Those living outside Pakistan, do you fear that once your kids grow up they might not follow your religion, traditions and might forget their identity as Pakistani or whatever.
Ofcourse i will make sure my kids follow and are fully aware of their heritage and importantly Religion. But after i die or when they are adult they will have their own life and anything is possible.
Those who are living out of Pakistan for 2nd generation or 3rd generation how do you maintain your contact or link to your country. and what specials things your parents did to make sure you stick to your belief and heritage.
Sending their kids to mosque, living in an area where there are at least one or two other desi families, poss desi shops and halal food nearby so the kids get into the habit of it, perhaps teach them Urdu/whatever other language (as in reading + writing as most will obviously pick up the speaking pretty effortlessly anyway).. There are loads of ways of keeping in touch with ur culture or heritage.. I'm not really into culture myself and I'd love my kids to just be a blend of everything lol but each to their own..
If you and your spouse do everything that you want your kids to follow, rest assured, they will follow no matter where you are. Easiest way to make kids do something is to do it yourself.
^ You know I would say that's what many parents living in the west think, but there's a dominating emergence of second generation immigrants who might appear to be obedient, conservative to their parents (who would assume their kids follow whatever was told), but they have their foots set into both worlds rather firmly. Their parents will continue to think they are nice angelic kids (different from goras), refraining from everything they despise, and that's exactly what their offspring will let them believe. However, they will do on their own what is expected of any other average person would do, from late night college partying to being in relationships etc; without their parents knowing about it. I dont blame them because they were born and raised here, and its unfair to expect them to be all what you want to be. I have acquaintances from both sexes whom I spend time with, socialize and I see them doing this all the time, and I also get to meet many of their parents, and cant help it smirking as to how the parents are totally kept in the dark. I actually respect them because I understand the societal pressure on them, while growing up. Furthermore, they could altogether not care what their parents think but keeping it encapsulated from them is a sign that there is still a bit of understanding of the culture, not necessarily implementation.
p.s. This comment was in general and isnt targeted to anyone in particular, so please do not take it personally.
**yeh masal sach hai k ho jaataa hai soHbat kaa asar
apne kia insaan dar o deevaar badal dete haiN?
honaa to aisaa nahiiN chaahiye magar aisaa hii hotaa hai...look at the west indians. they came from east india and they came from muslim and hindu families. now, after a few generations, they have lost everything. first casualty is always the name, second casualty is language and the third caualty is religion thru marriages [both inter-racial and inter religious] and as a result 1/3rd of the family is Hindu, 1/3rd muslim and 1/3rd converted to christianity]. over the years, they drifted away from their original culture/religion.
my bro tells me that before, say 10 years ago, indo/paki girls RARELY married a goraa but, now, its very prevalent and to some extent accepted. i am not saying that its OK for men to marry outside their own people. now, because of all the inter-racial marriages, a time will come when our off-springs will NOT even look like what our fore-fathers looked like. i admit that its not a big deal but these are the foundations for a millat [nation].
we lose our heritage/culture/religion/language a lil by lil so we all must be cautious about that. 'allaamah iqbal very wisely and beautifully said:
fard qaaim rabt-e-millat se hai, tanhaa kuchh nahiiN
mauj hai daryaa meN, be_roon-e-daryaa kuchh nahiiN
[an individual by himself is nothing and is surely connected to the nation
just like a wave is a wave as long its in the river/ocean but loses it's identity as soon as it hits the shores.]**
If you and your spouse do everything that you want your kids to follow, rest assured, they will follow no matter where you are. Easiest way to make kids do something is to do it yourself.
^ You know I would say that's what many parents living in the west think, but there's a dominating emergence of second generation immigrants who might appear to be obedient, conservative to their parents (who would assume their kids follow whatever was told), but they have their foots set into both worlds rather firmly. Their parents will continue to think they are nice angelic kids (different from goras), refraining from everything they despise, and that's exactly what their offspring will let them believe. However, they will do on their own what is expected of any other average person would do, from late night college partying to being in relationships etc; without their parents knowing about it. I dont blame them because they were born and raised here, and its unfair to expect them to be all what you want to be. I have acquaintances from both sexes whom I spend time with, socialize and I see them doing this all the time, and I also get to meet many of their parents, and cant help it smirking as to how the parents are totally kept in the dark. I actually respect them because I understand the societal pressure on them, while growing up. Furthermore, they could altogether not care what their parents think but keeping it encapsulated from them is a sign that there is still a bit of understanding of the culture, not necessarily implementation.
p.s. This comment was in general and isnt targeted to anyone in particular, so please do not take it personally.
I dont disagree but I have seen that happening that in cases where parents are extremely strict and they don’t get involved with the kids. Like I know few families who are so strict that they don’t even allow girls to dress moderately (jeans and full sleaves sweeter) at school. What does the girl do? They change at locker room at school.
What I stated is the essential part of the training i.e do what you want kids to follow off course it does not stop here. Get involved with the kids and try to understand where they stand.
and after all the effort parents have to understand that kids can not be raised 100% like they were raised back home. There always is going to be give-n-take at the end.
I dont disagree but I have seen that happening that in cases where parents are extremely strict and they don’t get involved with the kids. Like I know few families who are so strict that they don’t even allow girls to dress moderately (jeans and full sleaves sweeter) at school. What does the girl do? They change at locker room at school.
