One of my friend does not love her husband anymore.. while her husband loves her but he is sorta Nadan dost type … She , my friend, is sick of her husband even she does not want to talk to him…
She has kids thats why she is with him unless her kids would not get married.
When she talks to anyone about this issue her well wisher says " ye dunya aik imtiahan hay sabr karo… " She is very talented ,smart ,goodlooking and brainy.
When she got married ,arrange marriage,with her husband she loved him too…but as the time goes by love gone… becoz her husband abused her sharafat ,sabr , and masoomiyat.
She is really sweet and innocent , is far away from burayan ( backbiting,making fun of others ans so on)… very sincere to everyone.
What she is supposed to do at this point ?? She feels isolated ,she keeps herself busy in some other stuff…but sometimes she is distress.
So no love at all? What so ever, even if there is just a little you can work it out? Does he treat her bad? And when you say he loves her, is that the desi pindo husband love or real love?
Has he changed? Or has she changed? The reason i'm asking is becuase, usually couples grow together, but maybe they didn't?
One of my friend does not love her husband anymore.. while her husband loves her but he is sorta Nadan dost type .... She , my friend, is sick of her husband even she does not want to talk to him....
She has kids thats why she is with him unless her kids would not get married.
When she talks to anyone about this issue her well wisher says " ye dunya aik imtiahan hay sabr karo.... " She is very talented ,smart ,goodlooking and brainy.
When she got married ,arrange marriage,with her husband she loved him too...but as the time goes by love gone.... becoz her husband abused her sharafat ,sabr , and masoomiyat.
She is really sweet and innocent , is far away from burayan ( backbiting,making fun of others ans so on)... very sincere to everyone.
What she is supposed to do at this point ?? She feels isolated ,she keeps herself busy in some other stuff...but sometimes she is distress.
Hi Stylical,
How can this guy be a "Nadaan dost type" and abuse her sharafat/sabar/masoomiyat at the the same time? It's hard to mesh the "dost" type image with that of an abuser. It is like a contradiction.
Ther are phases in relationships. Sometimes the passion is there and other times you have to work to rekindle the spark. And communication especially is important. Has your friend communicated to her husband about the concerns that she has about him? Has she talked to him about his abusing of sharafat/sabr/masoomiyat? Is he disrespecting her in some way? If so, she needs to talk to him about it.
You said that your friend's husband loves her a lot. Well, that's a good thing. Perhaps they need to take a break and reconnect. Take a vacation, spend time alone together, suprise each other with kind romatic gestures, etc. Has she tried this?
So no love at all? What so ever, even if there is just a little you can work it out? Does he treat her bad? And when you say he loves her, is that the desi pindo husband love or real love?
Has he changed? Or has she changed? The reason i'm asking is becuase, usually couples grow together, but maybe they didn't?
her husband is very short temper , has no patience ,
He appreciate everything she does ,and really convinced by her but he would never confess , never says a kind word to her.
In social circle he is know as well behaved and thoughtful and sincere while he is not in real...
he is talkative ,laugh at cheap jokes , make fun of others.
He loves her wife bcoz she is ideal wife,you know masoom ,khamoosh aur sabr kernay wali , but husband is not ideal for her coz he is arrogent , and have low mentallity. even kay wo aik job bhi kerta hay to uska ehsan jitata rehta hay..
and make her wife feel like she is looser as she is jobless even after having a BE degree in Information system.
He is not changed .... her wife tried harder to change him ,but he thinks he is perfect... always.
How can this guy be a "Nadaan dost type" and abuse her sharafat/sabar/masoomiyat at the the same time? It's hard to mesh the "dost" type image with that of an abuser. It is like a contradiction.
Ther are phases in relationships. Sometimes the passion is there and other times you have to work to rekindle the spark. And communication especially is important. Has your friend communicated to her husband about the concerns that she has about him? Has she talked to him about his abusing of sharafat/sabr/masoomiyat? Is he disrespecting her in some way? If so, she needs to talk to him about it.
You said that your friend's husband loves her a lot. Well, that's a good thing. Perhaps they need to take a break and reconnect. Take a vacation, spend time alone together, suprise each other with kind romatic gestures, etc. Has she tried this?
Nadan dost mean , there is love but no care...
