Parenting unfortunately doesn’t stop when your babies stop being cute. And they do. They can get really nasty in fact. Am I to believe that all the kids 10 and up belonging to Pakistani parents are sweetness and light and merit scholars? I don’t believe it.
When they hit middle school and high school, how are you and they faring?
(Personally, I am at the point where I am looking very much forward to my son being 18 and out of the house. Yes, this is America.)
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
What, nobody?? Amazing!!
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
Real Parenting starts after your babies stop being cute. Before that, its feed them, bathe them, cloth them, tuck them in ... after that, its everything else but that.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
my preteens were okay but teens were horrid. There was a lot of peer pressure and feeling of inadequacy that I took out on my parents.
It was rough for my parents which came from a different culture. I am expecting a bumpy ride with my girls.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
Preteen/teenage years were horrible and I'll do anything to make sure my kids (if I ever have them) don't feel like that.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
I can see parenting getting harder and harder as my kids grow up but I have confidence that my husband and I can work together and provide the environment when they hit their teen years.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
I moved to a neighborhood where we five Muslim families live at walking distance of each other , all these kids are doing good at school mashallah and on the front of being bi-cultural. I have not heard any horrid stories from any parents as yet from this small circle of friends. These kids hang around with other kids too who come from various backgrounds but Alhumdulillah so far so good , no pre-teen pregnancies , no-drug use , no teen tantrums , no bad behavior have been heard of in their extended circle of friends either. Even their driving records are impeccable. None of them have speeding , parking , reckless driving tickets either.
What else should I be looking for ?
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
Interesting. I was actually asking about parents' experiences with their preteen and teen kids...
I think maybe there is a big problem because nobody wants to admit that their kids are going TeRe. Everything is supposed to be pretty as a picture and kids are supposed to be nice and helpful and obedient.
Mine isn't. Almost 12, going on 17 and giving me so much attitude, despite my being absolutely consistent and following through on consequences etc. Frankly, I don't know how I'm going to make it through till he's 18. Sometimes people pooh-pooh it, saying, he's a kid or it's the age or he's a boy etc. But I remember my youth, and I SURE didn't disrespect my Mama the way he disrespects me. A certain amount I expect, part of the growing up process and all. I know that TV and movies have a very bad influence on people's behaviour (and not just kids!) He gets no TV at my house, because he gets a lot at his dad's. (Yes, we are divorced.)
Anyway, just thought I'd try to get problem parenting/older kids out there in the open for people to discuss. It helps to know one is not the only parent out there struggling.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
you make the assumption that just because they are in their teens...they will go TeRe. good job.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
I think you are very fortunate to have a small "village" where you all can help each other. I live in the country with few neighbours, so there is not a lot of reinforcement about behavioural norms, about the way things are supposed to be.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
you make the assumption that just because they are in their teens...they will go TeRe. good job.
It is a common experience. Do not try to say that I am creating a TeRa kid because I am trying to be realistic.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
Interesting. I was actually asking about parents' experiences with their preteen and teen kids...
I think maybe there is a big problem because nobody wants to admit that their kids are going TeRe. Everything is supposed to be pretty as a picture and kids are supposed to be nice and helpful and obedient.
Mine isn't. Almost 12, going on 17 and giving me so much attitude, despite my being absolutely consistent and following through on consequences etc. Frankly, I don't know how I'm going to make it through till he's 18. Sometimes people pooh-pooh it, saying, he's a kid or it's the age or he's a boy etc. But I remember my youth, and I SURE didn't disrespect my Mama the way he disrespects me. A certain amount I expect, part of the growing up process and all. I know that TV and movies have a very bad influence on people's behaviour (and not just kids!) He gets no TV at my house, because he gets a lot at his dad's. (Yes, we are divorced.)
Anyway, just thought I'd try to get problem parenting/older kids out there in the open for people to discuss. It helps to know one is not the only parent out there struggling.
Please review your own behavior and interaction with him . May be being a divorcee have turned you into somewhat bitter person and have given you very negative attitude toward life. May be you have too many restrictions and no nos imposed on him , like this absolutely no TV gives me some clue to it. All TV is not bad, all video games are not bad , all computer time is not bad, all friends are not bad. There should be a balance between restrictions and liberties.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
It is a common experience. Do not try to say that I am creating a TeRa kid because I am trying to be realistic.
No it is not as common as you might think. All teens and pre-teens are not disrespectful , rebellious and monsters. There are many factors which can lead to this kind of behavior. May be you can seek counseling for him and yourself.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
My brother just left his teenage years. It hasn't been a lot of years since I was a teenager myself. My parents are together Alhamdulilah. We have been provided all the luxuries that a middle class kid could have been provided, including oppurtunities for post-secondary education. However, we will admit, we were tough teenagers to deal with. There were no drug problems or arrests or premarital sex or anything like that. But in terms of how we dealt with our parents, we were not nice.
For both of us, it started as soon as we turned 13. Like you said, even though we were teenagers we would act like our mother's mother...my mom's words. At this age, you really do think you know it all. What your parents know, especially if they are migrants to another country, it isn't relevant to the kids at all. To some extent, that is true. Parents do think that they know what a teenager's life would be like, because in their words, they have lived through it, but that isn't exactly 100% right. While some things don't change, other experiences do. And parents need to understand that (this is a child's opinion, parents you are free to disagree with me). Undoubtedly, parents have a world of experience, but the teenage years are when a kid has to get his own experiences and learn for themselves. This is also the time when kids start to push their boundaries and go through several identities. Hormones don't help either. There are a lot of things working at this point which ends up in rudeness. The way my parents were raised, the way they raised us, you would think we would be the politest kids ever, but that didn't happen. However, we did grow out of it. Both of us did. Our mom who is a typical desi mom admits it. And trust me, it's a big deal for her to say that.
You can't blame external things like games and TV for your child's behavior. It's just something that happens. Not every child is the same, and not every child's experience would be the same. You're a mom and you will continue to mother him which he needs and I can totally understand how you feel when your son acts rude towards you, but you have to remember it's a passing phase. It gets better towards 15-16, it really does. By the time he will be 18, 19 trust me, you guys would be back to being friends.
Re: Lets hear your stories of your teens and preteens
Buy the book from this site it might help: