So guys traditionally our weddings can go on for weeks.
In our families in the UK its now usually just Mehndi, Bharat and Walima.
How do you girls feel about having to do your weding day 3 x over. I understand a Mehndi is different but the Bharat or Walima arent worlds apart in regards to what their about.
My dads friends daughter only had a big mehndi and a big wedding day and the bride and grooms family halved the costs. This only made it cheaper for the brides family because the groom still ended up paying over 14k for his half which meant he could have done a Walima in that much.
I think for them it was also a personal choice of not being bothered to do the whole wedding day twice over so for a Walima they just invited their families round to this new home for dinner.
Me and my fiancee are attempting to make this decision as well. I originally wanted a one day event, as it is cheaper. But after thinking about it, I will people traveling from all over for one day? It will all be done and over with in one day? So we decided to go ahead and go with a three day event, as you only get married once, and i want the wedding events to last as long as possible!!!! InshAllah this will work out, as we are working out our budget....
Me and my fiancee are attempting to make this decision as well. I originally wanted a one day event, as it is cheaper. But after thinking about it, I will people traveling from all over for one day? It will all be done and over with in one day? So we decided to go ahead and go with a three day event, as you only get married once, and i want the wedding events to last as long as possible!!!! InshAllah this will work out, as we are working out our budget....
Well the idea is that you have a big long mehndi and a big long wedding day. I am quite warming to the idea but only because I really cant be bothered getting smothered in that makeup and heavy clothes all over again... my parents arent keen on the idea though.
When I look at it from a western point of view I think sheesh 3 days?!!! and when I think eastern I think ohhh maaan no walima its incomplete! lol
Exactly what my fiance said!! And for us, because hes in the states and I'm in Canada, deciding on where to have one big reception would of been a problem because we both have communities here and there that we would want included so it wasn't possible. My parents weren't for it either. I also tried canceling out on a big mehndi to cut costs but my family also didn't agree to that because of their traditional rasms that my mom wanted to uphold. Because everything is so god damn expensive, I wanted to put the main focus on the shaadi and Valima but everybody talked me into the importance of having all events properly, the way their supposed to happen so I didn't really put up to much of a fight. and its true like Desi said this will only come around once so why not enjoy it to the fullest. :)
I kind of also feel like I'm actually going to miss being a bride-to-be...like all of the planning, the anticipation of not knowing how all your efforts will come together in that one night, not so much the stress...and the attention and the way people say "ooomggg your getting marriedddddd, congratulationsssssss!!" hahahah ..I hope I'm not the only one thinking this...
And because we were out of town guests, we got invited to the post wedding dinner/chauthi function as well.
Of course, this did not include the bridal shower and dholkis that we were not in town to attend. Yikes!
Where possible, it would be great to do joint events. Definitely a money saver and easier on the guests (the trip to the girl side functions were almost 2 hours from the guy's home, which was where we were staying).
^we had a wedding like that in the family. it was:
mayoon
nikkah
mehndi
rasm e mehndi
shaadi
valima
chauthi
lol weddings like this come off as totally presumptuous...even your cousins don't want to go to all those events and you're not the first or last couple to ever get married.
i seem to be one of the only few who disagree! before i got engaged, i was just praying that i could hurry up with my engagement and shaadi. After speaking wtih my in law's, they expressed they wanted to celebrate each and every occasion as MUCH as they could, and i couldnt help but agree! This is a once in a lifetime thing, and I wanna enjoy every moment, and delay each thing as much as i can :) The more events the better! WHen people hear youre engaged, they're so happy for u and excited...and u have an excuse to celebrate... after you get married, you're just married!
I'm not engaged yet but I used to be one of those girls who wanted a huge wedding and about a million events to go with it i.e.: huge engagement party,dholki, mehndi, nikkah, baraath, walima BUT now to be honest I don't see the point of it all. So much effort and planning and after all, isn't the most important part the union of the happy couple and their families? I wouldn't even mind not having a mehndi but I know my family wouldn't let me get away with that. I do like the idea of having a combined baraath/walima though and will definetly go for it if the future in-laws and my family agree.
On a side note (and somewhat of topic), it bugs me how some girls don't like the outfits their in-laws choose for them on the engagement and/or walima and complain endlessly. A friend of mine recently got engaged and she had the biggest issues with the outfit her in-laws chose for her and actually ended up wearing something else. I find that so rude- it's one day girls, is it really worth it to hurt the feelings of your in-laws because of one outfit? You'll wear it for a few hours and never again but these impressions do leave marks. I know that IA when I get engaged even if my in-laws told me to pick out what I want to wear i'll just tell them to choose what they like and i'll wear it. After all- i'm sure that everyone's in-laws want their future DIL to look gorgeous and wouldn't deliberately choose something ugly.
Trust me dear your looking only on one side of the story that, why girls do dis n dats when in-laws give outfits!!!!
I know so many girls whose in-laws **REALLY **gave the DIL damn stupid and totally ugly outfits and on the occasion said, the girl is so rude and has selected this on her own!!!!!! such statements are really hurting sweetie...
if ur talking aba in-laws being hurt!!!! then mind u, if u got good in-laws NOT everyone does. My sister's in-laws gave my sis such stupid and ridiculous outfit, not to mention it had paindu color combo and way too much paindu kaam. I literally HAD **to ask them, wud u select such outfit for ur own daughter?, my sis's nand at once said **OF COURSE NOT, ITS SO CHEAP!!!!!!!
my sis MIL was shocked and got mad at her own daufghter being a total big mouth
so kindly don't take side of these in-laws or "aliens" so much.... not all are the same!!!!!
Having just the one day definately has its advantages, a more lavish wedding at half the cost. For some people it is very convenient, especially if one side doesnt have a large family or financially not in a position to do so.
For me, more days the better! :D I love weddings and when it is your own u wana make the most of it. Me and my family have been through alot of toughs times so when it is an happy occassion I think its important to enjoy it thoroughly.
^i think her point was that its not worth it to make a big fuss over an outfit that you'll wear one day and create a problem that will last with you your whole life.
but i do disagree with you princess on that some people really do deliberately choose something cheaper and not as nice for their bahus than they would for their own daughters. a word of advice, if you ARE lucky enough to get in laws who allow you to pick your own outfit, run with it. Its the best thing to do because it saves them from worrying about pleasing you and it saves you from dreading to have to wear something hideous.
anyways, back to the topic....i think at the beginning, girls want a lot of events but when the actual time comes, it just gets exhausting and stressful. plus nowadays there is really no point to some of our events...when you have a nikkah beforehand what is the shaadi all about? when you have a nikkah, then a shaadi, what purpose does the valima serve?
While it's possible some in-laws could behave in such a manner it's not true for everyone. And obviously when doing the rishta-hunting parents should look at the family as well in order to determine what they are like. If the khaandaan is good then they most certainly won't behave in such a ridiculous manner. BUT my point was merely that I think it's downright rude creating unecessary drama when the dress is actually nice- which was the case in my friend's case.
Another friend's in-laws told her to go choose her engagement outfit and then they would go pick it up/pay for it. She ended up choosing a $1500 outfit- just for her engagement. Behaviour like THAT is descipable. She wouldn't have done that if her parents had been paying for the outfit so why take advantage of the in-laws?
korn666: Just because your family has had a bad experience with your sis's in-laws it doesn't mean that all in-laws are like that. It depends on the khaandaan. So kindly refrain from portraying all in-laws in such a light. A lot of girls are lucky enough to have amazing in-laws so no need to get all high and mighty.