My friend always believe in communication to solve any issue .... she did several times ...but it never worked ..... As you said to take a break ,she has tried everything but nothing worked....
you know a very strange thing.. her husband never gave her a surprise gift ever ... while my friend gave him gift always at his marriage anniversary .. She does not have any complaining nature thats why husband is comfortable to live with her.
Nadan dost mean , there is love but no care...
My friend always believe in communication to solve any issue .... she did several times ...but it never worked ..... As you said to take a break ,she has tried everything but nothing worked....
you know a very strange thing.. her husband never gave her a surprise gift ever ... while my friend gave him gift always at his marriage anniversary .. She does not have any complaining nature thats why husband is comfortable to live with her.
love but no care? If there is no care then there is no love. Because caring and respect are the foundation of love.
There are many men who are not good with surprising and giving gifts. Surprise karna alag baat hai aur gift dena alag baat hai. Has he ever given your friend a gift........bayshak surprise kar k na diya ho......lekin kya us ne kabhi friend ko gift diya hai?
Some men need hints about what gift you want. Has she tried that? Maybe she needs to give him a chance to miss her. Maybe she should dress nicely, go out, keep herself busy and confident, not pay too much attention to him.......and then he might notice her. Perhaps the way tha she is communicating her problems with him is not working. Does he have any issues with her that are causing him to display a lack of caring toward her?
Life without love is very hard to live. Im sorry your friend is going through this and wish her all the best in her marriage. Hopefully, they can rekindle their love and be even stronger.
In the event they dont...your friend may just want to sit down and think about what she wants out of her life. It all depends and varies for each one of us:
Some of us are passionate and need love to live and thrive...they need excitement. For these people, its hard to live a simply content life...they need challenges and even obstacles to keep them together.
Some of us are content and dont require displays of affection to feel secure in a relationship. They are happy with a quiet life, roof over their head and food in their stomach.
She has to find out what she wants and if she can compromise with life and live like this. If she cannot, the answer is pretty obvious. If she can...I wish her luck.
.... becoz her husband abused her sharafat ,sabr , and masoomiyat.
ok i m sorry but i just dunt get this part. how exactly did he abuse your friend'ssharafat and masoomiyat. what does this mean?
i know what it feels like whenit feels likethere is no more love left. it feels like life is unfair nd it can b real downer but ..itmight be jus t a phase Or iF not then u need to do other stuff in ur life..give importance to other ppl in ur life too not just HiM..like ur parents, siblings, friends..kidz if u hv nny. doother stuff..join a club..do prt tm job go bck tu school, volunteer in an organization which interests u. so that u have something else to d oin ur life something other to think aboutnot just about him nd his abuses.
try it it will work. when u get busy u wont even have time to mind his non chalant bhvr. try not to focus on OnlY his negaive bhvr, think of nice things he does or has done 4 u in past also, kay?
Lady needs to gather her strength and sit down with husband - TELL HIM EXACTLY HOW SHE FEELS AND TELL HIM SHE HAS OPTIONS. This may kick husbands ass into gear and make him sit up n pay attention. If he feels she is going to stay with him and accept his behaviour no matter what, he won't change.
One of her options should be to kick him out of the house BUT keep paying maintenance for the kids and the house. That should make him think.
I wonder how far she has really gone in trying to make herself heard or understood? I do not advocate seperating from someone over the lack of gifts, but giving a gift is like showing your appreciation of someone. He needs to start showing appreciation, then may be she will start to care about him again.
She should tell him that she does not feel valued, he is demeaning etc, and it is making her feel as if she doesn't love him.
To me things are not that bad as they seem to you and to your friend. Your post is full of contradictions which is confusing me a lot.
He is a nadaan dost and loves her but he does not care about her abuses her.
She is kind and sincere has sharafat a, sabr and masoomyat. If she has all those qualities then why is she complaining about her husband to strangers and why does she not keep ghar key baat ghar main.
If he does not use bad language against her , if he does not beat her up , if he buys gifts for her, if he is taking care of her needs , where is the abuse in this behavior ? It all means that he is a good husband and should be cherished. It is not her business how he conducts himself with his friends and others , if he is talkative and arrogant how does it hurt her ?
May be she is living in the world of dreams and illusions and still looking for her khwaboon ka shezada and realized very late in life that this guy is not exactly what she was looking for. But at the end of the day none of us is perfect , so what , if is reality of life.
She should be thankful to Allah for a loving and caring husband.
