Lets say you are surrounded by careless, self-centered & irresponsible people, how would you live under one roof with such people? Don’t you think that will be difficult to even survive & will not be good for your mental & emotional health? Lets say there is no way out & you have tried everything yourself including talking some sense in their minds but nothing worked since they have their priorties all messed up. Don’t you think living around such heartless people who see you cry & don’t give a damn & are not bothered will drive you insane one day? What you guys would do if surrounded by such people?
Re: Living in difficult people
I’d just move out lol.
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she just said that there’s no way out.
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Where do you live? Why is there no way out? Being forced to live with people that make you unhappy is abuse.
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its not good for ur mental and subsequently physical health. If moving out by yourself isnt an option, maybe you can leave by getting married or maybe u can live with a different relative or with a friend?
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Yeah she thought that too that marriage is the only legitimate way out but since they are irresponsible they are not marrying her too even though she said directly that they should find someone for her.
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If she lives in America then she isn’t forced to live with an abusive family, marriage isn’t a solution.
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See thats the thing, she is not in America. But lets say if she was in America then I don’t think its easy for a desi girl to move out & live without family.
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Why is it not easy? If you can work, making rent isn’t too difficult. The only thing that could stop are the social consequences, but if she get over that hang up then nothing can stop her. Heck she even get a restraining order so they can leave her alone.
Re: Living in difficult people
If a girl is living in a situation with people who don’t care about her physical or emotional well-being, then it will be very hard for her to move out. Even white, black, Mexican etc. girls in these situations have a VERY hard time.
In America, the only thing that can prevent a girl (ANY girl - being desi doesn’t matter) from moving out and living independently is herself. It’s not difficult to get a job (ANY job) to earn enough money to pay rent/bills. I moved out right after college so I speak from experience. Parents and others may not be happy and will give lots of taanay, but that happens no matter what you do. For someone living in the situation your described, life is not easy even living in that situation. At least if they move out, they have control and can choose to surround themselves with people who will support them emotionally.
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How old is this person? Even if she’s not in America, what exactly prevents her from moving out? Is she done with school? Does she have a job? Does she have any friends or extended family members who can help her with a temporary place to stay? Are there organizations in her city that can help her find resources for low-cost living etc.?
If the people she’s living with don’t give a damn about her…then the question becomes does she give a damn about herself? And if she answer is “yes, she gives a damn about herself”, then she needs to decide what SHE is going to do to improve her own life.
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If she lives in Pakistan then she’s screwed. Marriage is the only way out over there.
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Well they didn’t equip her with worldly education much & whatever she did was a struggle for her too. They invested all the money in her brothers as they thought she will end up being a housewife & then they didn’t even marry her. She never worked for some reason. Well she wasn’t even allowed to go outside alone without a babysitter so at one point she took a stand for herself & then she started going outside as she thought she was going insane living in a cage with no social life. That helped her but she is still surrounded by that family of hers which is a torture in itself for her. I think she lived all her like scared, in fear & under pressure given the people she is surrounded by.
Sad I know. 
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Wow, what kind of parents would allow that to happen? That was sad to read. If she is able to go out and enrolling in school is not an option, maybe she can acess knowledge from a public library in whatever interests her and try to find a job that way? This way she will gain more understanding of the world and make new friends. I am not sure if there is any other option at the moment.
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I’ve been there and yes, it took a toll on my well-being. I went into deep depression and lost hope. I stopped believing in myself and stopped fighting for my rights and happiness. I stopped caring and just wanted to stop existing. While to others, my situation was minor (Alhamdulillah, no physical abuse) but I was going through the suffocation alone, without help, without friends, without hope. Maybe someone’s prayer of my well-being were answered and some of it was my own struggle to move forward, now I’m doing better; still a lot to work on, but gone are the days of sleeping 24/7.
Encourage your friend to be proactive. If she’s got a skill or talent in making things she can start selling and earn an income, even if she’s home-bound. Remind her of the blessings she has and tell her to remain hopeful. She is her own backbone, she will have to walk alone to get what she wants. Change can be uncomfortable and scary, but nothing is gonna happen if she doesn’t start with herself.
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Unfortunately this is more common than people would like to believe. I have had similar experiences. If the family isnt looking for a marriage partner, tell her to look for one herself online. Also, she can look into working from home like tailoring/stitching or make money online via translating. I can imagine her confidence must be at an all time low right now but she needs to take the steps to change her situation, no one else will care enough to do it for her .
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I think she is in deep depression too. Whenever I talk to her she just burst into tears every minute, now from this I can assume what state of mind she is in right now. She is giving tuitions to kids from home so there is that. As far as looking someone on her own is concerned, she says she can’t as she never got exposure her whole life then how can she & its her parents responsibility to look for her. Then she says how she is way behind this whole world in terms of education,career, job etc then who will like her & marry her. She has got this inferiority complex, thanks to her family. Now given her age, her confidence level & her mental state, I don’t think she would be able to start from scratch. She doesn’t even take care of herself, she says her mind is so occupied with problems that she can’t think of anthing else. I think she has lived so long in this abnormal situation that reaching out for normal is way too difficult for her.
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I really do think thats the only solution for her. One week of living in normal people, surrounded by loved ones who have her best interest at heart will change everything for her. She needs to be away from such negative people & negative environment & thats her only way out I think.