My hubbys family is in Pakistan and he is very attached to his siblings. he does go to pakistan to see them, in the past 2 years, he visited them for 6 weeks than 8 weeks.
his family does want him to settle in pakistan regardless of all the issues there. main thing that is stopping him (mainly) is earning. We both are working here but in pak to maintain a well lifestyle one needs few lakh per month and we have no source to earn that amount there. his mum pressures him alot to return whereas his dad understands financial aspect and even though he wants hubby to return, he never openly stated.
hubby does miss his parents alot and i have asked them to visit us and stay with us for as long as they can (depending on the visa and other issues) and we will fund their visit but they refused.
when i plan or think of our future, I feel very guilty. both Hubby and I have worked hard and struggled alot to achieve what we have today. for our kids future, neither both of us are not willing to sell our family home (we have very little loan) and invest in pakistan. whatever ever is happening in Pakistan(political issues, terrorism or other issues) has not affected our families directly or indirectly so my in laws dont have any concerns about situation in Pakistan.
but from hubbys perspective i feel for him. for our future and our kids future he is living away from his family. how do you guys cope with this issue if family of your spouse lives in a different country?? do you guys feel guilty about him or her not close to them? is it just me or everyone feels like this??
Re: living away from spouse’s family -a different perspective
This is my personal opinion that once married your hubby should be with you mostly and occasionally visit his parents while in the meantime trying to bring them over as well cuz ofcourse he luvs them but there shouldnt be any long distance relationship b/w spouses
Re: living away from spouse’s family -a different perspective
I am kind of going through the same thing..i understand his love for them and at the same time ask him to bring them ever. Lets see how things pan out but he does say they will get bored etc and i am not sure how keen they are to come.
I think it partly has to do with our particular culture where mostly women leave their parnets to be with hubby. Hence i dont think husbands feel guilty. Us women do though.
Re: living away from spouse’s family -a different perspective
My hubby still sometimes says that he would like to move back but he knows that I would not move there, this was discussed before we got married, anyway he has no source of income there and I know that although he goes back every year and loves his family a lot, he can’t wait to come back home by the end of his stay. He is very attached to his mum n talks to her every day. She has visited us twice in 10 years but gets bored, think its hard for older generation to come here.
He also knows halaat are not good there n it’s not safe there. Going back is not really an issue as he visits every year and most of his brothers are abroad so his family have never made an issue of it. I think if they had then it would have caused issues for us as he listen to them more. We have been twice with the kids n going again next year so they know the family. It’s not financially possible for us all to o every year so he goes, it’s his family.
We had arranged marriage . I often wonder this too.
At the time of our marriage my inlaws were nt well off. But after our marriage their financial situation changed alot and my mil has become very controling too.
We all go to pakistan. In 2013 i went with my kids for 12 weeks whereas hubby went for 8 weeks. End of 2014 we all went for 6 weeks.
We are nt going this dec as we hardly spend any holidays at our own place and we are planning to stay at home this year bt have invited them to come over.
Bt my MIL wants us to stay with them and nt visit us. they have 5 bedroom House bt we are Family of 4 and in pakistan,they are 5 members plus my married SIL is keeping her bedroom for her visits. So we are left with 1 bed room with 1.5m wardrobe for 4 of us. If i say we need more space she thinks i am creating drama. Its ok for visit bt to live we need more space bt thats issue for her too.
Hubby understands and is nt saying about moving . Bt i feel sad for him…