To me seem like she has many nadaan dost who are filling her head with all the negativity towards her husband and her happily married life.
Please think about what I said and tell her the same. I am yours and her well wisher that is why I am so blunt and I could not be diplomatic about it all.
My intentions is not to insult or hurt you . I do not know you , I do not know your friend , I do not know your friend’s husband either. I am telling you as I see it all.
i agree with Mirch. If shes patient and has lived all those yrs for kids wats the prob now. we all face habits of our partners we don't like. same they tolerate so many of our shortcomings we don't even realize we hav them. this is life n this is relationship. give n take n tolerate n let go at times.
i'm having a feeling k kahin she hasn't developed hatered against her husband jahan banday kii her baat se chir hot hai. wo hansay tu bura lagta hai. khamosh ho tu bhi zeher lagta hai. meaningless batain extremely important lagti hain.
if thats the case she should right away talk to a counseller. also l see if by mutual understanding they can separate for few months. ,may be that will bring her to some realization.
Perhaps if they talk to each other and try to be at least friends again, that could help them. If there is no love, there can be at least respect and sincere friendship for each other, people can live with that in a marriage. But if he really is that terrible, then it becomes very difficult. Husbands often say, they love their wife, but perhaps they don't know what love really is.
It's better to be lonely on your own, than being lonely while you are with other people. That's my opinion anyway, but it's different for everyone.
let me explaind what exactly mean by abusing sharafat,masoomiyat and sabr........
Wife does not expect anything in return from her husband ok... but that does not necessairly mean it should not be returned........ if someone is not saying or complaining of anything that is sharafat masoomiayat and sabar...but the other person should return all those if he does not then he is abusing ... The things that should be returned are love , care , and trust....
few years back her husband accused her of being charachtereless , as if she had relation with somone, while this was not true ..... wife tried to clear everything to him ,,,but husband did not belive her and made the situation terrible...... he kept fighting for years for that fake reason..... wife got a nervous break down and have a serious illness that changed her life for ever....
Now she has recovered from her disease she is back to life ... but this thing irritates her always that she is not as normal due to her husband. Her husband is nice to her and care of her in normal situation... but nadan dost nay apna kaam ker dikhaya....
Now lets talk about care.... Whenever wife have a trouble time in her life her husband was away from her...... or if by chance he is there then he made the situation worst by accusing her wife of everything happen wrong.
Recently she has a car accident .... she never dared to call her husband as he gets mad on her for everything...... Once she had a minor trafic voilation and when she called her husband at home as he gets up late in noon, he refuse to come at location and said I am sleeping manage it by ufself...
Wife was always there when her husband needed her and made every situation easy to him..... but whenever it was husband turn he made situation tougher...
She has forgiving nature also... but after a certain period of time she does not feel any love for her husband...
@Mirch
she does not live in dreams and not looking for any shazada while some shazaday are still available for her......hahaha but she is not that kind of girl.....
and when you said " gher ki baat gher may rahay " ...... sounds very funny...hahaha
she never disscuss these issues with anyone .... but her bad luck that her mother also had the similar situation and died in her very young age..... so do you want her to be syco or see her dieing .... you are killer .. don't you ???
im sorry ur frd is going through all this mess..
my husband is also very short temper.....he yells at me for lil things (even in front of his parents & siblings). i feeel very depressed sometimes...cant share my feelings with my family because i wont want to upset them...since i had a love marriage....but he has really changed. I am finishing up my bachelor’s rite now...so he often tellls me im am uneducated bla bla bla....reallly harsh things...however i dont have any kids as of now...I understand since ur frd has a child it might be hard for her to just get rid of her husband...tell her to look for a job and make herself bz in her own life...dats all i can say
few years back her husband accused her of being charachtereless , as if she had relation with somone, while this was not true ..... wife tried to clear everything to him ,,,but husband did not belive her and made the situation terrible...... he kept fighting for years for that fake reason..... wife got a nervous break down and have a serious illness that changed her life for ever....
yes, now u r right as well as ur friend... she deserves for a separation no doubt, otherwise she can die after another nervous breakdown...
so separation is far better than sticking with that idiot... atleast she will b alive for her kids, no matter at the home of her parents!
I really don't know how strong she is, but she is choosing to live the life she has. I think they need some sort of a separation, time apart so he understands that there is nothing better then her in this world. If she does not make a bold move, she will always be a victim!
