Life Advice

Lifestyle Relationships
1

Salaam,

I was wondering how I could improve my life and become succesful. I used to smoke cigarettes and weed,but gave it up a couple months ago. I feel like nobody understands me. I work hard so that I can support my family. I want to start praying again, and do well in college. I was always very nice but bhola person and now I understand how life really works. All my friends betrayed me, and all I ever did was help them. Even my pakistani friends just started to ignore me. I don’t feel the need to always be running around with friends, but sometimesI just get very lonely. I used to be very sharif, and never go out with girls,but this one gorii, pursued me and made me somehow love her. I was good to her, but she left too. I just want to change my life around and for people to respect and like me. I want to get a good job, so I can always provide for my family, like they did for me when I was a kid. I also want to start praying five times and go to Jumma again.

Please brothers and sisters provide me some advice on how I can achieve these things.

Thank you in advance.

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Re: Life Advice

^Your words need to backed up with actions. Saying that you want to start praying regularly....is easy.....but are you actually going to do it? Keep your expectations reasonable. For example...if you're not in the habit of prayin....then it's unreasonable to picture yourself praying Farz/Sunnah/Nafl.....very quickly. You may start off with just Farz prayers at first...and then slowly include the Sunnah raqats. It takes time...improvement is developmental process. And if we set lofty goals to be reached in a very short/difficult time frame....it can lead to one becoming frustrated...and giving up.

Do you know what job you want? Have you met the educational/professional requirements for one? Have you got a strong resume....have you applied to positions of interest? If not...these are some things to consider.

Changes like job, moving to another location, marriage, kids.....can create distance between even the best of friends. And other times...some people were never sincere friends in the first place. Even relatives can screw you over. People come and go....that's a part of life. Learn lessons from your relationships. For example...if people take advantage of you...don't be too naive/nice next time. If your trust has been broken several times....be more careful in the future. Maintain a distance from those you know you can't trust. And also think about any mistakes you might be unknowingly committing that could be destroying your relationships. You might see yourself as "good" to people....others might see it differently. And all relationships needs some level of distance and space.

The gori made you "somehow" love her? I don't think anyone can force you to love them. Accept responsibility for your own actions/emotions...can't put all the blame on the other person. This includes all relationships...not just the one with the gori. Gori wasn't in your kismat then...........you'll find someone else....when it's meant to be.

Your post makes me wonder if you're trolling. If you are....that's really sad. But since you never know...hence the response.

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Re: Life Advice

yeah you do need help, dude is she don't want to come back don't waste time find a next gori.
And don't limit your self to just goirs you know...

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Re: Life Advice

and wat redness said, she is always right :blush:

5

Monk nay himat nahi haari when it comes to RV :smiley:

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Re: Life Advice

Well, as of now my concern is not girls. I just want to build myself. This specific girl that I mentioned did hound me into going out with her. And yes it was not her fault, but I was naive and never with a girl before. I tried to maintain my distance, but I feel like once she found out I loved her, she took advantage of it. I started to get this feeling that I don't want to trust anyone. "Yeh dunya jhooti, lokh lutaray". I always get good feelings when I help people, but I realized that when I'm in need, nobody is there for me. My family has always been though, and that's why I make the case, that I want to make them proud. I used to be depressed heavily, and then I started to pray and all these feeilings of anxiety and sadness subside. I want to pray, because it puts my heart to ease. Also I feel like by fufilling my religious obligations, I will develop the discipline, that I've been lacking in all aspects of my life.

btw, I'm no troll, just needed someone to talk to.

These goriis and going out to bars and clubs, I know what kind of life that is. Those people that lead that lifestyle seem be very empty and looking for something. As an observer that went out with friends in the city, those things feel trivial. I really just want inner peace and truly be happy with myself and God.

*Manay kaabi sharab ney pi, to rohti upni kaata hoon. : P

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Re: Life Advice

Ditto Rv has pretty much said all.

To that comprehensive post, Id add:

Brother, if you want peace:

Read koran and read namaz. Allah says in koran 'In recitation of his words does the heart find peace'

So recite koran, read namaz and ask Allah to show and make the right path easy for you.

Namaz is the bestplace to start. It Freshens your mind, the clarity of which will enable you to better think of what you want to do.

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Re: Life Advice

PakBacha,

If you don't mind, can I ask you where do you live?

It's good to know that you want to become a better person, and by nature you are a good person. At your age, these things hapen to a lot of people who are brought up in a non-islamic environment, specifically the west. But its never too late to come back on the right track.

At smoking:
Its good you have already gave up those things. And keep it that way. This is your first step towards your goal of becoming a better person.

