For parents: when your children were very young (i.e., just a few months or so), did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out? Was it difficult to get time to yourselves? Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours? What about those who dont have much family closeby? What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
Re: Life after children
okay let me try to answer it one question at a time
- did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out?
Nope, we waited so long to have a family that we really did not want to leave them alone to ‘go out’ … we did leave them with grandparents to run some errands, but thats it. But we are open to it in future, it was a bonding period of us with kids that we wanted to spend maximum time with them.
- Was it difficult to get time to yourselves?
Yes, especially in our case with twins, it took more time, changing, bathing, feeding etc. so it was, and is tough.
- What about those who dont have much family closeby? What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
we dont have much family nearby. The definition of time alone changes. Kids are good at restaurants so we have taken them there, we will be rejoining our gym which has baby sitting service while you workout, so we will have time alone as we workout, and then we have evenings to ourselves, they sleep between 8 and 9, we get 2-3 hours when they sleep.
As they get older, we have friends around who we can leave them with for a couple of hours if we want to go catch a movie or have a nice dinner somewhere etc.
Re: Life after children
Living in the US we weren't that fortunate to have family around. I was terribly paranoid about leaving my baby with a sitter I held on to all my appointments (docs, dental etc) til my mom visited and then I left I'd leave the kids only with her. Did we get time for ourselves?!!!!!!!!!! Have you seen that commercial for some kind of insurance when this couple is singing and dancing like a filmy couple?
and the punch line goes "Life comes at you fast" that's us!
Re: Life after children
*when your children were very young (i.e., just a few months or so), did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out?
*
No. We did not have anyone close to us with whom to leave the kids with. Our social needs were never that strong to leave the kids alone with someone. We only went to the parties where kids were invited along and skipped the kids-free parties.
*Was it difficult to get time to yourselves?
*
Depends what you consider "time for yourself". Our time for ourselves was our time together with kids.
Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours?
Yes. Only once, when we were on vacation.
What about those who dont have much family closeby?
Both of us did not have any family member close-by.
What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
Kids' slumber.
Re: Life after children
Not fortunate enough, us being in US and parents/family in Pakistan but have great friends here who would take kid as he would keep their kids busy and not bother parents (our friends) but we didn't do it, only did when going to doctor/hospital or if he asked for it.... but that didn't happen until he was 2+ years old.
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Was it difficult to get time to yourselves? Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours?
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As Fraudia said, we were not looking for "time for ourselves", when he was not with us for one of the reasons mentioned above we were worried about him, don't recall if we ever went to "dinner" without him.
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What about those who dont have much family closeby? What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
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Our friends circle is good and support each other, we didn't leave our son at any friends as we didn't want to until really necessary but we offered/hosted children of our friends for their time alone/dinner/movie etc. I think this "disapproval" comes from "relatives" if they come to know of you dropping your child for "time alone".
Re: Life after children
having a baby changes everything ........................... not just priorities but one's view about life as well. ( no one can predict anything ............ every baby have different routine & personality just like adults ....... and parent's life get shaped up accordingly )
Re: Life after children
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when your children were very young (i.e., just a few months or so), did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out?
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As a matter of fact yes we did.. but occassionally, unless it was necessary.
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Was it difficult to get time to yourselves?
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Yes.
But we feel that now our lives revolve around our kids so we dont mind. :)
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Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours?
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In our case we heard disapproval when we took our son everywhere with us.. so sometimes we'd just leave the kid home for dada daadi's sake.
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What about those who dont have much family closeby?
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I had my second child when we moved out of the joint/extended family. I enjoy each and every moment of it, though sometimes miss the luxury of someone having to take care of your child when you want some sleep or need some time for yourself. But still, I enjoy this, and take our kids out every weekend.
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What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
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We get some time alone when both our kids go to bed at night. So no pareshani about it. :)
Re: Life after children
I haven't quite cut the umbilical cord with my daughters yet. I've never had a babysitter, even grandparents to run errands. I wore a 'baby bjorn' carrier or sling and my kids went everywhere with me. Since I lived in NYC for 5 years and had no family there, my stroller and sling were my most handy items. I never at any point felt like I needed a break or wanted to get away from the kids. However there were moments when I was heavily pregnant that I needed to rest and my husband was a great help. I also had my mother or mil come and stay with us from time to time.
I try to keep a pretty routine schedule for them. That means in bed by 8-8:30. That allows my husband and I some alone time.
Re: Life after children
Like most of the parents here, I too do not have babysitters and early on I only left my boys when absolutely necessary (like I was in labor with the next one lol!) We never have left them with a sitter to "go out" because they are such an important part of us that we WANT them with us when we do go out. I've had things to do occasionally when my sister or my hubby stayed with them. Yes, its very difficult in the first years to have "me time" or "hubby time" but then again, those first years are so very fleeting. More important to spend that time with them.
Heres the thing that TOTALLY bugs me. Never once did I hear disapproval for leaving my boys with a sitter - QUITE the opposite. We chose the town we live in for the great school district, got a handyman special house etc. But its a glitzy area and most of the moms (even the stay-at-homes) have au-pairs or at the very least, full-time babysitters. I'm seen as somewhat odd that I dont have time to go koffee-klutching or to spend all kinds of time on fundraisers, book and bake sales etc. I dont have a babysitter at my beck and call, dont WANT one even if I could afford it.
