Living in Pakistan?

[coffeegirl]

Re: Living in Pakistan?

@nabz

^ so he is your cousin? how old is he? is your mom happy with this rishta?

Yes , he is 28 and yes my mom is happy and says, in rishto se bar kar aur to nai hote and she also says that she just does not want me to have to suffer what she suffered.

@Paheli00

I see. So the last time you were in Pakistan…you were like 11/12. You need to go to Pakistan right now again and stay there at least 1-2 months MINIMUM. See what day-to-day life is like there for people…especially for women in the area where you will live in IF you move there.

**Oh yes, we are going in the summer to fix my wedding according to my dad ( he would have got me married at 16 if I hadn’t have protested and stood my ground )

We shall be there for 1-2 months and I will be using that as a final basis for my decision. It all depends on whether I can live for a holiday or not.
I do think however that, my mother in law will have a problem with this idea of mine about moving back to Pakistan because obviously for her ..its all about the grass that’s greener over here.
**

1. Once you get married, you’ll be living in a separate house from your parents right? What will prevent you from applying for whatever jobs you AFTER marriage in the UK? After 1-2 years of marriage, what will prevent you and your husband from moving to a different city in the UK if you want to? Do you honestly believe your dad will literally murder you?

**This is exactly the reason why I don’t want to live here. As I am the eldest daughter and my dad hasn’t got any sons…I know that he will treat my husband as another ‘item’ to fulfil his wants and wishes which get crazier and crazier by the day.

Nothing in theory will prevent me from applying but I feel my dad will still interfere and tell my husband not to let me do this or that as my dad will feel like he has more experience in life in the UK. As we are younger than my dad, I feel we won’t be able to stand up to the pressure. Also in order to get my husband to the UK…I need to find a job first.

Nothing hopefully will prevent us from moving to another city but again I have a feeling that my dad is going to emotionally black mail my spouse into staying in the same city.
**
2) The “provided I have full freedom” is a ridiculously major assumption/hope on your part. As I said earlier, visit Pakistan and see just how much freedom women have there in general compared to the UK. In addition, you’re assuming/hoping/praying that your husband won’t listen to “things” being said to him by his mother or other family members about YOUR choices. Start paying attention to Life1 threads. Plenty of women here thought/were promised one thing by their fiancés…yet once the nikah papers were signed, suddenly all the promises went away.

**Again, if life works out in Pakistan …I won’t need to work – however if it doesn’t then I can always move back here and try this route, no?
I do plan on putting some conditions on my Nikkah papers!
**

For the record I don’t have anything against people moving to Pakistan after marriage as long as they’re doing it for the right reasons. In your case, you’re barely 20 (ie. very young). And I feel that your desire to get away from your controlling father might be clouding your judgment regarding this idea of moving to Pakistan. Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Believe it or not, it is totally possible for you to end up in a worse situation that you are in right now. So please truly evaluate your choices/decisions regarding this.

I know, that’s why I am getting lots of opinions and asking for thoughts. Its not a done thing, I will obviously think about this more.