At praying:
To do this, the first and foremost thing is to make a commitment to yourself that you will do it, and to make the intention of doing it to fill the obligation of prayer because Allah has made it an obligation on us.
Next is, start praying. For instance, after you read my post, ask yourself "of which prayer is it time for right now?". Then if you haven't prayed it already, go ahead and pray. Keep track of the five prayers timings, and keep up with them by praying them. I suggest, go to the masjid for the prayers whenever its time for a new prayer and pray there, if possible. Its all about developing the habit of praying (ofcourse, with full understanding that you pray because Allah has made it obligatory on you).

About the girl (gori) :
You have realized the reality that she was just playing around with you. Now forget about her, and ask for forgiveness from Allah. Islamically, anyways, if you want to be in a relationship, you get married.

Family:
Well it is not hard to earn love and respect from your family, because no matter what kind of person you are, you are your parents' child and all parents love their children and care for them by default (in usual cases). However, *you *need to show them love and care as kids tend to get lost in their own worlds and forget the importance of home and family easily. Things like having dinner together, sitting down together and discussing a current issue, or helping around with some house work shouldn't be hard to do to maintain a healthy relationship with family. Or even, you can ask your dad to come along with you to the masjid sometimes.

Friends:
A friend who does not stop you from doing wrong is never a friend, I believe. So don't bother about those who left you because they weren't real friends. Look for people who do good and appreciate good to make friends with.

You have mentioned you feel inner peace and satisfaction when you help others. Look for more opportunities like that, and do it with the intention of pleasing Allah alone and being a good person.

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Re: Life Advice

If you can give up smoking, you can conquer the world my friend! You have remarkable willpower. You're heart's already at the right place, you'll be fine! Think about your family, work hard if you're in school get a good job and make them proud! Go get 'em tiger!

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I always think that once you have the courage to accept that you’re doing something wrong, then you’re halfway there to becoming a better person. You’re not being a hypocrite :k: It’s better to recognize your faults than completely deny them.

You want to start praying… good. Just take action. You have that desire and will power, but you need to act upon it. In regards to your friends, I don’t know why they stopped associating with you. Perhaps it’s because they didn’t approve of your lifestyle. But they could have helped you or offered you their advice if you were experiencing problems. If you helped them and they betrayed you, eventually, you’ll get your reward someday in some form. But like RV said, people come and go in life. Relatives can stab us in the back…unfortunately it happens.

Don’t change your life around so others will respect you or like you. It’s very difficult to not think about others and what they think of us. But it’s your life. It seems like you want religion to play a larger role in your life, so do things for yourself, your family, and Allah. Respect is earned. So have the right intentions and do good. Involve yourself in the religious youth groups, work, spend time with family, etc. Ramadan is coming up so it’s an even better month to turn things around for yourself.

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Re: Life Advice

Ok, well, you want to do it. So do it.

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Re: Life Advice

ramadhan is coming the best start you will ever need.

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You think giving up weed will make you successful? Shame on you man.

Naa just kidding. You are on the right track lil brother. Keep at it :k:

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Why do I feel this is a troll?

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Re: Life Advice

^ LOL! Perhaps because it is clearly a multinick and the thread doesn't have any purpose whatsoever. All fairly good indications I would think. But oh well, I still gave the mucker the benefit of doubt. I have a soft corner for pot smokers man.

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Re: Life Advice

Well when he posted I thought of every single angsty teenage 1980s movie I could think off. Good kid but got involved with drugs, women, the wrong crowd.

Man he has it all. And frankly that is a good soft corner to have. Very good soft corner.

But the shocking part is how everybody else gets trolled.....

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Re: Life Advice

I live in NY. And yes, Ramadan is coming and I'm excited that I can maybe cleanse myself through fasting. The city is a big place, and the irony is that with so many people here, there are so few people to actually talk to. I've gotten to know this Imam, and he is by far, the most down to earth person I've met. I feel like most pakistani people have a horrible tendency to start judging people off the bat(ex. Main Samina da munda saraq te dek ya, cigarot peenda. Badmash munda eh, ino ta kaadi rishta ney milna.) However, this Imam is completey understanding and is never condescending under any circumstance. And I don't understand why ever body is concerned with this trolling nonsense. I joined this site for catharsis and to receive advice. And I believe advice from complete strangers is the absolute best in terms of objectivity. Does it really make a difference to some of you that I don't have an avatar? How trivial..

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Re: Life Advice

My advice: Pick one thing you want to fix about yourself and try fixing it. Then move to the next. And next...