that he DOES have a role to play in all of this. The role of a good husband and good son. *
why should he be actively helping to resolve problems. the 'problems' are there because the people in the situation have not tried to resolve it themselves, so they are putting a third party in the middle to be ping ponged.
*Why not? Did he not marry her? Or did he marry the woman next door? Men can say that when they stay out of it, but when they get involved and take one side over the other, thats where the problems begin. You guys dont do a good job of letting us resolve it on our own either...you roll up your sleeves and revel in the drama just as much. You LOVE being pampered by mama and wife during these battles. Ek taraf se "mera pyara sa bacha" aur doosri taraf se "my sweet baby". The point is, if you're going to get involved, be fair or stay out. *
sorry but the guys I have seen do this get miserable, and any sort of truce that they help build then gets destroyed by one asinine action, moronic sentence, idiotic taunt, immature reaction of the ladies in the equation and the pandora's box opens again and it does not start from the point when teh truce was established, but it goes back to day one.
*Again, if they choose to get involved, they have to be fair or stay out. If they stay out, they really have to stay out. They cannot jump in whenever its time to defend the wifey or mommy. *
sorry ladies, take more responsibility for your own actions and behavior as a DIL or as an MIL.
blaming it on guys does not change the fact that the responsibility of such clashes belongs to the women involved. and they should be resolving them, they dont need daddy to come tell them how to interact with other human beings.
No one is blaming you, this thread is meant to help people understand what they can do to help the peace in their homes and lives...