Hi everyone!
Well its been a month that i’ve delivered my baby and i’ve seen some changings in our(husband/wife) relation…
ofcourse because of baby we r sleep deprived,stressed etc thats normal…
i wait for the weekends to spend sometime with my hubby (like taking dinner together or going out for an hour)but he is going out with his friends and i have to be all alone with baby on weekends also,he is Alhumdulillah always ready to help us(me and baby) whatever we need he brings but when it comes to going out with me…i think he is taking it as a duty also…
i dont know why i get upset when i am alone with my baby on weekends…
i’m not complaining about my husband just wanted to ask you all that is it normal?or i’m getting too jazbaati…
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
not been in this situation myself but i have seen it happen. as you said, you are both tired, stressed etc. he probably feels he can relax a bit more with his friends. anything he does with you will involve baby i guess! or if you leave it with someone, you'll be worrying the whole time.
one of my relatives, had his first baby about two years ago. it was quite funny. they were both very involved with caring for the baby and would take turns to let the other person go out with his/her friends while the other took care of the baby. i don't think they were spending much time together at that point!
i'm sure you will get some good suggestions from others. i say just try to enjoy your time with the little one, things between you and your husband will get back on track and things settle down i'm sure.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
Reminds me of one cold winter night I decided to leave the house with my two boys (elder was 2 n half year old and younger was few 7 or 8 months old) after I gave up all the hopes of getting any help or comfort from my husband. He would go to the mosque every evening after returning from work and wouldn't come back before 2 to 3 hours, busy chatting with his friends. So I left the house with boys and when he returned he panicked...lol. He eventually found me and brought me back. But seeing him all freaked out was such a good feeling.
Another 6 months passed and one day I decided to go shopping and saw a fat and old woman and said to myself, "who's this aunty?". It took me few moments to realize I was standing in front of a mirror (mind you I was only 22 then).
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
^LOL...ninja, you liked that post?
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
its normal!
he needs to realise what a huge change this is for you. of course you are frustrated and upset at being left home alone with the baby on weekends- you're already with the baby 24/ during the week- and you miss your hubby and his company. i still miss mine and our baby is 8.5 months old mA. it takes a lot of work to keep the marriage stable and to make time for the two of you separately from your time with the baby and time as a family. we're still trying to figure out a balance.
speak to him. tell him how you feel.
i remember being so frustrated too because mine was the same way- for the first three or four months we barely went anywhere or socialised at all. mind you, i was also recovering from a c-section so initially, i couldn't go places, but when i started to get better, it took a couple of arguments, a few calmer conversations, and some trial runs before hubby understood that babies are portable and its ok to strap them into a carseat and take off. i think he was nervous at the thought of taking the baby everywhere (how will he nap? will he be ok with people holding him? etc.) and the "boria bistar" when going out, but i usually pack the diaper bag and its gotten quicker and easier as i've filtered down to the things i really need and things i don't need when out and about, and so now going out is a breeze. maybe start off by going for walks with the baby together on weekends. and then ask hubby to stay with you during the evenings so just the two of you can spend time together or all three of you can go out for dinner. maybe you compromise and he can see his friends one weekend in the month. try to work out a solution that is good for both of you.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
akmoti, life changes when you have a baby. I remember my hubby just wanted to go to his family's home with our baby that was his idea of outing. I resisted and even when he was home he would wanna be with the baby and I was too busy doing laundry, and other home chores.
It does get better once they realize that kids can be taken out, we started going out to restaurants which were kid friendly and also went out for a movie after a year (only because my parents agreed to watch Jr.) Now we don't have family so all our time is either with Jr. or me and Jr. alone.
The thing we both look forward to is a little alone time when Jr. goes to bed. Also when Jr. is sleeping I don't wake him up or let hubby wake him up when he comes home, so sometimes we get dinner just the two of us.
A piece of advice, your baby is still young pls try to make him sleep in his crib. Jr. was great but our circumstances let go of that habit and now we are suffering but we are hoping we can still get him back in his crib inshAllah so we will at least have our bed back.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
U may also feel anxious being alone with ure baby cuz its still the early days and have yet to set a routine.. Throw in being a first time parent...its always easier to have support...
Im a 2ns time mommy and i still get the jitters when husband has to work lare etc... Even though im the one that handles most of it.... Somehow i feel lost if he isnt there...
Its like the kids are terrorists :D
It getd better ss they grow older though... Hang in tjere :)
Is ure baby easy to handle or hard? Tbat can add to the stress.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
^my baby is a bit hard like he sleeps almost the whole day so i sleep with him and rest of the day cooking,laundry,cleaning etc...at night he's awake most of the time crying with colic i guess.....and m alone with him at nite as hubby has to go to office....so he sleeps in other room...even on weekends :(.....so the "akelapan" at night with the crying baby is hard for me....
i have many friends in neighbourhood but i'm allowed to visit them only when my hubby is at home....n i dont want to go anywhere when he's at home lol
automme77 and sgc....he's also same he doesnt wanna take him outside....i think he will also take time to understand our relation with our child n responsibilities towards him....
i say to him lets do grocery together or just a visit to mothercare etc and the baby will stay with our neighbours (newly married couple)as he is sleeping all day....he says ok but with a weird face lol so at the end i say ok nahi jaatay....
i'm trying my best to let him sleep in crib...no progress yet....but i want to let him sleep in crib asap
catskin....oh my god u left home?:( i hope u r doing fine now with ur kids n hubby
Life as a mom & wife!
U ladies said it all!!! I find my situation in bits and pieces in all of those posts!! And khwateen u r absolutely right kids are terrorists and catskin, I still have those aunty moments!!! Can't u all witty ladies be my neighbor??
