Living in a joint family in North America

[RaniPakistani]

Re: Living in a joint family in North America

@mizsani

OMG!! I am having the sameeee issueeee…
except my fiance is the youngest and he is a mommy’s boy and doesnt wnana leave his mom.
I want to live in a joint system cuz of teh support.. but my MIl is already getting on my case about other stuff.. like wearing nailpolish or bindia or dressing up… etc. so now I really do not wnat to stay with her. Plus, my mom always keeps saying tht I will not be able to survive with my MIL cuz she is soooo conservative. I also always wanted to dress casually and have my own space.. and decorate the way I wnat to.. In my fiance’s family, all the decissions are made by his parents and I like to make my own decissions.
We had an argument about it (me and my fiance) and he agreed to get me my own place only after he can afford to pay both mortgages… which is easy because he makes pretty good money. Recently, the payment of mortgage has turned into instead paying $3000 monthly… even then I was fine… and said we would obviously split the bills and be able to afford everything… and Now, he is saying he will give me $500 to run our house and give w.e else he makes to his parents since I am the one who doesnt want to stay with his family. He said “I am leaving my family for u” during an argument and I got very upset and said “I am leaving mine too”. So he said “cuz ur a girl”… i just hateeee when ppl are sexist.
But things are fine right now.. we agreed on getting our own place very close to his parents’ place and splitting the bills depending on who makes how much.. and if I am going to school or have kids then he will pay all the bills Inshallah everything will be ok.

Just make sure u guys decide all of this ahead of time.. because u both do not want to be disappointed later… Also, u guys could get a place right next to his parents and create a door way between the two houses… that is what an indian family in my neighborhood did..
Another family I know… They all stay in appartments next to each other…

Yeahhh it sucks to be in this situation! And wow, paying two mortgages is tough! I have thought of that as an option but I thought it would be so difficult financially. I totally don’t mind getting a place on a same street as his family, but yeah I wonder about how doable it would be to pay the two mortgages.

Ohhhh I just saw that you live in Houston. You’re lucky, houses are sooo much more affordable there. I have family that lives there and they live in such a niceee house and it’s not that expensive! I’m in Toronto and to get a decent house it’s at LEAST 350,000…so two houses would be ridiculously expensive! Sighhh

It sucks! I’m not trying to be a complainer but my whole life I’ve had the expectation that I’d have a place of my own so this is difficult to wrap my head around.

Good luck mizsani! iA everything will work out great for you!