I have just read Mehnaz’s blog about her dad passing away and it made me realise even more that life really is too short for all the bickering, arguments and fights that we keep having with our loved ones.
I am crying as i write this as i just feel like we dont have much time in this world anymore. I am scared for my parents, bro and sis and my husband. I keep making dua for them to keep them safe Inshallah in whatever they do and wherever they go. I guess thats all i can do.
I have been feeling rather krap lately. My inlawss have said truely terrible stuff to me and it was rather hurtful. Been married for 3 years now Alhumdullilah. It was very very hard for me in the beginning as i used to bash my head against the wall and cry like hell but now im immune to it. I just feel sorry for myself that i am having to endure this. Its only cuz of i am stuck in the middle of this. My husband is at work so as i am at home on my days off with them, i have to bear their mean attitude.
On the other hand, i havent spoken to my father for about 2 months now. Whenever i ring home and he picks up, he passed it to my mum. Why? You know sometimes, the relationship father and sons sometimes have. Father wants his son to do this and that and son will do as much as he can. My father starting picking on my bro and i told him to back off. When dad is angry, he can say mean things. He even said that my bro should move out the house. I had a go at father telling him to stop saying all this stuff to him. How can he say all this to his OWN son? Life is too short. I even texted him..and i got a mean reply back. It made me upset and since then he has stopped talking to me.
I feel so sorry for my brother. He has just started a new job and Alhumdullilah he is happy but he must be feeling rather sad inside. I dont know what i can do for him.
Life is too short and i need to convey this to my dad. But i dont know how? He is a very stubborn guy. I want them to become close - ok it might not be possible but atleast sit down together like father and son and atleast talk casually.
I dont care about myself on how im feeling as i feel numb inside but i want to make the situation better. My mum is helpless…she doesnt say any negative things back to my bro and sis as she knows how it affects one mentally. Alhumdullilah, life is good. Bro and sis are doing well in studies and job mashallah but still there should be that love between dad and son. He should be able to say “I love my dad” to his friends…
Will he ever say that or am i just deluding myself? What can i do?
Re: Life is too short...
I'm sorry to hear about the things in your life that aren't going perfect. It's sad how we get so wrapped up within our own little worlds that we fail to see the bigger pictures. I agree - Life is too short --- but only for people who know it's value or at least realize it at some point. I can understand how you fear for your loved ones' health, happiness and success. You pray -- that's good. Praying always helps with peace of heart.
Some parents are tough. They are that way by nature. And it's hard for the children to accpet or even understand that as they grow older. I can understand it's hard when parents become unreasonable -- and they do. Sooner or later, all parents become unreasonable in one way or another. I appreciate that you feel for your siblings. You have a somewhat motherly affection for them... that's both admirable and wonderful. If you want to make things right with your father, talk to your brother. Tell him how you feel then both of you should go to your father together. Walk up to him, hug him and don't let go until he breaks. Become the little children your father raised... hang on to him, tug at him.... He will never angrily push you away.. He'll probably resist but give in. Don't waste another minute. You owe it to your parents to do this for them. Even though your father's a tough man, it must kill him inside that he isn't on good terms with his child. You must take the first step. And even your mother. She must be so unhappy in her heart knowing all this is going on.
And remember, like you said, life is too short. Always keep your last words to your loved ones, sweet and loving.... they just might be the last words you ever say to them.
Inshallah Allah will give all of you peace and happiness, both within yourselves and towards each other. Don't cry.. Just take a deep breath and remember, Allah loves you. HE is your friend -- and hey, it never hurts to have friends in high places! :)
Thanks UP for your words of encouragement. Helped me alot!
The thing is that our parents have bought us up with not too much attachment or closeness. Its only emotionally. For example, when i go to my parents with hubby, i give a light kiss and a hug to my parents and that is it. We have never hugged for a long time as parents do with their children or sat with them on the sofa with our heads resting on their laps etc...that attachment that some kids have with their parents is not that strong.
You might think thats sad but i think its good. Mere fact being that all of us have to go Allah Tallah one day. I pray that Allah give my parents long and healthy life but when they do go, they want us to remain strong - mentally and physically! They dont want us to be crying over them for a long long time.
I yearn for that moment when i can hold them tight...but ive become acustommed(sp) to the fact that i cant.
Bro is slightly stubborn too now...he will jst tell me to get lost if i suggested both of us go and talk to him. Im thinking of writing dad a letter explaining all these facts...maybe that will help?
Im thinking of writing dad a letter explaining all these facts...maybe that will help?
That seems to be right idea. Please keep us posted. I witnessed similar situation as your once and it is life so there is no guarantee that I might not have to face/deal with this kind of situation again. So I am curious to know what happens after you write a letter to your father.
