Fourth Ashes Test, Headingley, day three:
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By Ben Dirs
ENGLAND SECOND INNINGS
1147 - 136-7 Johnson too straight and Swann turns him away for a single. Broad, looking to clip through mid-wicket, chips a leading edge to mid-off, where Siddle is unable to pull the ball in. Rolex timing from Swann, pushing Johnson into the covers for a couple. Short and wide from Johnson and Broad carves him to the third-man boundary.“The term ‘Die-Hards’ was actually coined in the smoke of war during the battle of Albuhera, fought on 16 May 1811, which was the bloodiest battle of the Peninsula War. It was a phrase uttered by Colonel Inglis as he lay dying in front of his men whilst fighting Johnny Frenchie. However, rest assured, my sentiments are the same, if only because my old regiment was called The Havercake Lads, which unfortunately isn’t quite so martial in tone!”
Mike, Dubai, in the TMS inbox****1142 - 125-7 Swann, expecting another bumper from Hilfenhaus, goes back before just managing to get forward in time. The England spinner squirts a single through point, before Broad goes for the hook and misses.“I’ve just seen a Tanzanian villager throwing rocks at a coconut from 30 yards. He was definitely more accurate and much prettier on the eye than Steve Harmison’s bowling. Who do you reckon who would be more accurate Benny, the Tanzanian with a rock, or the big fella throwing pies”
** Jarrad, Shane and Wayne from Tulawaka in Tanzania in the TMS inbox****1139 - 124-7** That really was a fine catch from Haddin, and Swann is the new batter. Broad has a big heave at Johnson and gets a thick inside edge for two. Broad drops into the off-side for one. Swann, inevitably, gets a couple of bumpers from Johnson to introduce him to the crease, but there’s no direction.
1129 - WICKET - Prior c Haddin b Hilfenhaus 22 (Eng 120-7)
Rauf signals a rather dainty leg-bye, and that means we have now avoided our heaviest ever home defeat, which was against West Indies at Lord’s in 1973, although this is currently our third worst two-innings aggregate. Prior squeezes Hilfenhaus off his toes for a couple, before unfurling a lovely-looking drive, but Hilfenhaus stoops and stops it. And Prior’s gone, fencing at one and Haddin taking a superb catch diving low to his right.“Justin Langer may be right, he may be wrong. I for one don’t care what Mr Langer thinks. As a long suffering England fan I do care deeply about this team and this series. Having shelled out a hundred quid for a ticket to the Oval I will go there with belief in England and belief that we can win the Ashes. There is no room for negativity. Australia are a good team but they are not the best. They will fight to the bitter end and so shall we. In the words of Lt. Col. Mitchell, 1st bt. Middlesex regiment 1915, ‘Die hard boys, die hard’.”
**Adrian in the TMS inbox1129 - 117-6 ** Prior picks up a single to point, before Broad is scythed in two by an inswinging Johnson delivery and the ball runs away for four off the inside edge. Nice stroke from Broad, freeing the arms and driving Johnson through the covers for a few.jackaryquack on 606:](http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/606/A55507926)“I have just been told by the wife to make sure I get Sunday lunch underway. It takes two hours to cook and we want to eat at 2pm. Will England oblige with a final collapse or will I face the ire of the wife”**1124 - 109-6 ** Broad and Prior exchange easy singles and Broad picks up one more with a flick off his hip. Prior edges Hilfenhaus, but he plays with soft hands and the ball falls short of Ponting at second slip. **1118 - 105-6 ** Prior flashes Johnson through the covers for four, and repeats the trick for four more. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, GGParkin, but I’m pretty sure most people that live in London are from England, and, forgive me if I’m wrong, psyches don’t just spring up overnight, they are formed over time… somewhere back in the past… England have passed the ton, they trail by 238.“Why do we pay your wages, you LARD. Keep living in the past - ‘discovered new lands… Mother…’ most people that live in London are from England are they, Lard Can teach a Monkey anything can’t you What’s the matter Ben, too much egg on your paper”
**GGParkin in the TMS inbox1114 - 96-6 ** Broad has a windy old flash outside off and is beaten, before the Notts seamer pushes straight down the ground for two. Two more for Broad with an off-drive, before he has another woosh outside off and misses. “Shoud it be St Anthony, patron saint of lost articles (‘Please, sir, can we have our wickets back’) or St Jude, patron saint of lost causes (or, if you retain any optimism, also of desperate measures)”
**Andrew Staples in the TMS inbox****1110 - 92-6 ** Johnson with a bit of width, and Prior steers him through backward-point for four. It’s absolutely rammed at Headingley, which surely is another nail in the coffin of Langer’s bizarre “English comfortableness” theory. CORRECTION: I WAS GIVEN BAD ADVICE - YOU DO NOT GET MONEY BACK IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES… "Morning, Dirsy. Last weekend, I played a game of cricket for the first time in a decade - it was supposed to be a 50 overs game, but when we were bowled out in 19.4 (I made a Bopara-esque 7) the opposition offered to turn it into a game of T20, and squeeze another one into the afternoon. What are the odds of Australia letting us play another quick two-and-a-half-dayer "
Anonymous, via text 81111 “Maybe Prior can use his ego to form some kind of defensive wall around himself and Broad - rather like Sue in Fantastic Four. But then he’d probably strain that after the third over this morning and it would fall on his wicket.”
**Andy Baul-Lewis, Muscat, Oman, via Glamorgan, in the TMS inbox ****1106 - 86-6 ** Stuart Broad steps into the bear pit, and he gets a thick inside edge into his pads.
1104 - WICKET - Anderson c Ponting b Hilfenhaus 4 (Eng 86-6)
Apparently, if it’s all over within 10 overs today, the Headingley faithful get their cash back, which is nice. Wide from Hilfenhaus, and Anderson cue-ends him to the third-man boundary. But Anderson’s gone next ball, following a ball just outside off and edging straight to Ponting at second slip.
1058: It’s a barnstorming day down in London, and it’s a ripper up in Leeds, England are toast. “English cricketers like being friendly and matey because it makes them feel comfortable,” says Langer. “In essence this is maybe the key to the whole English psyche - they love being comfortable.” Yes, that’s right Justin, comfortableness is key to the whole English psyche. Those lazy, English swines, sitting about on their fat backsides and travelling to all corners of the globe, discovering exotic lands, setting up the biggest empire in human history, getting involved in comfortable wars for the last thousand years. What’s that mother Australia is the 21st fattest country in the world Fatter than England “There’s only been one miracle in the last 2,000 years, and that was Jesus Christ,” roars Sir Boycott as the players take to the field.“So is it true that the Barmy Army have changed their name to ‘The League of St Anthony’”
Colly, Wolves via the TMS inbox
Justin Langer’s secret dossier
1047: Everyone seen Justin Langer’s “secret dossier”, leaked to the The Telegraph In it, the former Aussie opener reveals English cricketers “rarely believe in themselves” and that Matt Prior has a “massive ego”. In the next instalment, Justin exclusively reveals that Steve Harmison’s not very accurate and Andrew Flintoff’s rather injury prone. 1040: Hello. Remarkably, there are people in at Headingley. Not sure what to say really. Gina, you still think we might save this