hi to all,
I was just wondering how many people think that it is very important after marriage to have your own independence? How many people would settle for a life of staying at home and looking after kids whilst hubby works? Whilst it is important to raise a family it is equally important to not reply solely on hubby for financial support. Who thinks that having a good education and career is also equally as important as getting married and having children?
Re: Life after marriage
ami123,
to each their own, some want to work and some dont and wan to spend more time with the family.
i used to think that working is the only ultimate thing for me, now when i get so tired of doing all
chores alone and working and kid, that I know why so many femaled dont work.
but yes i think its important to have a good education prior to marriage and kids.
Re: Life after marriage
Im all for independance!!
I dont work at the moment and looking at the way me and my hubby hve decided our life a bit.. we do want kids in the next yr or so.. and after that I personally dont wana go out and work and have my baby at a daycare. However, I do plan to work and iA will get to that once I've enjoyed sitting at home being a bum and a mom iA!
Before I used to be against staying at home for myself...I figured I would just be pregnant and continue working. I conveniently forgot the fact that breastfeeding a child is very physically demanding...so it isn't just 9 months of pregnancy, you have to physically toll afterwards too. Most jobs are not very amenable to working women (maternity leave is very short here) and on top of that we don't have the family support. For example, in Pakistan it is actually easier to work in some cases--my maami went back to work after a few weeks and my mom and daadi all raised my cousins...and when the other cousins were little, the elder ones used to take care of them. Here we have none of that plus we have extra pressures. So although I prefer working (keeps me 'fresh') I can completely understand why a women may stay home. Doesn't necessarily mean she has lost her independence if she does it right.
Re: Life after marriage
I think having an education and career is extremely important because what if something were to happen to hubby, God forbid? You have to have a way to take care of your family as a back up plan and also for yourself.
However, once you have a family, career should take a back seat. If you have kids, they deserve your attention. I know its probably easier said than done but those are the years your children will remember for the rest of their lives...we all remember our childhood. I would definitely want my own money, purpose, schedule, time, routine, career, etc but I would also want to make sure the little ones were tended to and knew their mommy.
:)
Re: Life after marriage
well i mean i don't mean to veer from the topic, but how about girls that are studying to be doctors/are doctors? I'm considering going to medical school and all the aunties and everyone are super opposed to it becuase they don't feel like you can handle the housework/raising kids/etc.
Re: Life after marriage
such sexist thread!!!
I want to be a stay at home dad :halo:
told begum to become a doc and not a teacher but she does not care for my happiness one bit. what about our feelings..what about what we want 
poor men
Re: Life after marriage
i wanna stay home and play Wii or any cool computer game!!! who cares about work??
Re: Life after marriage
I love work... I was going insane on maternity leave.. I could see I was becoming a typical desi aunty. So I took charge, and got back into work.. and im loving being a mother and working at the same time.. Its hard, but i love it....
CA, I havent touched my Wii in months!!! my daughter wants to play and I cant fool her into "pretend playing" with me..
Re: Life after marriage
lahorikuri: Of course you can study and raise children. I am studying to become optician and I have a child aswell...You just need to be organised
Re: Life after marriage
being a target for comments and presupposed notions that career oriented women are not suitable for being good home makers and family servicers, it must be said that personal success may be attributed to being successfull in life in the educational and career domains, but at the end of the day, to disprove what is wrongly thought of you, you may have a better chance to do agood job at doing both and then perhaps you might feel better than others who know only to make children and live within their houses, depending on their spouses and putting up with all kinds of family tussles OR feeling good about having a reasonable family to take care of, a good spouse, a son and a daughter and good in laws as well as own siblings and parents all of whom may benefit from you being a good successful earner and also a caring head of the house hold with your spouse.
Re: Life after marriage
I know this one lady in my master's program, who got married after high school, had kids and raised them for 20 years. When the kids were in school, she finished her bachelors degree in 6 years. Now all her kids out of the house and she is finishing up her masters. I think what she has done is amazing and makes me realise life doesnt stop after having kids. Its this mentality that wants us to put off having children even when we want to.
Re: Life after marriage
Having independence means that you choose what you want to do - be that stay home with the kids or go out and have a career. Its a personal choice either way but it really doesnt have to do with independence....its the ABILITY to choose that gives you independence, kwim? If you want to have a career and hubby says no, you dont have it. And if you want to be home with babies but cannot afford to or hubby prefers the extra income, you dont have it.
I've said this so many times....marriage should be a partnership where both people have the same goals and work together to acheive them. Without this, there is no independence and really isnt a foundation for a good marriage.
Re: Life after marriage
A friend of mine got married while in high school, had kids once she graduated and took couple of classes at a time, finished her bachelors in like 6-7 years and now that her kids are old enough to leave at their grandmas, she got into dental school and inshAllah will be a dentist in 3 years! I think thats amazing. When she got out of high school everyone thought her life was over but i think shes probably better off than most of us.
I always thought that i would stop working once i was married or had kids but while i was looking for a job and staying at home, i was going crazy. I was constantly depressed. So I am not even sure how I am gonna deal with it but probably stop working for a couple of years and then get back, even though thats really hard and I will probably have to start over.
Re: Life after marriage
^ that story sounds similar to mine:)
Re: Life after marriage
my make up lady for my wedding has 4 kids - oldest 13, trained to be a doctor and just qualified, mashallah and does bridal make up! She is a busy lady!