You are right Sunset, life is too short. And what Ive learned is that the ones we love are taken from us too soon. Once we realize this, then we are able to live our life better, because we will know not to waste time, not to waste chances. Today we may have the chance to tell someone that we love them and that we appreciate everything they have done for us, and tomorrow we may only be able to cry such thoughts into our dreams at night
And at the end of the day, we can only control our own actions. You cant make your inlaws treat you kindly, but you can treat them kindly. You cant make your father reach out to you, but you can reach out to him. Allah himself in the Quran tells us about the importance of keeping good family relations, especially with parents. We could never never understand all what our parents have done for us. So whatever good you to for them, Allah will reward you. If its hard at first, keep at it, Allah will make it easier for you and bless you more for your struggles
If he doesnt talk on the phone with you, write him a letter. Send him a parcel in the mail with a gift. Continue to always make dua for him. I pray that his attitude will change and soften, but even if it doesnt, please dont give up. How many people in this world would give everything they have just to have one more day with their mother and father. I know in his heart he loves you, you are his child, you are still his baby. It may take time but please do whatever you can to reach out to him and to always let him know that you love him and appreciate him
Same for your inlaws. Continue to repay whatever they say and do with goodness. I know its easier said than done. Its hurtful and it makes you cry. But you are strong inside and need to draw from that strength to be a bigger person always, no matter what life throws at you. You are happy in your marriage, that itself is a huge blessing. Keep making dua and doing your best, inshallah Allah will make it easier for you
May Allah always keep your family together and close and fill your hearts with love and compassion for each other always, Ameen
hugs
Priorities change once a family member is sick..I used to be very sloppy and careless before Ami ji got sick. It's the entire family that suffers...everthing is planned according to her...the days where she doesn't go for dialysis..places she can eat at etc etc the entire. Right now it's all about her.. the best u can do for any family member that's sick is recite Surah Yaseen often for them.. and set-aside whatever u can and give them maximum time.
Re: Life is too short...
writing a letter is fine, I used to be very close with my dad as a kid and then in highschool it got bad, there were some other issues so early days of uni we did not have the closeness, mostly my fault really, I was not doing so well in school, he wanted to know what was going on and I was stonewalling, etc, anyways I sorted myself out, wrote him a eltter explaining, apologizing, and just requesting that we move beyond my punkheadedness of the previous few years.
It was one of the best things I ever did, he never brought up the letter and niether did I, we just moved on. I have wonderful terms with him since then. We are very close.
Re: Life is too short...
your right Sun_set life is too short,, i lost my little Brother a few years back in a Car Accident,it all happened soo quick tht u dont even have time to think is this all for reall? this is happening to me? there was soo much tht i wanted to say to him we all did but it was too late..
My parents really closed off. and to put a long story short was a very hard time for all my family to cope with.. especially my parents and everyone has their own way of coping. you would think that it would of brang my family close but it made them more apart, when i think back now i hate thinking about that time in my life. Allahumdulillah things are better and getting better. but i learnt one thing for sure Life truely is short.
Sometimes we sit back and evaluate our lifes and compare our life to others, and think "why our life is the way". Bad things happen and we think that it's just us who get's this bad luck.until some thing worse happen's and we think "well thing's wearnt so bad then"
life plays some funny games with us. we take every thing for granted. until it's too late. heard of the saying "you dont know what you got till's it's gone" soo true....
All families have problems but the key is to work it out as one. the worst is Stuborn people (i knw coz i am one of them) but we all need reminding of a few things now and agian. parent's say thing but they dont mean them. they dont want there children taking up wrong paths in life and try to force them in to their ways which isnt the right way. if any thing they are pushing there children more far away. Sun_set he is your Dad. so you gotta tlk to him, and sort it out coz the longer you leave it the harder it will be to reunite.
We only get one Family so we should keep them close to our Hearts:)
InshAllah Hope things work out for you :)
^ sorry =(
Re: Life is too short...
^^:)
thing;s happen.... and we should learn from them.
^^:)
thing;s happen.... and we should learn from them.
So very true. Its very easy to ask 'why me' - In fact, i think its necessary, one of lifes processes that we must experience.
I remember being told that my mothers death was a 'test' and I had no idea what that meant, to an extent I still dont, as why on earth would God want to test me by taking my mother. I prefer to think of it as a message, something we need to learn from.
And life being life is full of messages, accepting their existance is the first step, everything else follows suit.
So guys, i wrote a 2 page letter to my dad yesterday and posted it today. I wrote exactly what was in my heart. I hope he doesnt mind. I pray to Allah Tallah that everything is ok. Its not nice when someone you love is not talking to you. Anyway, lets see what happens.
Mirch Bhai - Will inform you. Please keep me in ur prayers.
Midnights - thank you for your lovely message yet again. Ameen to all your duas. Really helped reading your msg. Re inlaws, i can only try. Before i used have some sympathy that they are old but now i dont have any love for them at all. That doesnt mean that im not there for them but i dont have that relationship with them anymore.
X2 - i am really happy that mashallah things are ok with you and your father. my bro is slightly stubborn and i doubt he will write a letter but now that i have written one to my dad, lets see how things go from there.
Colourful eyes - i am so so sorry to hear about your bro. It must be so hard for you but I pray to Allah Tallah that his sins are forgiven and he is granted a place in Jannat - Ameen. I hope you are ok. That is why i talk to them regularly or even drop them a text - pointing out how much i am missing them.
Milly - sorry to hear about your mum. Losing a parent must be awful - thats why you should have good relationships with them cuz you dont know whats round the corner. Always pray for your loved ones.
Thanks guys!
Re: Life is too short...
^Summa Ameen..
how are things with and ur dad now?