Living near girls parents not in laws

Lifestyle Relationships
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Anyone done this?
I’ve been living with my in laws for a few years now but now we are ready to buy our own home. Initially we were thinking off buying near them but now plan is to move near my parents because I need help with childcare which my parents are offering. Asked the in laws for the help first and they said it wouldn’t be possible as they have other obligations. Not sure how it will be perceived. They are pretty old school in their thinking but do try to be understanding.

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

My in-laws live farther than my parents but my situation is different because my husband moved away from his parents (due to school/work) years before we met.

Is your husband ok with this decision? As long as he is ok with it, have HIM talk to his parents and explain the reasoning behind the decision. How far away will your in-laws be if you move near your parents?

Childcare is a very good reason to move near your parents if your in-laws are not able to give you the help you need for whatever reason.

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

Yeah husband is very understanding. Although sometimes he seems to still be under the illusion that they will be able to help/will want to help. I said to him before they even said they can't, that they have too many other commitments of their own day to day and they also spend a few months every year abroad. I need help where someone can commit properly like my mother has offered to - not just babysit on the odd night as I will be working. My in laws will end up being 1.5 hours drive away. When they said they can't help they asked us to think about an area that's half way but that doesn't work because in order for my parents to help I need to be maximum 15 mins away otherwise we will spend so much time just doing drop off pick ups. I didn't give it too much thought but the other day when I mentioned we have started looking at houses my mum
said I need to be 100%... What if they get sick, hes the only son around. They are in Pakistan atm so haven't had a chance to discuss yet but when we do obviously husband will do the talking.

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

whats your question

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You have a valid reason. Childcare is very imp and.valid reason.

Up the socks, husband will have to do...

I wouldnt think about it, seems.the obv choice

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

Which one will be closer to your work?

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

Both the same distance from work as both live in suburbs and we work in the downtown area

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

I think your reasons are very valid. Dependable childcare is an absolute must if both you and your husband are working. Since you in-laws have already told you that they cannot commit to watching your child on a regular schedule, you/husband have no choice but to move close to your parents.

Unless your husband is willing to pay for outside childcare. But if you/husband want your children to be raised by a family member...them moving close to your parents seems to be the best solution right now. Also, I assume YOU will the one dropping off and picking up the kids from your mom's house every day. Unless your husband is willing to share this task equally, its not fair for him (or anyone else) to ask you to live in an area halfway. I know people who do this daily with their kids and it sucks. All that driving back and forth is precious time that could be spend at home with the entire family taking care of other things.

As for his parents getting sick....that may or may not happen. Future is unpredictable. Right now the problem is finding dependable childcare. Solve that problem. In the future if another problem comes up, worry about solving it then.

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

Thanks Paheli. That's what I thought too. Just that my mother questioned it and then the other day I was telling a friend about our plans and she was asking if In laws are ok with me moving to my parents hometown. Obviously in our culture there are certain expectations and norms that people conform to eg girl lives with guys parents but never the other way around and although this isn't me moving into my parents home it might still be frowned upon by some I guess...

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

you are right about cultural expectations and there is that log kia khaein ge bit too .... BUT
1. the gossipers arnt living your life and arnt dealing with your problems/needs
2. you will be a topic of conversation only for a moment before the next new haw hai issue becomes en vogue
3. many of our cultural norms/expectations are silly and need to change. the only way to change is to step up and be the change.

do whats best for your family.

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Re: Living near girls parents not in laws

She needs a validation perhaps from strangers.