Living in Pakistan?

[Paheli00]

Re: Living in Pakistan?

@coffeegirl

Last time was 8 years a go and it was for the summer holidays. Don’t remember much about it.

I see. So the last time you were in Pakistan…you were like 11/12. You need to go to Pakistan right now again and stay there at least 1-2 months MINIMUM. See what day-to-day life is like there for people…especially for women in the area where you will live in IF you move there.

@coffeegirl

Its not about not being able to find a job. Its about my dad’s screening process, most jobs he won’t agree to so I have to reject interviews and don’t say that I should go to them…I would be dead the next day…life is more valuable to me. The jobs that I have permission to apply to are within my local postal area and there are not a lot of vacancies. I feel if I was able to apply to more jobs within a bigger area..I would have more success. So based on that, I feel supporting myself in Pakistan shouldn’t be a big issue providing I have full freedom.

1. Once you get married, you’ll be living in a separate house from your parents right? What will prevent you from applying for whatever jobs you AFTER marriage in the UK? After 1-2 years of marriage, what will prevent you and your husband from moving to a different city in the UK if you want to? Do you honestly believe your dad will literally murder you?

2. The “provided I have full freedom” is a ridiculously major assumption/hope on your part. As I said earlier, visit Pakistan and see just how much freedom women have there in general compared to the UK. In addition, you’re assuming/hoping/praying that your husband won’t listen to “things” being said to him by his mother or other family members about YOUR choices. Start paying attention to Life1 threads. Plenty of women here thought/were promised one thing by their fiancés…yet once the nikah papers were signed, suddenly all the promises went away.

@coffeegirl

My dad has said to everyone that we will officially set stuff in stone when we come to Pakistan in the summer. My dad is very chalak. Inside he wants the match very much as my fiance’s brothers lives here and was visiting us last week..my dad in secret asked him to ask his mum to send my fiances rishta to us. His family called up and spoke about us and then my dad goes, we will decide when we come. Now why ask and then say that? Or even what is the need to do this? My mum has no clue about this and my fiance and I were bout stumped about this issue. There is no doubt that my dad wants this, I just haven’t told him that we talk …I have only told my mum.

Again, people can say whatever they want but its their actions that truly matter at the end. You yourself wrote that your dad is very chalak and even your mother can’t figure out what’s going on in his head. So please save yourself A LOT of potential heartache by waiting until your father actually makes this engagement official before you start planning/dreaming about your married life.

For the record I don’t have anything against people moving to Pakistan after marriage as long as they’re doing it for the right reasons. In your case, you’re barely 20 (ie. very young). And I feel that your desire to get away from your controlling father might be clouding your judgment regarding this idea of moving to Pakistan. Remember that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Believe it or not, it is totally possible for you to end up in a worse situation that you are in right now. So please truly evaluate your choices/decisions regarding this.