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
I think most moms have gone through this. Your family dynamics has gone trough as major change with a new baby so it takes some time to adjust. It's harder for the guys to get use to all the attention going to the baby as well. Sometimes they feel like they are not needed so why not hang out with friends.
You should let him bond with the baby alone as well. Go to the bookstore for an hour. It will bring them closer together.
It use to annoy me when hubby used to go out and play soccer and cricket on Saturdays because I felt that he should devout all the time to the baby as I did. But when she started getting older and I was more mobile with her, it was not an issue. Now I have to push him to hang out with his friends and leave me alone for a while.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
^my baby is a bit hard like he sleeps almost the whole day so i sleep with him and rest of the day cooking,laundry,cleaning etc...at night he's awake most of the time crying with colic i guess.....and m alone with him at nite as hubby has to go to office....so he sleeps in other room...even on weekends :(.....so the "akelapan" at night with the crying baby is hard for me....
i have many friends in neighbourhood but i'm allowed to visit them only when my hubby is at home....n i dont want to go anywhere when he's at home lol
automme77 and sgc....he's also same he doesnt wanna take him outside....i think he will also take time to understand our relation with our child n responsibilities towards him.... i say to him lets do grocery together or just a visit to mothercare etc and the baby will stay with our neighbours (newly married couple)as he is sleeping all day....he says ok but with a weird face lol so at the end i say ok nahi jaatay....
i'm trying my best to let him sleep in crib...no progress yet....but i want to let him sleep in crib asap
catskin....oh my god u left home?:( i hope u r doing fine now with ur kids n hubby
your baby is still very young and personally, i wouldn't leave him with a sitter at this point, but you can definitely do all of the things you've mentioned together as a family. and i feel like right now, your hubby needs to get used to the idea of going out with the baby. so take the baby grocery shopping or to the mall or the library or for a walk. even if it means you have to stop and feed the baby and change him along the way- its fine. it just means you slow down and you take your time.
and i know you said you're now allowed to see friends unless hubby is home- see if you can change that. you, as a mom, NEED to go out and meet other moms and get some fresh air. its imperative for your sanity and mental well-being, especially in these early days before a routine is set. i was so frustrated and angry because i was home all the time with the kid initially and i would take it out on my husband who still kept his routine of going to work and meeting people and then he'd come home and be all, "we're not going anywhere with the baby! omg." OMG him, that's what :p
so see if you can find a mommy's group to join or find a baby program at the library, and even if you only go out for 15 minutes a day, it will make such a big difference for you!
khawa, YES. terrorists and bullies. lol!
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
the first thing that I would do is adjust the baby's schedule so that he is not sleeping all day.
when you have a good night's sleep and are able to stay awake during the day you will begin to feel better immediately.
this will also eliminate the issue with going out as baby will not be sleeping and can go with you.
take small steps.....
things will get back to normal.
don't worry.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
thankyou all!!! i hope time will settle everything.....
he's a month old so can i start scheduling his sleeping routine?or i should wait....since when u allhave started it for ur babies?
sgc....have lots of plans for this weekend like grocery or mall or visiting neighbour moms wanna get out of this jail...i havent bought stroller for him yet...so it can be a good bahana of going out;)
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
i don't think you can do much about his sleeping at 1 month...mine settled into his routine at around month 5. good job with your weekend plans! and get a stroller, woman. it'll help! we have a huge thread on strollers in parenting but i just recently found lots of lower price ones too that work with car seats. let me know if you need help - i'll email you some info.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
Reminds me of one cold winter night I decided to leave the house with my two boys (elder was 2 n half year old and younger was few 7 or 8 months old) after I gave up all the hopes of getting any help or comfort from my husband. He would go to the mosque every evening after returning from work and wouldn't come back before 2 to 3 hours, busy chatting with his friends. So I left the house with boys and when he returned he panicked...lol. He eventually found me and brought me back. But seeing him all freaked out was such a good feeling.
Another 6 months passed and one day I decided to go shopping and saw a fat and old woman and said to myself, "who's this aunty?". It took me few moments to realize I was standing in front of a mirror (mind you I was only 22 then).
morbidly hilarious. =\
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
don worry its ur first child things will get better after a while,then u both can enjoy parenthood together...
ur baby is a month old she needs u more,ur child will clam down as she grows,issues of not getting enough sleep will settle..u n ur husband can go outside wid ur baby and have a good time together...buy a stroller,keep necessary baby stuff wid u n enjoy....i hv a 4 month old and i enjoy taking her outside wid my husbands n kids,and she sleeps altrough it..even when there is alot of noice,specially when i take my elder kids to playland...
massage ur baby wid oliveoil she will feel relax n better,give her bath...
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
Its normal.
There are types of guys. Some who realize very early what wife is going through, some a bit late and some need a reminder every now and then. So talk to him in civilized manner (no upset or angry talk). You said he help around at home so he will hopefully realize soon.
One thing you should realize too is that husbands also go through tough time with little babies they just dont speak-up (or show it by their acts) as much as wives do. After working 8/10 hours at work where btw there are very little chances of taking even 30 min nap or resst, they mostly help at house too. I am not trying to justify his outings with friends but if that energize him, you should let it go for once a months. If there is any such activity (going out with friends etc) that can energize you, you should do that too.
u know whatever it takes to refill and get back to task.
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
^true hubby gets too tired frm office work he needs to freshen up....
n i think i should put this in my mind that the baby needs her mother more than father rite now...
sgc....sure i would love to get some help:)
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
you've got to share responsibilities in a manner that is acceptable to both hubby and wife. if you keep resentment at the back of your head, it'll come out some other time. probably when you are stressed and don't really need a fight. but hey, some of us only learn from fights. :D
Re: Life as a mom & wife!
^lolz Alhumdulillah never fought with him....1year has passed