What I stated is the essential part of the training i.e do what you want kids to follow off course it does not stop here. Get involved with the kids and try to understand where they stand.
and after all the effort parents have to understand that kids can not be raised 100% like they were raised back home. There always is going to be give-n-take at the end.
I've seen it happen with all sorts of parents strict, moderately strict, moderately lenient and extremely lenient, its the norm. You and even me might consider their behavior lucid and unacceptable, but you have to realize for them, outside the world of their parents, no one will consider things like partying, relationships, pre-marital sex, liquor unacceptable, its just how it is, i.e. living in the west.
I thought like you too, a long time ago, but after interacting and knowing many people my age that grew up here I've realized its just how it is. For one thing, they're very good at hiding things from their parents. Again, we cant blame them for anything because if they are to be blamed, then the parents need to be blamed for moving to a society and giving birth to them in a society where the norm is what they consider outrageously unacceptable.
You are extremely naive if you think a person grown up in the west will be less religious or cultured than a Pakistani.
I agree. I find that in Pakistan, people that I came across, including family and friends (See how I'm not generalizing :D ) are only muslim by name, no one is bothered by the rules of Islam because they live in a Muslim country. Here in the west, we are aware that we are different from others and why/what sets us apart from them is our deen. Ofcourse it depends on the parents as well, if your not bothered by it, then that passes down to the children. I was born here (along with many other muslim friends that I have) we know all about our religion and culture, and in Pakistan my family makes fun of me because of the way I dress (hijab/abaya). It's your duty to teach your children about your religion and culture and if they're going to turn away from that, it can happen here or there. Except when it happens in the west, parents and pakistani community shows concern and if it happens in Pakistan then their child is considered "modern"
As far as culture goes, yes Pakistan observes culture much better then we do, just look at all the jehaz they take :D
Again, we cant blame them for anything because if they are to be blamed, then the parents need to be blamed for moving to a society and giving birth to them in a society where the norm is what they consider outrageously unacceptable.
I agree. I find that in Pakistan, people that I came across, including family and friends (See how I'm not generalizing ) are only muslim by name, no one is bothered by the rules of Islam because they live in a Muslim country. Here in the west, we are aware that we are different from others and why/what sets us apart from them is our deen. Ofcourse it depends on the parents as well, if your not bothered by it, then that passes down to the children. I was born here (along with many other muslim friends that I have) we know all about our religion and culture, and in Pakistan my family makes fun of me because of the way I dress (hijab/abaya). It's your duty to teach your children about your religion and culture and if they're going to turn away from that, it can happen here or there. Except when it happens in the west, parents and pakistani community shows concern and if it happens in Pakistan then their child is considered "modern"
^the point was only that its more difficult to stay away from those things in west because they are considered normal by everyone else.......whereas in pakistan they are not considered normal and looked down upon by all. Anyone indulging in those activities will be looked down upon generally in society and not only in home (as is the case with foreign borns).
As far as culture goes, yes Pakistan observes culture much better then we do, just look at all the jehaz they take
"they" really are observing of culture...agree with that.
From my experience if parents are involved with their children and maintain a good balance between both cultures themselves then the kids will follow suit.........kids are usually 'confused' when parents push western culture totally away and only force Pakistani culture down their kids throat
Religion can be practiced anywhere, and I don't think that just because someone is living in the West their faith isn't going to be as strong................it falls back on the parents responsibility of teaching their children about Islam.........just as if they were living in any other place
However, D6C is right. Parents create whatever environment children grow up in. My parents worked very very very hard to make sure we picked up as much as we could. Your home life makes a huge difference and I think if you make it a goal of yours...there is no way your kids will not learn.
I think its good for a child to have desi and western culture - personally I would want my children to have both. Like myself.
I have observed that as far as religion goes we in the west seem to be more religious - praying, hijab, observing the hadiths as much as one can. etc.
I say this - as I know many people there do not pray 5 a day, and 99% don't even fast - saying ufff its too hot to, or how can one fast. Whereas I have never seen someone not fast here - and I think the days of summer are longer here - yet this does not stop us.
I feel to some extent kids will do whatever they want to as they grow older anyways don't you think?
There's all this importance on saying that if your kid goes a different way then its the parents fault for not teaching them the right way but is it really always the parents fault? Because I know a lot of parents who have done their best to provide their kids with an understanding of the religion and culture but the kids still go against it. In the west its easy to show you aren't religious or cultural, because you can just behave like your western counterparts drinking, dating, whatever. I know of a lot of people in Pakistan who don't really believe in religion but they do it because everyone does it. No one says anything to them because its impossible to tell until you really talk to them. Like my one friend she fasts because everyone fasts around her but as soon as she went to the UK she stopped and really anytime she's not in an atmosphere where she has to be remotely islamic she doesn't bother. Kind of how I do things to fit into the West she does the same even though she's born and raised muslim. All the parents can do I think is provide that solid foundation but I think in the end its up to the individual to embrace or reject it.
Aye I keep having this worry… I am a first generation immigrant so to speak but I am a determined fellow and one who dreams of staying for a short term before returning however it’s all up to Allah and his will I can only say that Insha Allah I will make every effort to return home and do my duty.
however it’s all up to Allah and his will I can only say that Insha Allah I will make every effort to return home and do my duty. 