The "alone time" we get is much the same as the others, boys go to bed early and we have a couple of hours in the late evening. Alas, for now, we're both too beat to truly enjoy this time but we DO fully enjoy our time with our boys. This may be a good thing too, I mean if we had TOO much time on our hands, I'd end up having to change my nick to mamaof4!!!
Re: Life after children
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For parents: when your children were very young (i.e., just a few months or so), did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out?
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No we never did that. We prefer to stay home or go together. At least one of us always stay with the kids. I am not saying that parents who leave kids with friends/relatives dont love their kids that much, it was just our personal preference not to leave kids with family friends. Grandparents don't live with us in US (mine and her parents live in Pakistan) so that was not an option although we may have availed that option had it been available to us.
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Was it difficult to get time to yourselves?
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Its not a difficult time. Basically we have learned to enjoy the time with kids. And kids DO GO TO SLEEP before us so we get a chance to spend quality time together.
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Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours?
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We never tried so there is no point in getting disapproval.
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What about those who dont have much family closeby? What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
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We have spent good time together before having kids, whatever time we get after whole day routine, we spent it together and we will Inshallah spent time together once kids are grown up (at least to the age when we can leave them home alone). So we don't thing we are missing out on something. We are really enjoying the time we are spending together with kids.
P.S:
Let me admit that sometimes we do feel a need to have some timeout for two of us and we think of going to romantic dinners but then we don't regret it for long if we are unable to go.
Re: Life after children
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For parents: when your children were very young (i.e., just a few months or so), did you (as a couple) leave your child with relatives/grandparents to go out?
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No. Taking care of my son was everything for us. I remember my wife did not sleep for 4 days&nights after the birth of our son. He was weak and lazy, took a lot of effort to feed him. So every two hours, breast feeding, then burping and by that time it wud be time for next feed. And she did not trust anybody except me to take care of him.
The happiest moment of my life, when my son looked in my eyes and smiled for the first time.
Our most revered possessions few months after first baby, the baby diaper bag and pram.
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Was it difficult to get time to yourselves?
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Yes, but i never thought bout ourselves.
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Did you ever feel/hear disappoval from others for going out for a coupla hours?
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No, rather family members were upset that we don't leave the kids with them.
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What did you rely on so the two of you could have time alone together?
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For 1 yr after our first baby, we did not go anywhere without him, later, we left kids with grandparents if we wanted to go out alone.
Re: Life after children
Ms sara I think you will see from the overwhelming majority here that you shouldnt worry. When you have your littles, your focus will change and so will your husband;s. before you have your littles, it does seem so very important to have time together and all that. Time to relax and smell the roses. But once you have your little one, THEY become your roses, you dont want to leave them ever, not even for candles and romance. Better to spend the time, even with pukey-cereal-stains on your shirt and telling your hubby about the amazing things your little did that day. Its the most amazing turn of events and the most amazing thing to become a parent, not just to HAVE a child but be a parent....may you be so blessed with this wondrous and joyful situation!
Re: Life after children
Mama, i’m not “worried” or thinking abt that yet 
A grl can’t just ask a simple question w/o a million assumptions :halo:
Re: Life after children
No Sara, a girl can’t ask simple question w/o a million assumptions 
Re: Life after children
What a funny yet cute statement. I feel the same way about my baby and the way I see it, any time I have to run errands, we both get fresh air 
Re: Life after children
Well my daughter (accidently bless her!) appeared within 11 months of getting married and we got married within 6 weeks of meeting so we didnt hardly have anytime on our own. My family didnt live closeby at the time as we were living out in Essex cos of my hubs work so when she did arrive we didnt get much time on our own in the beginning which was a bit of a shock as we hadnt even been married for a year!
However when my daughter turned 6 months my bhabi did start looking after her for a few weekends so we could go away to Italy and stuff for my hubs birthday and for my birthday which was really nice.
Then we moved back to London and everything changed cos every1 is nearby. My bhabi takes my daughter at the weekends as i work weekend mornings at a health club. Plus my mum and brother live a few roads away so i now have babysitting wheneva i want which is really nice cos hubs and i get to spend quality time together. We neva trusted babysitters with our child. So when we were on our we just got on with it. But like i said im lucky now as i have every1 close by. :D
Re: Life after children
We usualy get time after 8 when my kids go to sleep and i take both of them to dinner with me.Actually we make plans that way so our kids don't get bore.I usually take them with me when we dine out or we usually watch drive in cinemas so our kids are sleep in car and we are comfortable at the back of our car and its reallllly fun.I luv it.I left my kids with friends when it is very necessary.
Re: Life after children
My oldest was born within the first year of marriage, so we didn't get a lot of time together. We now have 4, and I am a big believer of maintaining a close relationship with your husband, after all, the kids are going to college in 18 years, and then you have the rest of your life with your husband. Too often the kids move out and people realize that their husband/wife is a stranger to them. Besides, the marital relationship is the nucleus of the family. If it isn't solid and strong, how can you expect the family to be strong? Additionally, our children learn how to behave in a relationship by watching the relationship that their parents have.
We do have date night at least once a month. We have had family members watch our children and we have also used sitters. When we hire a sitter we usually hire a close neighbor or someone we know well, and we always check references.
Also, our kids go to bed at a decent hour, so we do have an hour or two to spend together before going to bed.