I have learned of something this evening which has left me quite distressed and extremely angry. My 13 year old cousin approached me when her family came over tonight. She has become the victim of cyber bullying- the girl doing the bullying attends a different school but is sending my cousin messages through different ways (Instagram, KIK, etc) saying she is going to “come and bash” her and generally being a nasty little creature. Cousin does not feel she can tell her parents. Cousin has told a teacher at her school (said teacher is apparently young and straight out of uni) and this teacher told my cousin to “just ignore the messages.” I’m sorry but I don’t see this is a solution? Am I being too emotional here? My poor little cousin is visibly distressed and this dumb teacher told her to just ignore it? Cousin has now blocked the bully but this girl keeps finding ways to leave her distressed. I want to ring up this teacher myself and tell her what a crappy solution she came up with and that if SHE doesn’t ring the head master at the bully’s school and ask that the perpetrator be stopped THEN I WILL DO IT MYSELF. My cousin is the nicest and sweetest little girl ever and this is beginning to affect her school work and she is a high achiever as well. Does any parent here have experience with this type of situation? I don’t want to make it worse but I do want to help her as she obviously trusts me which is why I am the only family member to know. What is the best way to deal with this? Thanks in advance.
EDIT: can I also add..that there are two reasons why cousin’s parents are not aware of the situation. Firstly, she actually isn’t allowed to have Instagram , KIK etc but had it anyway. Her parents are quite strict about that so she would be in trouble if she told them. Secondly, even if they knew - they are a bit older (in their 40s) and I don’t think they would appreciate how damaging cyber bullying can be and would also just say “ignore it.” How can you ignore something like this?
I would first make copies/keep a record of all instances. Instead of going to the head master of the bully’s school, I would go directly to her parents. If your cousin knows her full name or can get her number, you should call her parents and ‘threaten’ them. By that I mean, tell them what has been going on, tell them you can show them proof of the bullying and if they do not stop their daughter, you will be forced to file a police report against their daughter. That should scare the pants off them. They most likely do not want to involve the police and probably don’t know what their daughter is up to. I really hope you can resolve this for your cousin. Bullying is so crushing to ones self-esteem and confidence.
The first thing that I would do is make her come clean with her parents. Your cousin has obviously gotten herself into a situation that may not have escalated this far had she followed the rules her parents had set out for her. She needs to learn that she can expect protection when she herself is willing to abide by the guidelines that her parents lay down.
Before engaging with the bully and/or her parents I would first exhaust the proper chain. Meet with your cousin’s teacher and principal. Let them know that you expect immediate action and a resolution that does not have further repercussions on the victim.
Of course document everything and be prepared to take the matter to local authorities if needed. Again…it will be mandatory for the parents to know what’s going on before things go that far…
I 100% agree with Muzna, not telling the parents now might cause additional issue later on. You might be able to do much since you are neither her parent or a legal guardian.
Talking and yelling at the teacher isn’t going to do much good. Her advice was what she thought was the best option…you not agreeing with it is not get problem.
The reason I didn’t suggest talking to the teacher or headmaster is that both these girls attend different schools. I don’t think a teacher or principal from her cousins school has any authority at another school.
But yes, you should involve her parents as well. She may get in a little trouble, but it’s better to have their support.
I don’t know how you can talk to any school officials without involving parents. Her parents needs to know and they need to now support and help their daughter.
Keep a record of all the messages and threatening things and go to the police some sort of authority that can help put an end to this. Bullying whether cyber or physical is not good and can lead to all sorts of problems in the future (god forbid this happens to your cousin) such as low self esteem issues, mental issues and or suicide in certain cases. Not trying to scare you but this does happen. And yes telling your cousin to ‘ignore it’ in a sense is a good thing (to a certain extent) because her retaliating will just make things worse BUT do not let it get to the position where it is too far gone. Lastly, tell your cousin to delete these sites or just simply to block them.
Also, you should mention this to her parents so that she has someone who knows about it all and can offer her a shoulder to cry on but most importantly, they should know so that they can take some sort of action they seem fitting. Also if i were you, I’d sit down with her parents and make them understand the problem and ‘not to ignore it’ as you stated that they would say.
If you are so keen and fired up on getting your cousin immediate help, why are you taking the lamba chaura route of informing the headmaster of the girl’s school? Just inform your cousin’s parents. Your example will teach your cousin the importance of trusting her parents and communicating with them. Have the parents print out the online messages and visit this bully’s home with a cop. That is far more scarier than reaching out to her principal or headmaster. Some
Principals don’t deal with off-campus/off-hours incidents.
Also, what exactly did your cousin tell her teacher? If she didn’t go into detail and only said something vague like “a girl is bugging me online”…I’m not too surprised that the teacher said to ignore it. Perhaps the teacher thought it was a spat between friends that would die off if your cousin stopped responding. The advice to “ignore it” is actually a common one and is given with the belief that if you stop giving the offender the satisfaction of your attention, they will eventually tire of the silence and leave you alone. Now if your cousin had told the teacher in detail that she’s receiving threats of being “bashed up,” then the teacher should have contacted her parents about this. But if the teacher didn’t have a full understanding, then ease up on the negativity toward her.
your cousin is 13, you should make her understand that it doesn’t matter what other people say … i am pretty sure the girl bullying your cousin won’t be the last in her life. Have parents involved