sigh where do I start. There is so much going on inside of me.
Now that I am done with college… I dont know where to go with myself.
I want to eventually do my masters and CPA, or maybe a CA in Pakistan and settle there. But I cant decide..for the first time in my life my marriage is comming in the way of what I want. I have come to realize that if I do decide to do my masters in another country that would mean Salman picking up his life and moving with me… and thats not fair..the other option is to go with out him which I dont think I can do.. or want to do. hmmm
While I work that out… my inlaws are harping on me to come stay with them for a while (year or so). I really dont want to but Salman has done so much that if he were to ask I would have to go.
Then there is this job that I took to pay my way through school. Well, school is over and I need out! I am way over qualified and this isnt my career, so why am I still here?
Ammi and everyone else keep reminding me that I’ve been married for over 3 years now and there is no baby. Not many people know about the misscarriage so its assumed that something is wrong with Salman or myself and then there are the pity duas. Allah mian karay gai.
Fudging fools!
But to be honest… I dont want a child right now.. or maybe I do.. but I want to get another job and my pregnancies are high risk so I’ll have to take alot of time off from work and I dont want to do that at a new job. Uff! I feel like my head will burst!!!
I cant be stagnent where I am.. i’ll die! I need to be out there … with a career, finish my masters, spend time with family and have a child. There just doesnt seem to be enough time.
come on my darlings at Gupshup… make sense of this for me.
Salaam Muniya.
I or someone els can't say for you what you have to do that desicion
have you to make.
But i only can tell you that's maybe it is better do you're study first
if you want that so badly.
Coz i think a baby and study dont will work.
And i know how it feels if you dont have a baby they start with
duwains with Allah tuje beta dein coz ive been married for 6yrs
and no baby :( Anywayz but i think its better you do ur graduation first
but you have to decide coz i cant tell you.
And sorry to hear about ur mis carriage.
Option #1: Put getting pregnant on the back burner for TWO years and finish off with post graduate school.
Option #2: Put getting post graduate school inside a burner and start trying for a baby.
Going to Pakistan for studies would be a waste of time and energy. Pakistani degree kisi kaam kee nahee hogee. And going to Pakistan and getting pregnant might be easier (considering all the laod-shedding hours) but I think you would be better off staying in your normal surroundings during pregnancy.
How old are you?. How eager is Salman for a child?. One thing you should definitely do is DO NOT listen to ammi, aunty, khala, chaachee when it comes to deciding your future.
Im 24.. Salman totally ready for baby ... esp. after the miscarriage.
Me ... not sure especially after the miscarriage. If I didnt have to think of anyone else I would go for my masters in London and then worry about anything else.
But for some reason I feel like that makes me a bad person for not wanting a baby right now.
Why are you making it so complicated by introducing 'studying abroad' in the scenario. Just keep it simple and go to a grad school in your area (Rutgers?). London, Lahore, Cheechawatni... why?
well I think that u and salman bhai should sit together and discuss the matter, make a list of the advantages and disadvantages. Personally i would advise u 2 start a family within the next 18 months + do ure masters privately if u happen 2 get pregnant earlier
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
Why are you making it so complicated by introducing 'studying abroad' in the scenario. Just keep it simple and go to a grad school in your area (Rutgers?). London, Lahore, Cheechawatni... why?
[/QUOTE]
for the experience.. rutgers shmutgers... I want to live a lil enough of this safety zone.
The way I plan for my future is to ask myself where I want to be in 5-8 years time, and do accordingly.
Under a best case (realistically best case, not involving discovering a money tree) where do you see yourself and Salman in 5-8 years time, what do you see the two of you doing there, and who do you see there with you?
When you know the answers, then decide what you need to do to get there.
Here is an example. I'm 23 now and alhumdullillah in a good job where I'm very happy. In 6 years time, at age 29, I see myself working for the same company, having had a promotion, married for a couple of years to a woman with a good career, but with no kids.
Now to do that, I need to perform well and with commitment at work, working on important projects. I must manage my finances responsibly enough to develop a sound fiscal backing for a marriage. I must prove to myself that I'm ready for marriage, and I must try and manage my career such that I am in a reasonable place for a wife to have a good career.
I think you and Salman need to have a good long talk, try to be on the same page about a baby and career. See what he has to say about everything and tell him what you think and than you will come to a compromise.
Hi Muniya you dont know what you want but
maybe talking with Salman (You're Hubby innit?) will help you out
after all he is you're hubby.
I know you will find a solution ;) And i agree what Funguy said.
umm probably not..
salman is the type of person that gets me whatever I want..
meaning if I even mention the idea of studying abroad he'l lmake it his life's purpose to provide that for me.
So if I say I want something I have to be sooooo freakin careful.
I cant just run an idea by him..
Maria, U r not a super woman, relax, take a lil time to smell the roses..
first ur life wwas divided between home, school and work. No its just work and school. More time for u to spend with salman bhai and ur family. There must have been time before graduation that u must have felt that u dont get enuf time with hubby and family. Well now is ur chance. As for living with in-laws, well maybe u can salamn both can go spend time with them, (as u have said u both have had problems so if i were u, i wouldnt go alone) besides u might feel completely left out at time, instead go with ur hubby, and just have a good time there. take thign slow. Misscarriages arent easy to deal with emotionally. If u think ure ready then go for it. If ure not up for it emotionally n physically (cant put ur life on hold) then wait it out a bit. Ure young!!
First things first. Take it slow. Take some time to think of what u want and HOW MUCH do u want them. Plan life accordingly. As for masters, is it worth doing it without salman bhai support u pyshically, Like in my case, i would want my husband around to deal with the stress of exams papers n the lil here n there stressy thing i might feel ( ikno i will) i would want a hug n a reassurance like hun, u r soo gonna get an A for that.. that helps.. so think bout that.. Do u need him physically for the support or will u be fine and can handle school and a long distance marriage for a certain amount of time.
Jus take a lil breather, n plan it out. No need to rush n become frustrated. mahsallah se one goal is down.. na.. its all a part of life. U r one of the lucky ones who have unconditioanl support of parents n hubby.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
................. If I didnt have to think of anyone else I would go for my masters in London and then worry about anything else.
24 is still young to have kids...the time you have right now for studies and career etc will not come back again and beside after you have a kid you will have a whole different life altogether. It just changes everything.
24 is indeed young but u know Paki in laws say
its time to have kids now.
Anywayz think about good what you really want
Muniya. I only say 2 you if i were you i choose for the
study and career but it is up 2 you.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
Why are you making it so complicated by introducing 'studying abroad' in the scenario. Just keep it simple and go to a grad school in your area (Rutgers?). London, Lahore, Cheechawatni... why?
[/QUOTE]
I agree. Why are you making it so complicated? You have graduated, already. If you have plans to do Masters and/or CPA then go for it, where you live. Why do you want to transplant yourself for Masters? Plus you don't have to give up everything to start trying for a baby. Keep your life and try for baby. Insha Allah, when you are pregnant, then you can give up college at the right time and re-join once you are ready after the baby.
If you are looking for internship or job opportunities in accounting, then let me know. Thing is, life can be as simple as you want, or as complicated as you choose. Up to you.
